'I told her she is the reason I am an absent grandparent': Grandparent of 4 and 7-year-old kids tries to visit with little success, daughter is shocked when her parent decides to move away

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Nov 14, 2024 5:00 PM EST

This grandparent is tired of spending time with their grandkids, but they may have a good reason for why that would be. 

As much as there's a prevailing stereotype of grandparents being thrilled to spend time with their grandkids, it's just not true for every family. In the beginning, when the kids are little, many grandparents dote on them and want to spend endless amounts of time with them. Some grandparents lavish the kiddos with gifts, while others love taking them to playgrounds or fun community events. Parents tend to love this, too. They can catch a break from the kids knowing that they're safe with their grandparents. 

This grandparent isn't feeling the love with their own family lately, as they shared to r/AmItheA******. It's one of those stories that no one on the internet can seem to agree upon. Some commenters think that the original poster is hiding something, since they briefly mention an accident that led to them being banned from driving the kids around. Others felt for this grandparent, and told them they weren't in the wrong for wanting to move away from family members who were acting just lukewarm about seeing them. Check the full story out below and decide for yourself! 

Up next, read about these newlyweds who were dismayed to receive just $3,000 from their wedding guests, because they spent a stunning $60,000 on their wedding, and were hoping to make that money back! 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10428647936
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for moving across the country and telling my daughter that they are the reason I am an "absent grandparent"
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 03
    So I have two grandkids that are 4 and 7. I live about 45 minutes away from them. At the beginning I was still working so it was hard to make time to visit them. I would go up to visit them and it sadly was not fun. I am not baby crazy and do not want to spend my whole day watching a kid sleep. So I would stay for 2 to 3 hours beofre going home. My daughter hated that I wouldn't spend more time and I told her when they are older we will bond more.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 04
    I got in a car accident, it wasn't bad and it was my fault. The sun got in my eyes and I bumbed into someone's car. In total it was like 300 dollars of damage since their car had dents in the back. It was very minor accident.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 05
    After that my daughter forbad me from driving anywhere with her kids, so now when I go up, I can't do anything with the kiddos. There is only so much I can do in the house and I would have loved to take them out to places. I have asked her to drive down since I live in a walkable area but no. It is too difficult to get them loaded up and down here.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 06
    I still tried but the more she didn't want to visit me the more I got tired of this. Not to mention she was always on me about not being more involved. I have told her so many time that you don't let me do much with them. My breaking point was last summer. I was babysitting them in the summer and I brought up a kids sprinkler. You connect it to the
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 07
    hose and the kids run through it on the splash pad. The kids had a great time but my daughter was p ed since it ruined the grass. The water made mud and kids running messed up the grass. After that I just stopped trying, I told her to take he kids to me and she refused. I am retiring and selling my home.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 08
    I wish to move near the blue mountains which is across the country. I told all te kids and everyone wa a happy for me but my daughter. We got a huge fight about me being a sh grandparent. I told her she is the reason I am absent grandparent. She calle me a j
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 09
    AITA for moving across the country and telling my daughter she is the reason I am an absent grandparent. I may be a j for being harsh and not taking her feelings into account
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 10
    CrabbiestAsp NTA. It's not that hard to get two kids in a car for 45mins. She just doesn't want to. I actually live at the base of the blue mountains and my inlaws live near the airport. We go visit them with our 7yo roughly once a fortnight
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 11
    Sometimes they come to us, but we like going out there and looking at the beach. We've done this since little one was a baby. It's not hard. They have the best adventures, can jump on the light rail, ferry, whatever and go to different places. Good luck with your move :)
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 12
    Final-Bug-7092 Moving away, you are NTA. That being said, it will probably further strain what sounds like an already strained relationship. Sharing what I witnessed, as the Aunt, in a similar situation. My sister set up boundaries, some arbitrary some not, and my mom struggled with them in regards to the grandkids.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 13
    Mom's idea of a grandma was spoil them, no responsibility, then give them back. My sister's was you are the adult watching them and rules need to be enforced. Fast forward a few years, and they are no contact.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 14
    Ultimately, my mom wanted. a TV grandma relationship and couldn't respect my sister's boundaries. Despite being retired with lots of free time, my sister with the full-time job and 4 kids had to come to them.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 15
    On the flip side, my sister would put some unreasonable demands and restrictions. Basically, looking for reasons to exclude things. I think this is due to seeing her kids getting the attention she wished she had gotten from my mother and trying to sabotage things.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 16
    The grandkids are the ones that suffered in the end. Going no contact has helped them both thrive and become better people. I'm not saying this mirrors your situation in any way. Just shared to provide a different perspective.
    via u/Informal-Shower-5118
  • 17
    camebacklate I'm going to go against the grain and say ESH. You can do a lot of things with your grandkids that don't involve sprinklers or being in a walkable city. My parents come down quite often and will walk my son to the park. They'll watch a movie with him. They'll pull out building blocks and will spend hours just being with
    via u/camebacklate
  • 18
    him. They brought down a pumpkin and spent a day carving pumpkins and then spent the last 15 minutes cleaning up the mess. My parents go down and watch my nephews play soccer or baseball almost every other week. It's about being there for them. They always communicate their plans with us before doing anything, so we are prepared and can ask for a
    via u/camebacklate
  • 19
    different idea. It's really not easy to load a kid up and drive them. It feels like you both need to work on your communication skills. She is allowed to be upset by the sprinkler ruining her grass. and making her backyard a mud pit. I would go up to visit them and it sadly was not fun. I am not baby
    via u/camebacklate
  • 20
    crazy and do not want to spend my whole day watching a kid sleep. I hate to break it to you, but babies really aren't fun. They sleep a lot. It's not about doing fun things with them at that age. It's about being there. And helping your daughter who has a baby and was probably struggling. No, mom wants
    via u/camebacklate
  • 21
    to hear their child is not fun after opening up their home. It would make me not want my mom to come around. My dad isn't baby crazy either, but he has never verbalized it.
    via u/camebacklate
  • 22
    tonyrock1983 Maybe I'm thinking too much into this, but I have a feeling that there's some missing information. I have a hard time believing that one minor accident is all it took for your daughter to prevent you from driving your grandkids. What is your household like? Is it clean and safe for young children?
    via u/tonyrock1983
  • 23
    A 45-minute drive isn't terrible, especially with young kids. Overall, I'm going to say YTA. You made plenty of excuses as to why you didn't visit much when your grandkids were babies. Did you ever think maybe your daughter wanted to visit with you? Now you're
    via u/tonyrock1983
  • 24
    moving away. Your relationship seems like it's been strained for awhile, no it will be non existent.
    via u/tonyrock1983
  • 25
    Ituzem I would just love to hear he point of view.
    via u/Ituzem

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family drama aita mother grandchildren family grandparents
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