'They claimed that they’re entitled to live in it as long as they need': Parents gift son downpayment for house then demand to move in with him, son refuses

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Isabella Penn
Nov 7, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Buying a house these days isn't just a typical milestone, it's a miracle. With skyrocketing prices and endless competition, finally getting your own place feels like winning a marathon. For one hardworking guy, that dream became reality after years of saving, plus a helpful (but supposedly unconditional) down payment gift from his parents. Finally, he had his own space, and the excitement of a place to call his own was unmatched.

Fast forward several months later, his parents were faced with unexpected financial struggles and expected that they could just move in. Since, after all, it was "about time he paid them back" for their so-called gift. Imagine the frustration of having to share your first real home with your parents after finally reaching that hard-earned independence. And while he's ready to lend a hand, moving them in indefinitely wasn't exactly part of the deal. See how he stood his ground. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 11 hr. ago ytys45 • AITA for Refusing to Let My Parents Live With Me After They "Loaned" Me Money to Buy My House?
    via u/ytys45
  • 02
    About a year ago, I (29M) bought my first home. My parents generously offered me $20,000 toward the down payment, which they framed as a gift. I was extremely grateful, as they knew I'd been saving for years and wanted a place to call my own.
    via u/ytys45
  • 03
    I'd even invited them to celebrate with me the day I got the keys, and everything seemed fine. Fast forward to three months ago: my dad lost his job unexpectedly, and my mom's part-time work isn't enough to
    via u/ytys45
  • 04
    support them. They called me up one day and casually mentioned that they'd be "moving in with me until they get back on their feet." I was stunned, as they'd never asked-they'd just assumed. When I hesitated, they reminded me of the $20,000
    via u/ytys45
  • 05
    they'd given me for the house and said it was time I "paid them back by helping them out." This was news to me. They'd repeatedly assured me it was a gift, no strings attached, and that they were just happy to help me
    via u/ytys45
  • 06
    achieve my dream of homeownership. Now they were calling it a "loan," even though there was never any mention of repayment, let alone interest, or expectations of them moving in someday.
    via u/ytys45
  • 07
    I was hesitant but willing to talk about it, and I suggested they stay temporarily. They dismissed this and said they'd be moving in indefinitely "until things turn around,” adding that they'd expect full access to the house
    via u/ytys45
  • 08
    and even suggested taking over my office as their bedroom. They also told me they'd like to have more say in how I run my home -after all, "they helped pay for it." Feeling cornered, I explained that
    via u/ytys45
  • 09
    while I love them and would gladly help in other ways (like paying some of their bills temporarily or letting them stay for a set period), I wasn't comfortable with them moving in indefinitely. This is my home, my sanctuary, and I've worked hard for it.
    via u/ytys45
  • 10
    They were furious, saying I was "ungrateful" and that family. should support each other. They also claimed that since they "invested" in the house, they're entitled to live in it as long as they need. My dad even hinted that he'd take me to court if I
    via u/ytys45
  • 11
    didn't "pay back" their "loan," though I'm fairly certain he was bluffing. Now, several family members have weighed in, saying I'm the ah_le for turning my back on my parents after they helped me
    via u/ytys45
  • 12
    buy my house. But I feel like they changed the terms after the fact, and I don't think it's fair to demand indefinite housing when that was never part of the deal. So, AITA for refusing to let my parents move in after they "loaned" me the down payment?
    via u/ytys45
  • 13
    • Gohighsweetcherry 1d ago. Don't let them move in. DON'T LET THEM MOVE IN. You will regret it. They will never leave. Think about it. Always there. Changing your home until it's there's, until you get so fed up. you'll want to pack and leave.
    via u/Gohighsweetcherry
  • 14
    They gave you the money as a gift and now they mismanaged their finances are reframing it i.e lying that they 'invested' in your home. Bulls . Don't let them move in. NTA
    via u/Gohighsweetcherry
  • 15
    . Odd_Connection_7167 1d ago • NTA from It sounds like there is something pretty significant that's missing. here. How did your father go being able to give you $20k a year ago to being on the verge of homelessness three months ago? I get the feeling that there is more to it than just losing his job.
    via u/Odd_Connection_7167
  • 16
    Regardless, if you let them come through your door, they will never leave. I don't know what's going on in terms of the dynamic between you and them, but they sound like they are very manipulative and entirely dishonest.
    via u/Odd_Connection_7167
  • 17
    • SeaworthinessBig8083 1d ago • If I was in your shoes, I would take out a loan for what they gave you and hand the money to them. Tell them you are done, and walk away
    via u/SeaworthinessBig8083
  • 18
    EmbarrassedEchidna64 1d ago • • Unless they have documentation of a loan, they have no standing. Actually I gave my son money for his first home and the mortgage company required that I sign documents saying that it was a gift. You may want to check if mortgage company required this.
    via u/EmbarrassedEchidna64
  • 19
    In the meantime, help them financially but don't let them move in. They don't seem to remember what agreed to
    via u/EmbarrassedEchidna64
  • 20
    78october • 1d ago • NTA. Were your parents required to sign a "gift letter" when they gave you the money? If so, remind them that you have proof that the money was a gift and their court case would fail.
    via u/78october
  • 21
    • • Helpful-Science-3937 1d ago Edited 1d ago • . If they have a key, I would change the locks immediately. I would also consider taking out a second mortgage and hand them back the $20k. If that is not possible, start making payments to them even if you have to get a second job in the short term. It sounds like they want to take over your home. You are an adult and deserve your privacy and sanctuary. If you let them move in, even for a short time, you will regret it and you won't be able to get
    via u/Helpful-Science-3937
  • 22
    rid of them. NTA If you want to keep your sanity and independence, don't let them move in! It will also give your father and mother more incentive to get their financial life together.
    via u/Helpful-Science-3937
  • 23
    celticmusebooks •1d ago. So, just to clarify-- your parents gave you all of their savings, $20K toward their house and only three month later they suddenly need to move in "indefinitely"? Something is definitely off here. Why can't your father get another job? Honestly, I feel like they planned this "investment" from the very start and once they move in they will not move back out.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 24
    【田田 ים
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aita drama kids house homeowner buying a house parenting loan gen x boomers family Reddit roommates parents children
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