Mom Sets Up Savings Account for Son, Ex-Husband Now Wants to Be Co-Owner After 8 Years of No Contributions: 'He told me I can only afford it thanks to his child support contributions'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Nov 4, 2024 10:00 PM EST

This mom has been quietly stashing away funds for her son for years, saving every spare penny in a savings account she set up for her 12-year-old son over eight years ago. But recently, her ex-husband and the father of her son caught wind of the account and suddenly wanted in. But not by matching her efforts but by becoming a "co-owner" of the savings she'd been building for nearly a decade. He thinks that since he pays child support, he's partially funding this little future fund. Naturally, the mom wasn't having it, and can you blame her?

Now, of course, he's mad, claiming she's making him "look like a bad dad" just because he didn't think to start saving earlier. Redditors are calling it as they see it: her ex is getting caught up in the optics rather than, you know, actually pitching in. Plus, the son is only 12. It's not like he can't start his own fund for him. Keep reading to see how the rest of this story played out. 

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  • 01
    AITA For "hiding" my child's savings account from my ex and not letting him contribute?
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 02
    My ex and I divorced 8 years ago. We have a 12 year old son together. We don't discuss finances other than child support. I don't care for any money he may or may not give to our child directly.
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 03
    Years ago I opened a savings account for my kid. I religiously transfer a set amount + child benefit into it every single month. I also put some "loose change" in there whenever I can. My kid knows of this account
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 04
    and gets to decide if any monetary gifts from family and friends are to be spent immediately or added to his growing savings. He doesn't keep tabs on the account, but has a rough idea of how much he "gets" every month and how much he's got already.
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 05
    My son must've told my ex about the account, because my ex approached me about it. He asked to see the account- I refused. He asked to at least know the exact amount (he has a rough
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 06
    idea)- I refused, I don't see the point. He asked to contribute and become a "co-owner" (as in- the account is to be "from mum and dad") I asked if he'd like to make a big initial payment- he
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 07
    doesn't, as he doesn't have "that kind of money to just throw into an account nobody can access for years" he just wants to join in now and throw in some cash here and there, but the amount that's already in there is to be overlooked. I refused.
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 08
    He told me that I can only afford that thanks to his child support contributions- I told him that the child support is his duty and is spent on our son's current needs, not for him to hold it over my head.
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 09
    He called me a j for not telling him about the account when I first opened it because now he's "8 years behind" and won't be able to match it and it will look bad when my kid grows up and only gets my support. I told him
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 10
    that it's up to him whether or not he invests in our child's future, he still has a long time to save something if he so wishes. He told me I was a j for purposefully making him look
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 11
    like a "bad dad" for not having thought of something like this. I don't think it's fair of him to ask to jump in and claim to have contributed to the savings I've worked hard on for years, but
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 12
    now I wonder if I actually acted like an AH for creating a situation in which I look like the "better" & "more caring" parent? Should I have told him about it when I first opened the account? Should I just let him contribute to keep
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 13
    the peace? The money is going to end up in my son's account anyway, no matter if he receives payments from 2 savings accounts or just one. EDIT 1: I thought I'd add, since this concern has already been
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 14
    raised a few times in the comments- it's an ISA nobody can withdraw money from until my child's 18th birthday (though I'm not sure he knows that), so I'm not too worried about any potential theft. It's more of a powerplay issue.
    via u/Open_Specific6008
  • 15
    . owls_and_cardinals • 22h ago • Craptain [163] NTA. You've done nothing wrong, in fact I think his reaction to this realization that the account exists is all the proof you need to know it would have been bad for him to be involved from the beginning. If he can contribute to it, he can withdraw from it too, I believe. Minimally it
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 16
    would introduce questions around who really provided that AND it would give him some more say in how it is spent. Keep firm boundaries. He is in NO WAY disadvantaged here. He can start his own savings account for the kid, either large or small. It is absurdly unreasonable for him to expect you to 'share' it with him now.
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 17
    EDIT: It's also a common but faulty critique for people who pay child support to act like everything the recipient can do financially is 'because' of that contribution. Pay no mind.
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 18
    Arc-en-ciel-x2 • 22h ago • NTA. Also some possible red flags in the fact that he doesn't just want to contribute to the savings but wants to be the co- owner and know how much money is in there. It comes to mind for me to make sure this money is protected for your child and cannot be accessed by anyone else.
    via u/Arc-en-ciel-x2
  • 19
    hubertburnette • 22h ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] NTA. Is he banned from banks or something? If it's so important to him to contribute money, then why didn't he open an account years ago?
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 20
    Reasonable-Sale8611 A h le Enthusiast [6] 21h ago • What bothers me is him saying that you were only able to open the account because of his child support contributions. As if he should only contribute to child support to the extent it keeps you and your child out of abject poverty and that anything he contributes is him being generous, rather than his obligation to contribute to the support of his own child.
    via u/Reasonable-Sale8611
  • 21
    Worth-Season3645 Craptain [153] • 22h ago NTA...There is no reason for him to be on that account. If he is adult enough to make a child, he is adult enough to know that he could have made an account for his child at anytime. He can do so now or he can give you money to put in the account for his child.
    via u/Worth-Season3645
  • 22
    Dog-Mom-2-2 • 22h ago • And the reason he can't open one on his own and contribute is???????
    via u/Dog-Mom-2-2
  • 23
    TACO Oh-its-Tuesday Tuesday Part ipant [1] • 21h ago • NTA. Dude wants to steal "cachet" from you by acting like he contributed 1/2 of the account over the years when in reality he plans to put $20 in there once or twice a year for the next 10 years. That's why he wanted to know how much is in there and wants to be a 50% owner of the account. So he can brag about how awesome of a dad he is without actually having to do any work.
    via u/Oh-its-Tuesday
  • 24
    He asked to contribute and become a "co-owner" (as in- the account is to be "from mum and dad")- I asked if he'd like to make a big initial payment- he doesn't,
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

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marriage savings account drama kids wife trust fund ex parenting husband entitled family mom son children
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