Man Refuses to Cancel Vacation When Child is Admitted to Hospital, Despite Wife Urging Him to Come Home, She Reconsiders Marriage

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Nov 14, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. We're all familiar with 'therapy speak,' and it's incorrect, or uneducated labels to people who may not be officially diagnosed. Someone may have narcissistic qualities, but it doesn't mean they're a narcissist. Someone may be overly avoidant about confrontation, but it doesn't always mean they're gaslighting you. So how do we know when we're really being treated unfairly? It's all in instinct and gut. 

In this Reddit thread, it centers around a married couple and their baby. The husband is away on a two week vacation in another state, while the wife is at home with the baby. During this trip, the baby is admitted to the hospital for breathing issues. While the mom tries to urge her husband to come home to help her, he refuses. The thing that gets me in this story is the woman's update about his gaslighting. He doubles down on his decision, insults her, makes himself the victim, and tells her he's done with her. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 18 hr. ago Neither_Promise_4072 AITAH for being mad at my husband for not coming home from his vacation because our toddler is in the hospital
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 02
    Our 18 MO went into respiratory distress on Saturday; took her to ER, turns out it's rhinovirus.
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 03
    Her dad is on a hunting trip in North Dakota. He planned on having this two week vacation, he has already been there for a week when our daughter got sick.
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 04
    He didn't come straight home to Virginia. He waited for updates and he has no plans to leave his vacation early.
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 05
    I didn't realize in the moment how serious things were and that she could have did, so I didn't relay that to him while she was being admitted. We're still here, might be here another night. She's in stable condition now and she's being weaned off oxygen.
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 06
    AITAH for being mad that he's not here even though she's fine now and she didn't di.?
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 07
    edit: after talking to him he doubled down and started name calling. I hung up on him because the last thing I need is to be berated and insulted while I'm trying to handle nighttime routines and hospital shift changes. He said i shouldn't hang up on him because he deserves respect. Said I'm being a child. I'm
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 08
    "making it worse for [myself]." Claims he's done with me. Honestly, a relief because I'm not in love after this. He said the most asinine thing: he knew he didn't need to come because he has a friend whose son was in the hospital for "the same thing." Therefore, he knew exactly what the treatment was, and that
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 09
    because the other kids didn't di, she would be fine, too.
    via u/Neither_Promise_4072
  • 10
    OWattLightbulb • 16h ago • my parents came home in the middle of a trip because I was hospitalized.... And I'm in my 30's.
    via u/OWattLightbulb
  • 11
    Lost-alone- 15h ago • NTAH. My 23 year old son had a seizure, with no history or warning and my husband (his STEPDAD) got up in the middle of the night on a military weekend and drove to the hospital, no questions asked. The fact that your
    via u/Lost-alone-
  • 12
    husband decided his fun was more important than your child is insane.
    via u/Lost-alone-
  • 13
    nololthx 14h ago • Pediatric RN here. You're not TA and I'm kind of hesitant to call your husband TA either because, like you said, you didn't know how serious it was either, and a lot of people don't understand this, likely including your husband. I cannot tell you
    via u/nololthx
  • 14
    how many people try barter with us, like, "well do we really have to stay another night, kid seems fine, we can just see the primary tomorrow".
    via u/nololthx
  • 15
    However, having a child admitted 1. Means that it was serious enough to warrant longer monitoring. 2. Is incredibly stressful and scary. 80 percent of parents and children develop traumatic stress reactions following an admission. you can't sleep because of the
    via u/nololthx
  • 16
    monitors, unfamiliar people come in and out of the room, you're stuck in this small room just... waiting, and, god help you if it's the weekend, because there are fewer docs so communication suffers.
    via u/nololthx
  • 17
    I think it's important to be solution focused in these situations. Tell him how tired and scared you are and that you need him to come home. Until then, he may be entirely oblivious to the seriousness of the situation and its impact on you.
    via u/nololthx
  • 18
    It's also important to acknowledge that your husband may also be freaked out and coping by avoiding and reassuring himself that you've got this. You'll never know until you bring it up. Should he have, rationally, known better? Sure. But a lot of people just
    via u/nololthx
  • 19
    re enact their own parenting, without thinking about it. Your feelings are valid, so make them known.
    via u/nololthx
  • 20
    No-Gene-4508 • 15h ago • Hospital doesn't always equal life or death. But a child (especially under 10) being KEPT overnight or more AND on oxygen... yeah he should have dropped everything unless he absolutely couldn't (ex: weather).
    via u/No-Gene-4508
  • 21
    I'd be reevaluating this marriage.
    via u/No-Gene-4508
  • 22
    • firstking92 18h ago • NTAH, a parent should drop everything the instant they hear their child is sick, let alone in the hospital.
    via u/firstking92
  • 23
    MotherOfFiveM... • 15h ago NTAH. When my eldest was 18 months old, she got extremely sick and had to be hospitalized. My husband was 36 hours of flight travel away for work when this happened. One of my husband's co-workers
    via u/MotherOfFiveM
  • 24
    offered to end his vacation early so he could take my husband's place and my husband could come home to us. Two hours later my husband was on his way home. A CO-WORKER VOLUNTEERED WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT AND YOUR HUSBAND WON'T
    via u/MotherOfFiveM
  • 25
    END HIS VACATION FOR HIS OWN CHILD.
    via u/MotherOfFiveM
  • 26
    Lost Marbles207 • 17h ago NTA. Your 18 month old is admitted. You go home. Simple as that. Doesn't matter you didn't realize how serious it was and tell him that. You were just doing your best in the moment.
    via u/Lost Marbles207

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