Woman Finds Out Her Husband Fabricated His Entire Life, Even His Family, She Files for Divorce: 'Everything was a lie'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 19, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome, internet lovelies. We've all seen movies where the main character must lie to hide his identity. Maybe he is a spy on a top-secret mission, forced to create a fake identity and background. Maybe he is a superhero who lives a double life. Eventually, his lover unravels the lies, confronts him in a dramatic, rainy, and passionate scene, and he confesses. After the initial disbelief and anger at being lied to, his lover accepts his confession and apology because ultimately, his actions were for the greater good. However, what if she were to discover that the intricate web of lies woven by her lover were not for a noble cause?

In our story today, a woman catches her husband in a lie, which leads her to slowly discover that most of his background, life, and their relationship has been a sham. From little white lies, like claiming to have been at the Berlin Wall when it fell, to daily, detailed stories about his job and interactions with coworkers who did not exist, this man lied about everything. Scroll down for the full list of shocking betrayals.

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  • 01
    Just found out husband fabricated entire life...can I get an annulment, and how do I get him out?
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 02
    [Georgia] Just found out husband fabricated entire life...can I get an annulment, and how do I get him out? Jan 28, 2019 I met my husband four years ago, just before moving from PA to GA. Shortly after my move he followed me, and we fell in love. We lived together from 2015 onward, and in mid-November 2018 we married.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 03
    Today I discovered that virtually everything he has ever told me or demonstrated about his life was a complete fabrication. From specific medical issues to jobs (past and present) to education to family relationships to the claim that his first language was not English to phone conversations that never happened to people he knows to...if you can think it, he has lied about it.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 04
    We live together but my name is on the lease and I hold the title on both of our cars. He has some belongings in our home, but most of it has been purchased with money that I have earned over our four years together -- plus money from my personal savings account. I am totally open to letting him walk with all of 'his' stuff, and even signing the older car to him.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 05
    After a quick internet search it looks like I might have grounds for annulment of my marriage, on the basis of being seriously misled. Do I? What will I need to be able to prove in order to make it work, and is there anything else I need to keep in mind to aim for an annulment instead of a divorce? He is mentally ill (though quite differently than I was led to believe) and receives SSDI each month, but that is nowhere near enough for him to live on. What is the legal way to get him out of my hou
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 06
    Also, do I look for a divorce lawyer in this situation? (sorry if that's a dumb question) Also also, how does custody of pets work? We have two kittens we got in July and I can't imagine separating them. I also can't imagine him being able to take care of them once we're separated, but I don't know if that matters.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 07
    ADDITIONAL INFORMATION OOP posted a comment on things her husband lied about
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 08
    I've had a bunch of questions about what, specifically, the man in question lied about. Here's a partial list: • . that he went to school in Britain, met his (ex-)wife there, and lived there for about twenty years before returning to the US that he went to the bank and tried to close out our joint account but couldn't do it because he wasn't an authorized signer on the account
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 09
    • ⚫ full list of emergency medical information, including doctor's names and phone numbers, and list of medications he was (wasn't) • one • that his grown kids stole about $2000 from him and kicked him out of his own house • that he'd managed to scrape together enough money to buy a house but then his property tax increased and he ended up losing the house in an totally unfair turn of events turns out he'd so egregiously messed up his family's finances that his ex- wife ended up losing the home
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 10
    • • • • that his father had abused him horribly as a kid and that his mom had stood by and let it happen that his aunt and uncle were the only relatives who'd really cared for him -- and his uncle had died suddenly of a heart attack (right before we uncle is still alive and well, btw really got serious) that he'd been in Berlin when the wall came down that he was harassed at the grocery store by some random lady that didn't like the way he looked
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 11
    • • • • that he grew up speaking Polish as a first language that he walked and talked in his sleep (in his first language Polish...as a side effect of the medication he was wasn't on that his dad was a wood-worker and was making furniture for us that his brother worked for DARPA • that his aunt was a nun
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 12
    • • • that a nurse at the hospital had told him some things about my dad's case that we needed to attend to that he had a specific job with a host of people he worked with on a regular basis -- and all the stories he told me on a nearly daily basis about those people that his boss had bought him the fancy new watch he had on his wrist
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 13
    • • • • that Mr. Park the camera repair guy did work on his cameras for free or at a discount countless lies about money spent or refunds unavailable for all kinds of reasons that his counselor had actually said exactly what I just said when they'd talked about it, too! happened over and over again this ⚫ That he was bipolar and borderline schizophrenic (but well controlled and committed to taking his meds) • that he was feeling 'down' at a given time
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 14
    • • • • that he'd posted a sign at work to collect donations for a cause I cared about, and now the only problem was finding a truck big enough to this was the lie that led to the end transport it all that he'd met the Queen that he'd been commissioned to make artwork for Harry and Megan -- and a special concierge for the Queen had come for tea to pick it up that he got shot at in this bad neighbourhood this one time
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 15
    • • that he got shot at in this bad neighbourhood this one time that a candidate in a local election campaign had some specific and objectionable position ⚫ that he'd talked to so-and-so, and such-and-such • • had happened, and isn't that awesome/awful/ stupid/tremendous that some awful person had hit the front of our car in the parking lot and never left a note (but it's okay because he filed a report with the cops, who won't be able to do anything anyway)
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 16
    that gallery some-name had bought his artwork. But also the payment got screwed up. ⚫ that his ex-wife had cheated on him continually • • • • • that he'd done some-activity on any-random-day that he'd been asked to interview for a job at... that he'd messed up his knee and went to get it fixed, but his insurance didn't cover it, so he had to pull money out to pay for it that he had medical insurance
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 17
    • • that he'd been on the highway in Britain and his motorcycle broke down. On his way to get help he was hit by a car, and that's how his leg got messed up. that he'd looked for places to live after I was moving out but he couldn't find anything and so he needed to stay with me to avoid homelessness that he needed our cats to keep him in a good mental space (see above re. mental illness lies...)
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 18
    • that he'd actually broken a rib in that car accident • • • • we'd just had, but don't worry he'd be okay that some FBI agents had interviewed him because Trump that he had $ pending with some lawsuits in PA but also who knows if/when that will appear because wouldn't you know it but the entire law from had been busted for I-forget-what • that he'd divorced his wife many years before he met me that he loved me
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 19
    Update Feb 16, 2020 (1 year later) [Update] Just found out husband fabricated entire life... Edit: This post got more attention than I expected, and awards I didn't even know existed (thanks, kind strangers!). A few notes for the curious among you:
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 20
    • the best advice I can give for those stuck in an abusive or otherwise horrible relationship is this: (1) no matter what you think now, it will be better if you get out, (2) find people who will give you the kind of advice you'd give someone if roles were reversed, then do what they tell you that you should do, (3) when you're ready to process everything, find a therapist to help you through it, and (4) as well as you can, act in ways that will allow you to look yourself in the eye when it's ov
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 21
    • there's a disturbing number of people out there who have lived through things like this and much worse. Please be kind to one another, support those who need it, and refuse to tolerate poor treatment of others. Now back to the original post...
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 22
    It's been a little bit over a year since I turned to this community as my life fell rather dramatically to pieces around me. My original post didn't get a ton of attention, but the replies I received helped me tremendously, and seeing where I am a year later may also provide some hope for those going through their own crisis. In particular, you helped me construct my initial list of immediate-to-do items, and put me on the right track to figure out how to extricate myself from the relationship.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 23
    The day I first posted here was the day I found out that my then-husband had lied and fabricated most of what I knew about him. Other things I did that day included teaching a class to 200 undergrads about 15 minutes after I found out for sure, and kicking off a day-and-a-half long job interview for the next stage in my career (a job which I somehow landed...).
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 24
    What unfolded over the following three months can really only be described as living my way through my own version of a Lifetime movie. At some point I moved into an extended stay hotel, and as time passed I learned about the depths and breadths of the lies and deceit he'd used to both control me and get what he wanted, and the lengths he'd go to try and get his grip back on what he'd successfully manipulated his way through for about four years. What I know now -- and what I'm kind of glad I di
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 25
    About two-and-a-half months later I successfully had my marriage annulled on the basis of Fraudulent Coercion to Marry. I ended up doing the necessary research and filing the paperwork myself -- which was not an easy task, but was both cheaper and faster than it was going to be if I hired a lawyer. A few weeks after the annulment I moved my belongings out of our apartment and moved to a new city and my new job. Without him, but with the kittens. As of late June I finally had him convinced that c
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 26
    One of the things I've learned from all of this is how incredibly difficult it is to get out of a relationship in a situation like this. Besides the obvious difficulty of navigating the legal system, and the cost associated with it, there's the cognitive dissonance of constantly trying to remember to relate to that other. person in light of the new information you've found out about them. It really and truly took every life skill and tremendous support of my family and friends network to get out
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 27
    So...thanks to those who helped me back on that terrible day in January 2019. And if you know someone who is going through something like this, please offer whatever you can in support. Because they definitely need it!
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 28
    RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP on how all the lies unraveled OOP His lies and fabrications started before we met, and were on a rather large scale. Ultimately things fell apart because he made too many promises he couldn't keep. I had questions in the past, but had managed to move past them. This time it was just too much, and I asked him for evidence. I felt absolutely terrible, but I wanted a picture of something, just to allay my fears.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 29
    He provided the picture but there was a small element that didn't quite fit. Again feeling like a terrible person I did a reverse image search and discovered it wasn't his picture.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 30
    This led to more lies, as he quickly fabricated new layers to make the things I'd found out more palatable. But he took a route that meant there were questions about what was true and what he'd imagined. That led to me pulling at some threads in an attempt to help him put some pieces together (I know, right...). In the process | reached out to some people who were supposedly part of his life, and everything began to tumble in on itself. After a few days I had a more complete story and that was i
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 31
    Except...it took quite awhile to consistently remember that he was not the person I thought he was. All told I think it took about 6 months to totally come to terms with it. And even now there are occasional moments where I have to explicitly remind myself that he's not actually person A, but is actually Sir Face the Undesirable.
    via u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/PopRocks241
  • 32
    Far-Ad5796 • 1d Something similar happened to a woman I know. Ironically, I met the husband first, and we actually served on an ad hoc committee together. He was charming, funny and told great stories. Unfortunately they were all untrue.
    via u/Far-Ad5796
  • 33
    He was finally outed by another mutual friend, who was a professional pilot. He told an amusing anecdote about his time in the RAF, and halfway through the mutual friend said, "That's . You would have either died or got thrown in jail. Probably died because that plane can't (do that maneuver) without crashing, and if you'd somehow pulled it off you would be the worlds greatest living pilot, and we'd all be hailing you and you'd be doing that for a living."
    via u/Far-Ad5796
  • 34
    Well. That was the first pull of the thread that ultimately unraveled the whole sweater. It took a good two months for her to really unpack everything, but Same as the OOP, virtually every part of his life was a lie. Only difference was that he was actually gainfully employed, though of course we all wondered if he'd actually done any of the things in his resume.
    via u/Far-Ad5796
  • 35
    • They'd been married 10 plus years, no children thankfully, but the divorce was messy as Happily, she met a super guy 7 years later and they've been married almost 10 years. Reply 1.7k
    via u/Far-Ad5796
  • 36
    Odysses2020 • 16h That's terrifying but so fascinating. How do people fabricate entire worlds and not expect their partners to find out? It's psychotic. 425
    via u/Odysses2020
  • 37
    gnorrn 10h • Some people are just compulsive liars: they lie even when there is no rational benefit in doing so, and even though their lies can easily be exposed. I think it's a kind of addiction to the momentary high they get from saying something impressive or amazing. I knew someone like this in college. 204
    via u/gnorrn
  • 38
    chiefpassh2os • 1d I want to know the story of how she found out about his lies, that sounds super interesting Reply 2.1k
    via u/chiefpassh2os
  • 39
    mindsalike 22h ...finally exploited the elephant in the room Definitely went digging, and it was probably a small lie that just didn't make sense that ticked it off. Once you encounter that first lie, you start to question more and more, and you uncover things. You go down a rabbit hole.
    via u/mindsalike
  • 40
    I had an ex that was a compulsive liar. I believed him because I wanted to trust him, so I never questioned him. I think he became comfortable with lying, and knowing I wouldn't double-check the facts, he didn't put much effort into actually concealing his lies. He got comfortable with lying itself. Things began to not make sense, and suddenly I'm finding out he lied about his age and numerous other random details that didn't even make sense to lie about, just because I put a bit of effort into
    via u/mindsalike
  • 41
    boiledham • 1d "partial" list, ends up scrolling for 5 min ... Reply 1.1k
    via u/boiledham
  • 42
    lucyfell • 1d When you're in a situation like this it's actually really important to write this stuff down and remind yourself that you're sane and ground yourself in like... the reality that he's liar. Or he'll try to confuse you. До 728 д
    via u/lucyfell
  • 43
    makeitcool ⚫ 1d Go head a moose I admire OOP's mental (and probably physical) fortitude to act on her determination. Just from this post alone I can feel how taxing it must've been. And having to spend money on all this even though she's the victim. I hope she has an easy time now that she's passed this major hurdle. She absolutely deserves a vacation. Reply 149
    via u/makeitcool

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marriage liar drama toxic Female Empowerment wife reddit story marriage-drama relationships husband couples divorce love breakup reddit thread red flag Reddit betrayal
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