Woman Refuses to Fund Irresponsible Cousin's Second Attempt at College, Family Labels Her 'Selfish' for Not Giving in to Entitlement

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 20, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome, gossiping gals of the internet. It is absolutely mind-blowing how often people feel that they are entitled to the success of others - especially friends and family. It is not uncommon that when one family member 'makes it' through their hard work, effort and sacrifice, that other family members come flocking to them for handouts. While it is good and wholesome to commit to the occasional act of charity when someone you love is truly in a pickle, giving in to every whim can eventually drain you dry. Plus, there is a difference between helping a family member with medical bills versus paying for their entire luxurious wedding just because you could technically afford it.

In our story today, a young woman is expected to give her irresponsible cousin what is left of her college fund. Our protagonist still has money leftover because she earned a scholarship for her last year of university. Thus, according to her relatives, there is still money 'just sitting there.'  Our protagonist refuses to give into the entitlement as she has her own plans for the money that she deserves to keep. Get the full story below.

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  • 01
    r/AmltheA u/No-Astronaut-8118 • 1d AITA for refusing to give my younger cousin my college fund because she "needs it more"?
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 02
    I (24F) graduated college two years ago, thanks in large part to a college fund that my parents had been saving for me since I was little. I feel incredibly fortunate for that, and I worked hard to make the most of it by getting good grades and finishing on time. My younger cousin (20F), on the other hand, dropped out of college last year after failing a few courses. Now she's planning to go back, but the issue is that she used up a good chunk of her own college fund during her first attempt.
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 03
    Recently, my aunt and uncle (her parents) came to me and asked if I'd be willing to give my cousin what's left of my college fund to help her go back. I had some money left over because I got a scholarship during my last year, so there's still a decent amount sitting in that account. I told them that I wasn't comfortable doing that. I've been saving that leftover money for grad school or maybe to put towards a house one day, and I don't feel like it's my responsibility to give it up just because
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 04
    Now, my cousin and her parents are upset with me. My cousin says she "needs it more" and that I'm being selfish for not helping her out when I had my entire education paid for. My aunt and uncle think I should give her the money because "it's just sitting there," and they don't want her to take out loans. I get that student loans are tough, but I worked hard for my degree and saved that money for my future. I don't think I should be guilted into giving it up.
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 05
    AITA for refusing to give my cousin the rest of my college fund? 6,095 1,198
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 06
    Lunar-Eclipse0204. 1d Professor Emeritass [92] NTA - If the account isn't just in your name, make sure whoever else is on it knows you said no, You don't even have to give a reason. Better yet if you can, transfer it to your own savings. ← Reply 6.9k
    via u/Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • 07
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP 1d That's a really good point! The account is in my name, but I think it's a smart move to transfer the money to a different savings account just to avoid any issues. I appreciate the advice, definitely something I'm going to look into! ... 4.6k B
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 08
    Lunar-Eclipse0204 • 1d Professor Emeritass [92] Glad I could help, honestly. No one else but you should know how much is left, so it sounded odd that your aunt, uncle and cousin all knew. ← 2k
    via u/Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • 09
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP. 1d That's such a great point, I honestly didn't even think about how odd it was that my aunt, uncle, and cousin knew so much about what was left in the account. It feels like they've been keeping tabs on it for a while, which makes this whole thing even more uncomfortable. I'll definitely make sure I'm the only one with access from now on. Thanks again for the advice! ← 2.3k
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 10
    Antique_Wafer8605 • 1d Did they get the info from your parents? 731
    via u/Antique_Wafer8605
  • 11
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP • 1d You know, I didn't even consider that possibility! I'll have to ask my parents about it. It would explain how they knew such specific details. Thanks for bringing that up, I'm definitely going to look into it. 1.5k
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 12
    Caturday_Everyday • 1d Transfer it to an entirely different bank, not just a new account at the same one. Especially if you previously had a minor/joint account with your parents on it, or if it's the same bank your parents use, or if your mailing or ID address matches theirs. Bank employees aren't supposed to share info or access, but it's easy enough to social engineer people into giving up info.
    via u/Caturday_Everyday
  • 13
    If you don't have immediate goals for the money, an online high yield savings account or a CD could yield some interest, and many in person banks and credit unions offer similar things. Keep that money safe AND growing for whenever you need it. ← 21.7k
    via u/Caturday_Everyday
  • 14
    demon803 1d Pooperintendant [59] NTA, no participation trophies in real life, she needs. to put on her big girl pants and figure life out. The fact that her parents coddled her and let her get away with stuff and want you to make it all better says a lot about them also. Reply 1.2k
    via u/demon803
  • 15
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP 1d • Thank you! I've been feeling like I'm the bad guy here, but you're right sometimes people need to face the consequences of their own actions. It feels like they're all expecting me to just fix this for her, but that's not fair to me. I appreciate the support! 511
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 16
    Ok-Cat-4975 • 1d You saved your money by getting scholarships, she wasted her money by dropping out and probably will again if she gets a free ride. She'll appreciate her education more if she has to work for it herself. NTA 229
    via u/Ok-Cat-4975
  • 17
    Malibu Cola • 1d Partassipant [4] NTA. Your family is. I can't believe the entitlement of some people! It's YOUR money. You do with it as you see fit. ... Reply 526
    via u/Malibu_Cola
  • 18
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP. 1d Thank you! It's been hard dealing with the pressure from my family, but hearing someone else call it out helps me feel more confident in my decision. It really is my money, and I shouldn't feel bad about using it for my own plans. 222
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 19
    HapkiLady 1d • NTA. Don't do it. My two daughters both had college funds. One went to an in-state school, did lots of dual credit in high school and has half of her account left. The other went out of state tuition and will take the entire 4 years. She will not have anything left. Their choices. Reply 309 ⇓
    via u/HapkiLady
  • 20
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP 1d • Exactly! It comes down to personal choices and being responsible for those decisions. Your daughters seem to have handled their funds based on what worked best for them, just like I'm planning to. It's unfair to expect someone to give up their savings for someone else's mistakes. 132
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 21
    Ok_Conversation9750. 1d Supreme Court Just- [125] "My aunt and uncle think I should give her the money because "it's just sitting there," and they don't want her to take out loans. Well, their retirement/savings account is just sitting there, too, so they can help out their own kid. NTA, Reply 258
    via u/Ok_Conversation9750
  • 22
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP. 1d Totally! If their retirement/savings is sitting there, why aren't they using that? It feels like they just don't want to dip into their own pockets. Thanks for reaffirming that I'm not crazy for thinking this. 143
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 23
    ReviewOk929 • 1d Supreme Court Just- [133] and asked if I'd be willing to give my cousin what's left of my college fund to help her go back - NTA That's her and her parents responsibility, not yours. You've legitimate reasons for saving the money, grad school etc, and shouldn't be guilted into it. What do your parents have to say about this as well??? Reply 165
    via u/ReviewOk929
  • 24
    Round Butterfly2091 • 1d . It's astonishing that they even asked you for that much money. This is money that you managed to save thanks to doing so well in school. Your cousin had the same opportunities, but she squandered her chances. Your aunt and uncle don't want to take out a loan? That's too bad. Their daughter and her missteps are your cousins responsibility, not yours. Reply 68
    via u/RoundButterfly2091
  • 25
    No-Astronaut-8118 OP 1d • Exactly! I've been feeling guilty about it because of how much pressure they've put on me, but you're right. She had the same chances I did and made different choices. It's hard to stand firm, but this situation has shown me that it's not my responsibility to fix their financial problems. Thanks for the perspective! 40
    via u/No-Astronaut-8118
  • 26
    hubertburnette • 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] It's weird--but common--for people to believe that people who are irresponsible with money are entitled to money from people who are responsible. Lots of people flunk out their first semester, and then get their together and thrive, but lots don't, and just keep making different versions of the same mistakes. I wonder if she's thought through what went wrong for her, and if she has a different plan. 15
    via u/hubertburnette

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