Slovenly 25-year-old moves in with sister, eats her husband's meal prep and blasts music, wife wants to let him stay: 'You have a bigger problem'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 5, 2024 3:00 PM EST

It's always tough to live with a family member. You most likely did it when you were young and then moved out for a reason. It's so much easier to maintain a healthy relationship when you don't also have to share a bathroom or a kitchen with them. But anyone living in close quarters knows how much your roommates can get under your skin, even when they're not doing anything wrong. You get to witness close-ups of their little habits, quirks, and shortcomings, and they can grind your gears no matter how respectful they are. So of course, when they go so far as to have disrespectful tendencies, it's even worse. 

A bad roommate completely ruin your life if you let it. Doubly so if it's your family. That's why one woman's husband was so upset when she allowed her younger brother to move in with them while he saved up money. Read on for the details. 

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    via Greta Schölderle Möller
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    AITA for refusing to let my fiancée's brother move in with us? So, I (34M) have been with my fiancée, Sarah (29F), for three years, and we're planning to get married in the spring. We live in a two-bedroom apartment, both work stable jobs, and our life is pretty calm-until recently.
    via u/HeightNo783
  • 03
    Sarah's younger brother, Jake (25M), hit a rough patch. He's had trouble holding down jobs, choosing to focus on his painting rather than work a steady gig. He's been living with friends and occasionally with their parents, but they recently downsized and can't take him in.
    via u/HeightNo783
  • 04
    Two weeks ago, Sarah asked if Jake could crash with us for "just a month or two" until he saved enough for his own place. I was hesitant because Jake and I don't exactly get along. He's messy, can be entitled, and just assumes others will help him out. I asked Sarah if she was sure he'd only stay temporarily, but she insisted he'd be gone in two months. To compromise, I agreed he could stay one month, under the conditions that he helps out with rent and chores. Sarah agreed.
    via u/HeightNo783
  • 05
    Well, Jake moved in last weekend, and it's been a disaster. He sleeps until noon, leaves his art supplies all over, and even blasts music while he paints. I tried talking to him, but he brushed me off, saying I'm "too uptight." When I brought it up with Sarah, she told me to be patient because he's "adjusting."
    via u/HeightNo783
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    Then last night, I found Jake eating the food I'd prepped for my work lunches. I lost my cool and told him he needed to start respecting our space or find somewhere else to stay. He accused me of being selfish and said that Sarah would help me if I were struggling. This led to a huge fight with Sarah, where she accused me of being heartless and making things difficult for her brother.
    via u/HeightNo783
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    Now, I'm torn. I feel like I'm just setting reasonable boundaries, but Sarah insists I'm overreacting and not being supportive. So, AITA for wanting Jake to follow our agreement and keep some boundaries? Or should I just let it go for the sake of peace?
    via u/HeightNo783
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    Somet... • 8h ago Edited 8h ago • NTA I doubt you are going to last the month with your relationship undamaged. It was a massive mistake letting him move in and I feel you are really optimistic in thinking he will actually move out at the end of the month. Does sleeping all day look like frantic job searching to you? Even if he landed an
    via u/Something-bothersome
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    interview tomorrow, it will take about a week to get the offer and start a new job. His first pay will probably not include the full pay cycle, then he needs to find a place/save a deposit and move. You are dreaming on it being a month. Jake has a history of living with others. If he doesn't have a stable income or lifestyle, historically they probably filled in the gaps for him. His parents probably downsized for a reason, and one of those reasons could have been to remove themselves from the l
    via u/Something-bothersome
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    It is highly unlikely that Jake is philosophically attached to the idea of working standard workweek hours that is required for non-negotiable consistent expenses like rent, bills, food and other miscellaneous items needed to live independently. I believe you are in hot water.
    via u/Something-bothersome
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    Environmental_Art591 8h ago • NTA but you have a bigger problem than your FBIL. I hate to say it but it sounds like Sarah is always going to back her brother over you and I am pretty sure that she only accepted compromise to get her brother in the house
    via u/Environmental_Art591
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    Presti... 8h ago • • Edited 6h ago · NTA but your future wife is. I'm - all for supporting family but if they are pests and uncooperative, they need to move out. Think carefully about marrying your gf - you had a front row preview what your life will be like when her family is concerned. Imagine what would this look like if you had kids.
    via u/Prestigious-Tea-8312
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    . Tiny_Incident_2876 8h ago • Maybe you should leave Sarah and brother the apt .Let the landlord know you want off the lease, move out somewhere much small, and live the best life you can because you will be losing this battle
    via u/Tiny_Incident_2876
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    Pure-P... 8h ago • . 8h ago Edited 7h ago • NTA. Sarah is showing you who her priority is. Kick them both out and they can live together. I'd say Sarah and Jake's parents downsized deliberately because they were sick of accommodating their deadbeat son.
    via u/Pure-Philosopher-175
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    capricorn40 • 7h ago. NTA. You have a "Sarah" problem. You need to go hard on this. Give Jake until the end of the month to go. Meanwhile, you should be making plan to go yourself, if he stays. Dude, you are 34 and working hard to live a peaceful life. You should NEVER feel like an outsider in your own home.
    via u/capricorn40
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    Anxious-Routine-5526 · 8h ago • Well, you didn't actually refuse to let him move in now, did you? NTA for saying no btw. Take this as the blessing in disguise it is and act accordingly. Your fiancée has made it clear where her priorities and allegiance lay, and it's not with you.
    via u/Anxious-Routine-5526
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    JamesFellen 7h ago • • NTA And time for drastic measurements. If you actually let the guy stay 30 days, he starts getting tenant-like rights and you're J. I assume you and your fiancé own the apartment together? Kick him out now. Immediately. If your fiancé ends things over this, you're better off without her. Otherwise you should probably still set the marriage back, until you see eye to eye in your relationship.
    via u/JamesFellen
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    diminishingpatience • 8h ago NTA. He's selfish and entitled. He will continue to act like this for as long as people allow him to. His sister isn't helping him and she's ruining her relationship with you.
    via u/diminishingpatience
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    NinjaHidingintheOpen • 8h ago NTA. At 25 he's not a child. Enabling him by not setting. boundaries is why he's still acting like one.
    via u/NinjaHidingintheOpen

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