Woman Cancels On Family Vacation After Finding Out Her Parents Paid for Golden Child Brother Yet Again, Finally Setting Boundaries After Years of Favoritism

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  • 01
    r/TrueOffMyChest u/thethrowqueen • 1d I'm ruining the family vacation because my parents won't pay for me.
  • 02
    I have been trying to help my mom over the past few months plan a family trip. Throughout this process, my mom told me that she and my dad probably couldn't afford to pay for all of us (mom, dad, brother, me and bf) to go, which is fine. I told her she shouldn't be expected to do that since we're all adults with adult jobs and could pay for our flight and share of the lodging. Obviously she was receptive to that.
  • 03
    So fast forward to today and we're about to book the flights and travel, so we're on the phone talking through how much everyone's flight was going to be. Since I hadn't talked to my brother personally, I asked if he was cool with how much the tickets were. Her demeanor immediately changed to nervous laughter, and she said that he didn't offer to pay and so they were going to pay for him, and "just because we offered doesn't mean he has to pay". For additional context my brother is a civil engin
  • 04
    If I'm being honest, I sort of suspected this, so I wasn't super surprised. However, I played it cool and said "oh, didn't realize he wasn't going to be paying for his portion". Predictably my mom AND dad launched into this defensive ramble "Well it's your fault you offered! We were going to pay for you until you offered" (a lie). They also said I was acting entitled to their money, which is a recurring bit for them anytime money comes up. There's a lot of nuance to that, but suffice it to say t
  • 05
    Anyway, they know this bit me off, and they succeeded yet again. But this time I just felt something snap in me, so I just I told them if that's the way they feel about it, then maybe we should just call it off, and I don't want to be around people who think I'm just trying to mooch off them. Then I just hung up. Now they're texting that I'm "selfishly ruining the vacation because I'm jealous" and are calling me "entitled".
  • 06
    Maybe I am entitled. Maybe my parents just like my brother better. Idk which is more true, but I'm a little glad I'm ruining the family vacation. 3,969 ☐ 188 ✓ 380
  • 07
    Steelergrl2310 • 1d Let them go have their vacation. You and your BF spend the money you would have and take a vacation you both will enjoy. Reply 4.7k
  • 08
    thethrowqueen OP. 1d Lol, the thing is they all fight with each other on vacation! It's so crazy! I was just going to go to be part of the family, but I don't think I will be doing that this time. 2.5k B
  • 09
    kanafra • 1d Good for you. Maybe go on a vacation with your bf. Reply 744
  • 10
    CalicoHippo • 1d . You're going to feel so much better when you and your bf take a nice relaxing vacation that doesn't come with a side of guilt trip. Their trip isn't ruined, if they choose to do something different because you don't go, that's on them. Not you. They wanna continue to play favorites with their adult kids, that's fine. Doesn't mean you have to accept it or be a party to it anymore. ← Reply 449
  • 11
    Jaereth. 1d Yeah to me that sounded super narcissistic or some abusive kinda deal. Saying "you ruined our vacation" like that - she didn't ruin Or to me it feels like if her not being there "ruins" it for the parents, it's probably because they are going to miss their punching bag they can insult and talk down to the whole time. • • • 65
  • 12
    Calico Hippo 1d Exactly. How can they flaunt their golden child if the scapegoat isn't there to see it? ... ← Ŵ 24 ♡
  • 13
    Vivid-Farm6291 • 1d Well done for standing up for yourself. I would continue to ignore their guilt and go on a holiday that is about you and bf with no arguments. But remember they spoil your brother but when the chips are down the chances of your brother taking time to help them out are slim. YOU and you alone will be expected to step up and sacrifice for them.
  • 14
    Maybe now is a good time to think about what YOU want for this relationship going forward. It is absolutely alright to take massive steps backwards and not engage if that is what YOU want. Never let anyone guilt you into anything that you don't want to do. ... Reply 142
  • 15
    soappube⚫ 1d If it were me I'd just say "oh well this is getting too complicated and weird. Have a good time!" and then take your own vacation to somewhere better. Reply 73
  • 16
    JonesinforJonesey • 1d Tell them to have fun with their golden boy and you'll have fun somewhere else with yours. I hope they like the nursing home he picks out for them too when the time comes. Reply 105
  • 17
    solarpropietor ⚫ 1d • "You are correct, I am not entitled to your money, but you're not entitled to my time." And ghost them for lien 6 months to a year. NC for a full facking year. Reply 50
  • 18
    Odd Welcome7940. 1d If they have family vacation money for everyone but you then perhaps you aren't family. So now you can go on your own vacation with a man who lives you. Tell them that then hang up. Then block them. Reply 79 ...
  • 19
    Ok-Many4262 • 1d . You are not entitled and I'd send them a reply. I'm not ruining anything: your failure to even pretend that you don't coddle Brother when he has an excellent salary and knows he can get away with not covering his costs is ruining this trip. I can't explain this pattern any other way. I'm the one who upholds the principle that adult children should not expect their parents to pay for them, yet, I guess because. you didn't teach him to be independent early enough in life, when h
  • 20
    I no longer want to come on this holiday. It's not about who's paying for what. I don't want to come because I'm too angry and hurt to enjoy a vacation- and there are better ways to spend the money, and people who treat me better than you guys. Have a great time. With your favourite child. Reply 27
  • 21
    The PrincessOfMonaco. 1d That response from them kinda proves the point that it was unfair the whole time. If it was an honest mistake they would have apologized. Reply 17

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