Woman Refuses to Act as Therapist to Ex-husband’s Second Wife After He Cheats on Her as Well, Family Takes Second Wife’s Side

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Oct 25, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

As sympathetic as one can be to people who have no one to talk about their issues with, some lines cannot be crossed. It is okay to occasionally say 'no' to people who seek advice and comfort in the wrong place.

What does it mean to seek comfort in the wrong place, you ask? Here is the perfect example – The woman who wrote this Reddit story (OP, original poster) divorced her husband 17 years ago after he cheated on her. He then went on and married the woman he cheated with, and they all remained in contact because of their child. Now, the cheater husband strikes again and cheats on his current wife, who turns to OP seeking someone who understands how she feels and is willing to listen to her. However, all OP wants to say to the poor woman is – 'Well, what did you expect was going to happen when you married a known cheater?'

Keep scrolling to read how OP feels about her new role as therapist to her ex's wife. Up next, click here for a story of a sisterly dispute over babysitting.

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  • 01
    Now, he cheated on her and for some reason this woman who always had a really cold and distant relationship with me is insisting in trying to talk with me everyday.
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  • 02
    I'm tired of my ex-husband's wife wanting be my friend just because he cheated on us both.
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  • 03
    I don't understand why I'm in this situation and honestly I'm frustrated because even MY own family tells me I'm the bad one here, I just need to vent and I don't need any advice or somebody telling me "Do this" "I think you should tell her this" or "I would write her this or this".
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  • 04
    More than 17 years ago my ex- husband cheated on me with a woman I didn't know but she knew me. He left me for her, our only daughter was a baby and I just moved on with my life. I'm never going to fight for a man who makes
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  • 05
    immature decisions without first thinking about the consequences. He married that woman, I went on with my life preferring to have a healthy co-parenting for my daughter. He never showed remorse
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  • 06
    and he had even told me that ours was always a mistake and that woman was the love of his life, that helped me to realize that he's a total d and I don't need a man like that in my life.
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  • 07
    Now, he cheated on her and for some reason this woman who always had a really cold and distant relationship with me is insisting in trying to talk with me everyday. I found out about the infidelity from my daughter who wasn't affected by
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  • 08
    that so I didn't think too much about it, the only thing that worried me was to know if he was going to be able to continue having our daughter at his house on weekends as always.
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  • 09
    But his wife started sending me messages explaining what happened when I never asked her that and in the past I only spoke to her if her husband didn't answer my texts to ask something about my daughter.
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  • 10
    It's obvious that she needs to talk about it, it doesn't matter if I answer dryly because she sends me long audios talking about it anyway. I mean, I understand that she needs to talk about her husband's infidelity and blah, but why me? I don't want to be but I don't care how she or he feels.
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  • 11
    In one of her audios she says "You know how I feel now"... Like, I guess? But that was 17 years ago, It's not the same. And If I'm being 100% honest, she can't compare herself to me at all; a woman who has just given birth to
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  • 12
    whom her husband tells her that he has been cheating on her for long time with another woman who is not boring in bed and does know how to value him VS a woman who always knew that her husband is unfaithful and decided to marry him anyway.
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  • 13
    Anyway, I've tried to ignore her as much as I can, but even when I talked to my family or friends about this, almost all of them told me things like: "Oh, but she must feel lonely", "but she wasn't to blame for being the other one", "I think you
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  • 14
    should be more empathetic", "We all need someone to talk to" or my favorite one: "She's not to blame for him being a cheater, you should understand her because she needs help" I understand that she is not to blame and he's the cheater, but SHE
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  • 15
    a totally ADULT woman at that time decided to marry a man she knew was sleeping with her while his wife was pregnant, so why should I now carry the weight of helping her when she never helped me by telling me 'Hey, your husband slept with me and that's really
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  • 16
    because he's married with you'? Or that's what I'd do if a married man flirted with me. Now: If she didn't do any of that, then why is it my duty as a feminist to force myself to be her friend? It doesn't make sense and the worst
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  • 17
    thing is that almost all the women around me tells me that I should help her and be her ear when I don't want or feel empathy for her or for him. I think she and he knew very well what they were getting into, I don't understand why I should be her free
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  • 18
    therapist now. Being cheated on is not my whole personality! I don't need to talk about that 24/7 with her. I just chose to ignore her and that's what I'm going to continue doing because I just don't care how she feels even if I'm a bad feminist for not feeling empathy.
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  • 19
    Sorry, my first lenguage is Spanish and I Wrote everything pretty annoyed. Edit: No, I can't block her because she's still living with him and I need to have her contact in case of an emergency with my daughter.
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  • 20
    And honestly it's weird to have so many comments and even private messages from people wanting to tell me what I should send to her and even writing what I feel. I'm sorry but there's no way I'm going to use the message of a stranger who doesn't knows me how I feel or
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  • 21
    the whole situation to say something to someone. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are reflecting their own traumas.
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  • 22
    Wild_Black_Hat • 2d ago • Personally, I just find your family really weird. Just from the title, the situation seemed so absurd that it made me laugh. You don't owe her anything. Tell her to find a therapist because you don't care.
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  • 23
    InfamousCup7097 • 2d ago • Edited 2d ago • She can get a therapist if she needs someone to talk to. It's not your problem those who keep talking to you about it just tell them that you decided to set healthy boundaries and take care of your own mental health so you will not entertain this
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  • 24
    anymore and you expect them to drop the subject. Then tell the woman you wish her well that you think she should get a therapist and that you are not comfortable having a relationship of any kind with her. Then you also need to not talk about it anymore.
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  • 25
    Worth-Mammoth2646 • 2d ago • I would be brutally honest with her like you were in the post. You're absolutely right. I think you can't compare your situations 17 years ago and now. She knew in what she was going into. She has made her bed and has to lie in it.
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  • 26
    You're not her therapist. If you ask me she also has to take the blame for sleeping with a married husband knowing his wife is bringing his child into this world. Your family is... don't even know how to describe it. Your mom just trying to justify her own actions with that.. eww
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relationship advice family drama marriage drama wife relationship-drama reddit story relationships husband advice cheating couples cheater family ex husband Reddit married
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