Husband fails to give chronically late influencer wife 40 minute warning, she misses seeing her favorite band on her birthday: 'I used to give her an ETA. I told her I wouldn't be doing that anymore'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 8, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Perpetually late people can be frustrating to hang around with if you're not similarly inclined. While it is true that there are some legitimate reasons for somebody to have bad timekeeping skills, having to repeatedly deal with the fallout of this can get tiring. Also, sometimes there is no good excuse for evading the blame of lateness.

This is especially true when it happens in circumstances that are fully under the late person's control. This is something that one man got fed up with when it came to his wife, a content creator who frequently made them late because she would be staging photoshoots before every event. While he used to get around this by giving her an ETA that was 40 minutes earlier than necessary, he decided to stop and it led to her missing out on a birthday treat. She did not react well, but Redditors were more on her husband's side. Sometimes, you have to learn the hard way. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10414017024
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • 02
    AITAH for letting my chronically late wife miss an event she was looking forward to by not rushing her, because I wanted her to face consequences?
    via throwrabbday
  • 03
    My wife (32F) and I (31M) have been together for 5 years. I'm fed up with my wife's chronic lateness to many things. It's really annoying and grates on my nerves. To her, it seems like no big deal because I always manage to rush her by telling her the time of an event 45 minutes earlier. She's never noticed EARLIER because she's too caught up with herself, constantly taking photos. That's the reason she's always late.
    via throwrabbday
  • 04
    She has a decent following on Instagram and is looking to grow as a "content creator." I find it really silly how she turns everything we do into a photo session, and at this point, I've stopped agreeing to take her photos altogether. We've had several conversations about this. I've told her that it's mentally exhausting for me to always have to stay on top of making sure we both get ready according to plan. But she never really does anything to address it.
    via throwrabbday
  • 05
    This time, I wanted her to experience the consequences of her actions. This month alone, we've been embarrassingly late to events 2 times, and this time was the first she realized I hadn't been honest about the timing because I used to give her an ETA 40 minutes earlier. A week ago, I told her I wouldn't be doing that anymore and that I expected her to act like an adult and be more responsible. It was her birthday this weekend, and I got her tickets to an event featuring several performers, incl
    via throwrabbday
  • 06
    We arrived, and she realized what had happened. She got upset and started crying, asking how I could do this to her on her birthday. She said it seemed like I was liking the rise it got from her and asked why I couldn't set my "ego" aside for one day. I told her this was on her, I'd already made it clear I wasn't going to rush anymore, and she should have listened the first time and expected me to follow through, unlike her. She said the whole point of the event was to see the performances of th
    via throwrabbday
  • 07
    The ride home was awkward. I was in the downstairs restroom when she texted me saying I wasn't welcome in the bedroom that night. I ignored her message and went in while she was changing. She looked like she wanted to kill me, and I simply told her that her saying I'm not welcome was irrelevant because it's my room too. If she's uncomfortable, she could take the couch. She ended up leaving to visit her mom, and I'm ? considering whether I was an
    via throwrabbday
  • 08
    Worldly Act5867 The irony of her mentioning YOUR ego!
    via Wordly_Act5867
  • 09
    DazzleMeX THIS. It's ironic that she's calling out your ego when it sounds like she's the one trying to manipulate the situation. It's frustrating when someone projects their issues onto you. If she really cared about the relationship, she'd be more considerate and willing to compromise OP. NTA
    via DazzleMeX
  • 10
    upset_pachyderm NTA. This would infuriate me, and I wouldn't have put up with it as long as you did. She's an adult; she can figure it out if it's important to her.
    via upset_pachyderm
  • 11
    solo_throwaway254247 Let her be late to events that matter to her. But if the event is important to OP, he should leave without her. Let her make her own way there. There's no reason for OP to be late to events he cares about. And when he gets there and is asked where she is, he should be honest about the reason she's not there or is late. ΝΤΑ
    via solo_throwaway254247
  • 12
    Alternative-Bat-2462 NTA but how did it get as far as 5 years married? I wouldn't go past the 3rd date for someone who didn't value my time as well as anyone else's.
    via Alternative-Bat-2462
  • 13
    BreakOutrageous7040 NTA. What are you doing dating someone with a highschool mentality at 32? She sounds insufferable. I assume she's hot, or you'd see that more clearly.
    via BreakOutrageous7040
  • 14
    MassiveBo bsx ehh, i get why you're frustrated, but doing that on her birthday might have been a bit much. holding her accountable is fair, but timing it for her big day wasn't the best move. probably could've picked a different time to make your point.
    via MassiveBobsx
  • 15
    Inefficientfrog Okay, but you should really get a divorce before gets even more toxic. Once you start wanting to "teach them a lesson", it ain't healthy anymore.
    via inefficientfrog
  • 16
    andrew02020 Once you start wanting to "teach them a lesson", it ain't healthy anymore. On her birthday no less. Seems to be a lot of resentment and disrespect going both ways in this relationship.
    via andrew02020
  • 17
    grayblue_grrl ΝΤΑ. People who run late never understand why it is a big deal. And people who manage everything to get them where they are are exhausted by the time they get to where they need to be. You are just too exhausted to deal with the Expect her to stay at her mother's until "you apologize". BUT NEVER apologize for it. Be prepared for a siege and seriously think about what your future looks like.
    via grayblue_grrl
  • 18
    Snackinpenguin NTA. She finally realized the consequences of her delays/lateness. Hope the influencer routine was worth it for her that evening. She has become dependent though on you, and you're now facing the wrath of having her go cold turkey without a time buffer.
    via Snackinpenguin

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