Dating Fails

9 Lies to Get You Out of Your Crappy Valentine's Date

  • 1

    My car broke down.

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    This is a classic lie, and it's a tricky one. The accident needs to be bad, but not too bad. Pro tip: make sure to mention the police have to talk to you for a while.
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  • 2

    I accidentally got really drunk.

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    Leave a message on their phone and make sure you sound really drunk. It helps if you're actually pretty drunk.
  • 3

    The restaurant you picked only has Pepsi!

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    Anyone this crazy brand loyal is guaranteed to not get another date. This little white lie is best if this prospective date hasn't known you for a while.
  • 4

    I had a bikini wax and I'm still pretty sore.

    This seems pretty self explanatory. Plus it hints that there's no chance of any sexy times, this will add a secondary deterrent.
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  • 5

    I just remembered something awkward I did in middle school.

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    Woe is the person who goes through old photos before a date. Really play up the emo regret for this phone call. Have some Smiths playing in the background for added effect.
  • 6

    I just won a free trip to Disney World

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    Make sure the text for this has a bunch of exclamation points. That should really help showcase your excitement.
  • 7

    I sharted.

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    Just text your prospective date those two words. That should take care of everything.
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  • 8

    Neftlix uploaded new TV shows.

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    You can't stop a netflix binge, and that next episode of MASH isn't going to watch itself.
  • 9

    I forgot I was under house arrest.

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    Those little ankle bracelets can feel really natural after a while. Only caveat here is that your prospective date can't know where you live.


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