Woman Rejects Lazy Ex-Husband When He Comes Crawling Back, Hires Competent Nanny to Help with Kids: 'She does more than you ever did'

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Melodic Geologist2465.1d AITA for asking my stbx husband why I'd take him back when the nanny does more for the family than she does.
  • 02
    My husband and I are separated, getting a divorce. We have a 3 year old and a 8 year old. He owns his own business and told me he'd get home at 5:30-6 every night. I get home at 6-6:30 so I never thought anything about him always getting home before me.
  • 03
    I had our 3 year old in extended care at daycare and 8 year old in her school's after school program because I believed he was working. Halfway through the school year last year I hired a nanny instead of the extended care programs after our oldest had problems with her program. I got a call from the nanny about 2 weeks in, saying my stbx husband locked them out and was telling her to take them to the park but the kids were hungry and she didn't have car seats (his house is walking distance from
  • 04
    wanted some space from the kids and didn't want a random 18 year old in the house. I had to leave work early to let the kids in. While I was talking to the nanny, she told me he was always home when she got home with the kids and that he was always difficult (demanding that she and the kids stay in one of the kids rooms, ignoring the kids if they tried to talk to him, getting mad at her for leaving the room for a snack). That was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I filed for divorce b
  • 05
    I ended up letting go of that nanny and now we have Amina, 24. Amina is a middle eastern refugee with 3 kids of her own, 2, 4 and 7. Hiring Amina is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I get to come home every day to a clean house, homework done, and some of the best Arabic food I've ever had. I have no idea how she manages to do everything but having her around means I get to enjoy my time with my kids, instead of trying to make dinner, clean up, and get my 8 year old to do her homework.
  • 06
    shopping for the kids and school supply shopping. My STBX never did any of that. I once left him with the kids for a week while I went on a work trip. They lived on McDonald's and pizza, which wreaked havoc on my 8 year old's stomach. The house was in the worst shape I'd ever seen it. Our 2 year old (at the time) ran out of clean clothes and he bought her new clothes instead of washing her dirty clothes.
  • 07
    My stbx has been asking about getting back together. He says us being together is better for the kids. I told him he's never thought about what's good for the kids. Even when he takes them for the weekend, all they do is go to grandmas house. I asked why I should go back to him when Amina does more for us than he ever did. He argued that he works to provide for us but thought it was different from me also working (apparently close to double the hours he worked and for similar money). Now his fam
  • 08
    Fibro-Mite ⚫ 1d You do not have to give a reason to anyone for not wanting to reconcile. If they insist, then "I found that I am happier, the kids are more stable, and our lives run more smoothly as things are right now." That's it. No-one is owed an explanation for your decision, not even the stbx. ... Reply 3.1k
  • 09
    Catfish1960 · 1d Ex just wants to get back together because I bet he hates paying child support and not being taken care of by OP. Screw him. 1.4k
  • 10
    snickerssmores • 1d I found that to be true whenever my ex went on business trips. Then, once I divorced, the kids blossomed and I became healthier mentally. ... 294
  • 11
    Beth21286 • 1d . He hasn't even lied about there being a good reason. Can't even be bothered to come up with a fake reason he has any value. THAT is lazy. ... 148
  • 12
    Gloomy-Razzmatazz548 1d I know I'm a complete stranger, but I just wanted to say I am so ☐ proud of you. I tell women almost every day, staying with a man who neglects you, neglects your kids, and neglects your home is not worth it. Staying in a toxic relationship sets a terrible example for your children, and teaches your sons to grow up to be lazy and neglectful as well.
  • 13
    Mine and my daughter's lives were so much happier and easier once I left my ex and hired a nanny. You've made the right choice in standing up for yourself and your kids. Reply 1.7k
  • 14
    Odd-fox-God • 13h This dude is like: I bring home money why are you upset at me for not doing anything else for the family? Yeah, well, the thing is, she's also bringing home money. This means he needs to step up and bring more to the table than just cash money. Men can no longer rely on their ability to provide financial support to their spouse to keep them happy long- term. As the spouse can now just go and get a job.
  • 15
    The only thing men had to bring to the table in the 60s was their ability to financially provide their family. Their ability to do work and maintenance around the house, mowing the lawn is considered something men do. Does your husband mow the lawn or maintain the external appearance of the house at all?
  • 16
    If he isn't then he is providing less support than a husband in the 60s. And we all know those guys were emotionally distant because a lot of them were WW2 vets. They were distant fathers but they provided physically for their families even if they couldn't emotionally provide for them.
  • 17
    Unfortunately that style of parenting does not fly today. Women expect their husbands to emotionally bond with their children. In fact we heavily value emotional vulnerability in our men and we prefer it when they show emotions and connect with our children. Being a distant father and only providing cash and maintenance will no longer work. We expect them to take care of our children and be as emotionally invested in them as we are.
  • 18
    This is probably the first time in history where men have to actually attract women based off of their personalities and not their financial wealth and ability to provide. . . . 27
  • 19
    beek_r. 1d NTA Your kids already have two parents. It's not like one of them disappears just because you divorce. Actually, your kids didn't have a decent father while you were married - this way at least you're only parenting two children. Reply 1k
  • 20
    hip hop_sweetheart. 1d NTA - They have 2 parents still. Y'all don't need to be together for that. ② ... Reply 171 ⇓
  • 21
    jadeariel12 1d • A divorce doesn't stop the kids from having two parents. He doesn't want to parent so either way, the kids have the same parenting Reply 53

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