Entitled coworker DMs employee asking to borrow clothes for financial reasons, takes over a year to return them: 'She acted like she forgot'

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    r/antiwork ⚫18 hr. ago SignificantMood8786 Never add your coworkers on social media, you will regret sooner or later!!!!
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    I made an expensive mistake of accepting a coworkers friend request on insta. I'm into fashion so I love buying designer expensive outfits and jewellery so of course my insta had pictures of me wearing these items at different events. A week later she
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    messaged to borrow some of these outfits and jewellery for her sister's wedding because she is trying to save money. My initial reaction was WTF?!? for a co-worker I know less than a month is straight up in my dms asking for my personal items but I
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    let my empathic feelings get in the way that if I can help her save some money then why not, it would be a good deed. She asked me for 2-3 outfits + the jewellery I was wearing, but I gave her just one luckily. She tried the
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    outfit and said she liked it and it fit her. She goes to the wedding and I'm watching her instagram stories thinking to myself oh wonder when she is going to wear it, how she styled it etc. and nothing I don't see my outfit being worn anywhere.
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    She comes back and starts avoiding me. It was very busy at work so at one point I even forgot but then it struck me that she still has my belongings. I was contemplating on how to ask her to return my belongings and was mad that she should have done
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    that as the first thing herself without me even having to ask!! A year passed away like this, she still hasn't returned. One day I gathered all my courage and messaged her to bring my borrowed items tomorrow. She
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    acted like she forgot. Tomorrow comes, another excuse, oh "I cannot find it" excuse me tf do you mean by that? I lent you something valuable considering your situation and you don't even have the decency to return my item timely ???
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    One more month passes like this, everyday she gave new excuses that made me believe that she must have sold it off, kept it or gave to someone else. She made me beg one and half year to return my own stuff! Finally she
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    brought it back and carefully chose a time to return it where she wouldn't have to confront me directly (I was in a meeting wearing headsets) You would think I would have gotten a thank you and a sorry at
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    the very least? NONE. On top of that, she stopped speaking to me after that which makes no sense "are you mad because I asked for my stuff back" ? Long story short, never add coworkers to social media and never ever lend them anything!!
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    EDIT: It's crazy to read some of the tone deaf commenters blaming me for the entire situation. Safe to assume these will be same people who would call someone a d!ck or b!tch for setting boundaries if situation reversed so there is no winning.
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    "oh you could have said no and avoided this altogether so you are the one to blame" - Its not as easy as ABC to decline in a work setting, your literal livelihood depends on every decision you take especially as a new employee against old employee, you don't want to upset the crocodile when you are entering new waters. She
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    was an older employee there with more goodwill ofcourse and I acted out of my empathy for her. Those preaching me about boundaries and saying no should read upon on "power dynamics in workplace" as well. Saying no is a "privilege" not a choice and its denied to many since childhood, unlearning takes times!
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    "Oh but why you didn't ask it back for a year" - again "power dynamics" "decency to wait that she will return it by herself in GOOD FAITH" "scared to lose my job" "scared to be outcasted by other employees who she had influence over"
  • 16
    El_ha_Din • 20h ago Its not about adding coworkers to social media (even though its a good idea not to), but its about not lending shit to someone you dont know. I know my coworkers for 4 years now and we lend shit some times. Goes great and since we are a small company its easy to call someone out for it if needed.
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    Ow and if it goes South like this, just file a police report. You have the DM's and all, see if they can do something. Cuz, well, she stole from you.
  • 18
    Wolfman01a • 18h ago I got in a big fight with HR on this one. Years ago I added my buddy on facebook. We got jobs together in IT. We ended up working nights for a while. One day at the beginning of shift, he and I got called in for a write up. I was like, wtf why??
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    My buddy had added the b.. kind lady from HR to his friends list. She pulled us in because she had saw on Facebook that we had posted messages to each other on our shift and wanted to write us up.
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    I was pissed. I asked her why it was any of her or the businesses concern if we had posted a couple of messages. She began to give the company schpiel. I interrupted her and said we were both on lunch at the time and our phone use at that time was none of her business.
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    She got angry but couldn't prove it wasn't so she gave us a warning and said she would be watching. Not 5 minutes later my buddy unfriended her and we blocked her. She immediately asked us why. "Self defense"
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    She went ranting to our boss and he told her that we technically hadn't done anything wrong so there was nothing to do.
  • 23
    BrightWubs22 • 20h ago Never add your coworkers on social media, you will regret sooner or later!!!! This isn't about adding coworkers on social media.
  • 24
    talkyape •15h ago She shouldn't have had your clothes one week after the agreed upon return date. You waited a year before standing up for yourself! Of course people will take advantage of that energy.
  • 25
    thorkun 19h ago • Hang on, I'm not victim blaming, cause after all she stole from you, but you waited a YEAR to confront her about it?
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    • Alternative-Doubt452 19h ago Also be very careful who you vent to, they just might be your coworkers behind anonymous usernames and use the information you share looking for advice to make your life a living hell at the office in a twisted petty revenge. Trust no one.
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    OnGuardFor3 • 20h ago I don't even lend to friends or family and I'm straight up with them about it. If I give something it is with the expectation that I won't get it back, or I find that it will ruin the relationship.
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    2 Facebook She comes back and starts avoiding me. It was very busy at work so at one point I even forgot but then it struck me that she still has my belongings. I

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