‘Go get him!’: Biokids rescue their disabled dad when their stepmom neglects him, she threatens to sue, claiming they're just ‘using him for the money’

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    My dad's wife is threatening to sue us after he dies. What can we do to protect ourselves? Custody Divorce and Family Long story. My dad is essentially disabled after a major stroke. His
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    wife refuses to take care of him proper and their house is absolutely disgusting. At one point he fell and cracked his femur. She refused to do anything for him and even left him him home alone with no food or water for an entire day. My husband has to go get him and take him to the hospital.
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    Since then he has been living with us by his own free will. He misses his dogs but he doesn't want to go back there. She is incredibly p ed about this. He is in and out of the hospital s lot because we actually take his health issues seriously and get him help.
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    After his last stay in the hospital she texted my husband and went on a tirade about how he needs to come home, we're just using him for his money and we are clearly neglecting him if he's in the hospital all the time. Note that we don't take any money from him. He occasionally helps with groceries. In fact we spent thousands of our own money getting a ramp installed on our house for him.
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    She has threatened to sue us for elder abuse after he dies. Obviously she can't do it now being as well aren't actually abusing him and he is of sound enough mind to tell a judge that. I'm pretty sure she's just full of but what can we do to protect ourselves just in case? Also note we have all of her threats and nonsense in text because she's a moron.
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    Suckerforcats I'm a former adult protective worker. Keep a binder of dates of appointments you take him to, file away any printed record they give you in that binder and keep a log of when you give him his medications (times, dosage, name of med). That way if anyone ever comes around from social services, you have a well documented binder of his health history and the care you give him.
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    UsuallySunny I'm pretty sure she's just full of but what can we do to protect ourselves just in case? If he's of sound mind, you should meet with an attorney, and he should designate you as POA. He should also have a will, a health care directive, and other relevant documents. It doesn't sound like she has any evidence of "elder abuse."
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    Ziaki OP We already did that when he had his big stroke and he was scared he wasn't going to make it. My aunt has POA of his finances and I have PoA for his medical with a DNR. I'm mostly wondering if there is some way for me to document and prove that we are taking care of him to the best of our ability.
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    He has been notified that his wife is doing this and he doesn't feel the need to do anything about it. He is the type to stick his head in the sand and hope things just go away
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    UsuallySunny This may well go away. It's hard to envision an attorney taking on a completely nonsensical elder abuse case after the elder is dead, when the wife claims she knew about the abuse and did nothing when he was alive. I wouldn't stay up nights worrying about it.
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    Ziaki OP Thanks that's what I thought. We have suggested to him to file for divorce but he's petty and doesn't want her taking half his stuff. Even though she already had his house and cars, one of which she gave to her brother.
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    Makes no sense to us. Seems like it would be worth it. As it stands his financials are set up 60/40 with myself and my husband getting the 60. She would get the 40 and the house and the cars and whatever trash is in them. This is what is written in his will and is also filed with his financial advisor / institution.
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    Information Landmine you really need to have this looked over by an estate planner. There are a lot of things that bypass probate that the will won't mean anything for. For example, with life insurance and all bank/investment accounts, the designated beneficiary gets
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    everything. If his wife is a joint account holder on anything, she just becomes the owner of the account and everything in it when he passes. How the deed is recorded determines how the house is handled, etc. This is not something you can just handle in a will.
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    RootSleuth I took care of my mom for 4.5 years. I am now being sued by a non-biological granddaughter because my mom took her out of her will because she hadn't seen her in a decade. She had a trust and everything all lined up so we thought she was fine. This
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    granddaughter made up a bunch of stuff for the suit petition and I have had to produce everything to prove her wrong. The one thing I would have done that hasn't been already mentioned is to get my mom on video saying that this was her wish. I would have your dad say how he feels in your home
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    vs. how it was in his wife's home. It means a lot to show his mental state and how he is being taken care of. In my case, they are claiming undue influence on my part. They could say that you made him do things he didn't want to do. Just my $.02. Good Luck! And, thanks for being your dad's caregiver. It can be a rough road at times.

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