My car broke down.
This is a classic lie, and it's a tricky one. The accident needs to be bad, but not too bad. Pro tip: make sure to mention the police have to talk to you for a while.
I accidentally got really drunk.
Leave a message on their phone and make sure you sound really drunk. It helps if you're actually pretty drunk.
The restaurant you picked only has Pepsi!
Anyone this crazy brand loyal is guaranteed to not get another date. This little white lie is best if this prospective date hasn't known you for a while.
I had a bikini wax and I'm still pretty sore.
This seems pretty self explanatory. Plus it hints that there's no chance of any sexy times, this will add a secondary deterrent.
I just remembered something awkward I did in middle school.
Woe is the person who goes through old photos before a date. Really play up the emo regret for this phone call. Have some Smiths playing in the background for added effect.
I just won a free trip to Disney World
Make sure the text for this has a bunch of exclamation points. That should really help showcase your excitement.
Just text your prospective date those two words. That should take care of everything.
Neftlix uploaded new TV shows.
You can't stop a netflix binge, and that next episode of MASH isn't going to watch itself.
I forgot I was under house arrest.
Those little ankle bracelets can feel really natural after a while. Only caveat here is that your prospective date can't know where you live.