Expecting mom of 2 toddler boys tells her girl-obsessed mother-in-law she's having a 3rd boy even though she's having a girl: 'My MIL literally yelled “NOOOOOOOOO” when we told her the gender of our second boy'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 13, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Anyone who has ever watched a gender-reveal party reaction video compilation (try saying that word salad to an 18th-century farmer) knows that gender disappointment is a real thing. The most common lousy reaction is dads getting angry that their wives are having daughters and not sons. Gender technically is the dad's doing, but that won't stop sexist guys from taking it out on the mother of their children and their other daughters in front of all of their friends and family.

While some gender disappointment isn't inherently nefarious, it is when the parents of the baby are afraid to tell you the actual gender of their baby. A mother-in-law of 2 toddler boys freaked out when her DIL told her they were having a second boy. Now that the couple is having a girl, they're contemplating not telling his mom for six valid reasons. However, one has to wonder whether this deception will have long-term negative consequences. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10403152128
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    Photo does not depict the real subject in the story

  • 02
    AITA for lying to my family about the gender of my baby?
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    I am 11 weeks pregnant with our third child. We have two boys already (2 and 4). Both sides of grandparents don't know we are pregnant yet, and we found out today that our third will be a GIRL! This would be very exciting for both sets of grandparents BUT we are considering telling them all that we are pregnant with our third boy instead. The reasons are:
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    1. My MIL literally yelled "NO00000000" when we told her the gender of our second boy (having kept the first a secret). She has also told me multiple times I need to give her a granddaughter and thus far I've told her she gets what she gets and doesn't get upset, and that if she wanted a girl she should have had it instead of just having one boy (my husband).
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    2. We know that MIL will start sending clothes (she lives in a differen country to us) as soon as she finds out (she even sent girls clothin hopefully for our first not knowing he was a boy), and we are conscious of how our two boys will feel about things arriving for the new baby and not them - the sending wouldn't be as extreme for a third boy as we already have lots of boy stuff
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    3. I want to avoid the drama and upset of MIL treats unborn baby girl more favourably than she did my boys (she already shows extreme favouritism to her favourite niece over other girls and boys in the family and sees nothing wrong with it 4. We want to avoid MIL coming to our country for the birth (she came a few months later for our boys) as we want to get settled and think if it's a girl she will want to come ASAP
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    5. Our eldest was born "code blue" and required resuscitation, and before him, we had a miscarriage, and I'm worried about the added pressure on me to birth the first granddaughter from our parents 6. We think it would be really exciting once born if she's a big surprise for both sides as she will be the first granddaughter on both sides
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    We can't say we don't know because we are both type A and they know we would know and we did with the first two too. We are worried though by telling our parents she's a boy, when she isn't, that they will buy gendered clothing though, or that they will be mad at us for lying for 6 months. Is this going to backfire on us? Would we be the ? Any advice would be appreciated.
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    Trevena_Ice 5h ago INFO: Why not just say 'hey, we are not telling anyone the gender because of the way some people reacted by our second baby. So yeah, you will find out, when the baby is there' and then let everyone else think if this means it is a girl, a boy or twins. Lying could lead to a bad start for your little girl. As people could be upset and do you really want some family to cut you out, after finding out you lied to them for 8 months? So don't say anything.
    via u/Trevena_Ice
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    MrsWoodywoodsmith OP They definitely wouldn't cut us out. It wouldn't be that extreme at all. But I get what you're saying. Not telling them just means we have six months of people trying to trip us up.
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    Trevena_Ice But that you can use. If they know you don't want to tell them and then the still ask, you can answer them sarcasticly like 'oh I hope it will be human' or 'on the last check up it kinda looked like a gummy bear' or 'I asked the boys and they said, they hope it is a dog'
    via u/Trevena_Ice
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    strandroad six months of people trying to trip us up The answer to this is to look deeply at the person as if you're taking a measure of them, take a breath, ask very politely "But why are you disrespecting our decision?" and wait out any excuses. If you need to, say "This is an excuse but not a real reason is it. So again why are you disrespecting our decision?". Rinse and repeat for anything that happens. Honestly I had to do it for something else entirely and it's a game changer. From their e
    via u/strandroad
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    MrsWoodywoodsmith OP Yeh I think we are leaning on saying we don't know, then misdirecting if they question it
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    sunset603 Sorry but gonna be blunt here: that's still not a backbone. You're setting up your kids to be in awkward and uncomfortable situations. Grow a backbone and protect your kids. It's not going to alleviate all the situations, but at least you're then leading by example to your boys (and eventually girl) that you will stand up for yourself and them.
    via u/sunset603
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    rheasilva Lying means you have six months of having to remember the lie that you told.
    via u/rheasilva
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    dafinalbraincell Or what about saying the baby wouldn't show its bits? I know you can do blood tests now, but I'm not sure if your parents would know about that. When my younger brother was born in 2001, they had no clue what he was gonna be cause he was modest in the womb...the only time he ever was modest
    via u/dafinalbraincell
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    MrsWoodywoodsmith OP My parents definitely know about the blood tests (which we did already. I work in risk management and I'm all about all the tests and this is our third rodeo, so they know what happens unfortunately.
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    skellywars Based on what OP has said though, MIL sounds like the pestering type. As well as the type to assume that it's a girl because they're not telling. I agree that they shouldn't have to lie, but this family dynamic sounds stressful in general with trying to manage entitled personalities
    via u/skellywars
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    MrsWoodywoodsmith OP Yep. Exactly. If we don't say, and they will know we know, because this is our third and we always do all the genetic testing, my mum will CONSTANTLY be guessing and trying to trip us up. And his mum will be like "I hope it's a girl" the entire time which will me off. Saying she's a boy means we are left alone for 6 months to have our pregnancy in peace, and then we have very excited parents with a surprise first and only granddaughter. I'm not worried about my parents being
    via u/MrsWoodywoodsmith
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    skellywars Tbh, I would lie to avoid the drama. I think a lot of people are making this bigger than it is, and if I get downvoted that's okay. Protect your sanity how you see fit. If nobody's gonna be upset or offended after the fact then I highly doubt it's something that will be brought up to your child. It's also not impossible, even with the genetic tests, that the result you receive is wrong. This has happened to a couple of my friends and ultimately, everyone was just happy baby was health
    via u/skellywars
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    MarsailiPearl Your real concern should be with how you are going to deal with her favoritism after the baby is born. You should just tell her now it is a girl and if she ever wants to meet this girl she needs to be on her best behavior and show absolutely no favoritism.
    via u/MarsailiPearl
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    DragonCelica One way or another, you're going to have to deal with your MIL's behavior. Lying now is just putting off the inevitable (I understand why you want to though). Healthy boundaries need to be discussed. You need to get on the same page with your husband and figure out how you're going to tackle this issue long-term. Dealing with this right after giving birth sounds like a nightmare.
    via u/DragonCelica

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gender baby pregnancy pregnancy announcement boys lies lying baby girl monster in law in laws mother in law pregnant mom baby boy gender reveal
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