22-year old niece demands uncle pay for $50k wedding despite already offering $15k, calls him 'manipulative' when he refuses: 'You're nothing more than a bank account'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 28, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

It's no secret that weddings are often expensive affairs. They have a way of burning through money, unlike any other party. The dress, the venue, the food, the entertainment… it can cost quite literally a small fortune. So, it follows that some families try to split the cost. Maybe the groom's side will pitch some in, the bride's side will cover some, and the couple will use their shared savings to fill in the rest. It's not an uncommon arrangement. 

But you can easily run into issues when you begin relying on one person to cover the whole of the cost, especially when that person themselves hasn't fully committed to it. That's what happened in this family, where a young bride and her mother tried to squeeze their uncle/brother dry, leaving them all with a bad taste in their mouths. Read on for the story and decide what you would have done.

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  • 01
    PEDERAS UNITED STATES OF BG B 1460 E CONNE DOLLAR
    via Unsplash+ (Lala Azizli)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to pay for my niece's wedding after promising to cover it?
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 03
    So, I'm a 35-year-old guy, and I've always been close with my older sister, Emily (38F), and her daughter, Lily (22F). Emily had Lily when she was young (16), and since she was a single mom for most of it, I've always tried to help out where I could. Over the years, I've paid for Lily's summer camps, her college applications, and even her first car. I did this because I love them both and always wanted to support them.
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 04
    A year ago, Lily got engaged to her long-term boyfriend. When they announced the engagement at a family dinner, I said I'd be happy to help with wedding expenses. I never said I'd pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding. It became clear when Lily and Emily started planning a big, extravagant affair-destination wedding, 200+ guests, you name it.
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 05
    I sat them down and said I'd contribute $15,000, which I thought was a pretty generous amount. But they both seemed really upset. Lily said I "promised" to pay for the wedding, and Emily backed her up, saying I "always supported them" and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I'd cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn't happening. $15,000 was all I could give.
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 06
    Now, here's where things get worse. Lily and Emily stopped including me in the wedding planning entirely. I didn't hear much from them for a while, and it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I'd eventually cave and cover it. Now they're in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away. Emily called me, crying, saying they were going to lose deposits and that I "ruined" the wedding by not coming through. Lily isn't speaking to me.
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 07
    Here's the kicker: Emily and Lily are now saying I'm being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom's family. They claim they never would've planned something so extravagant if I hadn't. promised to cover it all.
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 08
    But I never said that. I said I'd help. I feel like I've done more than enough over the years, but now I'm being treated like the villain for not paying for this giant wedding. AITA?
    via u/Ok_Panic_1861
  • 09
    . anothertypicalcmmnt • 19h ago NTA How incredibly entitled. I think it's absolutely awful how they're trying to take advantage of your generosity. If an uncle offered to give me $15k for anything, I'd be so grateful!! They dug this hole themselves, and now they're finding out your
    via u/anothertypicalcmmnt
  • 10
    boundaries are, in fact, ACTUAL boundaries that you plan to stick too. Good for you!! They could have planned a perfect good wedding for $15k or threw in a bit of their own money for a $20k wedding, smh.
    via u/anothertypicalcmmnt
  • 11
    cndn... 19h ago Edited 4m ago • Jesus. I wish I had someone generous to give me 15k. I can't imagine booking a wedding | couldn't afford to cover myself, let alone scoffing at someone pitching in 15 grand. You sat her down and clarified everything with lots of notice. NTA.
    via u/cndnsportsfan
  • 12
    HugelnTheShire •19h ago. NTA You're nothing more than a bank account to these people, they'll bleed your bank account dry and once it's all gone so are they.
    via u/HugelnTheShire
  • 13
    Malaronie 19h ago • NTA I could understand that they got used to you as a provider of sorts but this is beyond ungrateful, you put so much effort into making their lives easier and contributing what you could. This is incredibly disrespectful to your efforts and it seems as if they are trying to take advantage of you,
    via u/Malaronie
  • 14
    and when you didn't let them, they got upset. And not including you in the planning even though you are offering to pay for a portion of it is disgustingly petty. I hope you sort this out and they realize it's unreasonable for them to keep relying on you and demanding for things out of your expense and just enjoy the event itself no matter how big or small it is as a family
    via u/Malaronie
  • 15
    Even_Enthusiasm7223 19h ago • Here's an even easier solution. Say $15,000 or no dollars. And that's that. They want to spend $50,000 with someone else's money. Tell them that someone else is not going to be you.
    via u/Even_Enthusiasm7223
  • 16
    RoyallyOakie • 19h ago • NTA....The least you can do? The least you can do is zero, and at this point that's what they deserve. They took your kindness and generosity for granted. Your niece and sister need to reflect on just how much you've already done for them.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • 17
    LittleKokiriBrat 19h ago . • As someone getting married in 2 weeks, our wedding is under 10k because 1. we paid for everything ourselves and it's what we could afford, and 2. we don't feel entitled to anyone else's money. This is insane.
    via u/LittleKokiriBrat
  • 18
    ReviewOk929 . 19h ago • it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I'd eventually cave and cover it. NTA - They made a very poor assumption and then doubled down when you were explicitly clear about just how much you would cover. Every single poor decision here is theirs and any manipulation is theirs alone. They're the real villains here but probably not much you can do to stop their bad mouthing.
    via u/ReviewOk929
  • 19
    wopsywoo 19h ago • NTA the least you could do was give them absolutely nothing. It sounds like you've been very supportive and generous for all of your nieces life. 15k is more than generous, if they won't accept that you can't give them more, that's a them problem. I wouldn't give them the 15k either for how they're acting.
    via u/wopsywoo

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Wedding Themes family drama bride marriage wedding party saving money niece wedding uncle story brides wedding cake family reddit thread Reddit bullying weddings money
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