'You made a choice to be a housewife': Entitled husband refuses to eat leftovers of stay-at-home wife's cooking, snaps when wife cuts back on making fresh meals

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 19, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Some people have weird things about leftovers. And listen, I get it. Sometimes the thought of re-heating and eating that mediocre chicken breast and green beans from yesterday gives me the heebie-jebbies. When things have been hanging out in the fridge too long, you can never be quite sure what they're going to taste like, and it can be gross. But eating leftovers is usually the reality for most adults, since the vast majority of us don't have time to make a meal from scratch every night, and don't have the funds for restaurant food on the reg. So the key is making meals that keep well in the fridge: your soups, stews, and curries, not your salads and sandwiches. 

It's a delicate balance, though, especially when you're cooking for more than just yourself. Compromise is essential, and you have to account for your partner's needs. This couple ran into an interesting situation regarding leftovers, and commenters were split on what they should do. Read on and decide what you think. 

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  • 01
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    via Unsplash+ (Olivie Strauss)
  • 02
    AITA for not cooking from scratch for my husband anymore? ive (24F) been married to my husband (M24) for around 5 years at this point. when we first moved in with each other, we split finances but it was always my responsibility to make sure dinner was on the table. cooking and baking were my passions so i was very happy to take this on as my responsibility.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 03
    as of 4-ish years ago, finances have been entirely his responsibility. he works 2 jobs from home for about 8 hours a day total for 5 days a week. 40 hours total. we are not struggling financially.i have felt like over the years he has been less and less appreciative of my cooking.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 04
    previously, i would make a home- cooked meal with fresh ingredients every single night, save for the 2 or 3 nights a month where we go out to a restaurant. i take care of all of the grocery shopping as well.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 05
    in regards to other household chores, they are sort of split. he is responsible for emptying the dishwasher and putting dishes away, but everything else is mostly my responsibility
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 06
    back on topic, ive noticed he is very wasteful of food, especially regarding leftovers. i expressed to him that it made me feel upset that he would refuse to touch any food that wasnt cooked by me that night and served to him. he told me that he had squicks regarding leftover food due to his upbringing in a hoarder house where spoiled food was often kept in the fridge. i told him that i understood and i also asked if me freezing any leftover food after i had served dinner would help regarding fe
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 07
    one month after we made that compromise, he has still failed to reheat and eat one single meal ive frozen for him. he will refuse to eat dinner entirely unless i prepare his dinner for him and serve it to him. he keeps falling back on the excuse that it is due to his food safety fears but he has also told me its because he feels like he should never have to prepare his own dinner because he is the one who works.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 08
    i feel like if he is someone who gets to work from home, and choose to have a day off anytime he likes, while also getting weekends off, i should also have nights where i am free from some of my obligations. i got fed up with this and explained to him that i would no longer be cooking fresh meals for him from now on. i said i would still take care of groceries but i would likely only cook something with fresh ingredients once a week or so and the rest would be pre-prepared, considering i feel li
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 09
    he got really angry and insisted that i continue cooking fresh meals for him but i said that if he wasnt going to respect my time and effort, he wasnt going to get my time and effort presented to him. im really sick of trying again and again to compromise, while not getting any of my asks respected. AITA?
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 10
    KaliTheBlaze • 5h ago • INFO: Is there a reason why you haven't adjusted your cooking to make mostly 2 serving meals? I'll grant you that some things are hard or even impossible to make just 2 servings of, but most things can be cooked in smaller portions. If your husband won't eat leftovers, why haven't you adapted to that? I say this as someone who is picky about
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 11
    leftovers, so my husband and I only make bigger batches of things if I do like them leftover or they're things he enjoys enough that he'll want to eat them for lunch until they're gone. I know that cooking mostly 2 portion meals can take some practice and a bit of math to reduce the portions, but it's really not that hard.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 12
    Equivalent-Board206 • 4h ago • I think the main issue is the time and effort required. Not money and not wasted food. Cooking pasta for 2 is not much of a time or effort saver when compared with cooking for 4. However, if her husband would eat leftovers, cooking every second day would save a lot of time and effort.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 13
    kanyecwest OP.5h ago • that makes sense. i guess i just prioritized cost-effectiveness and making meals stretch over making sure they would get eaten at all. after reading a lot of these comments i suppose i just need to restructure how i think about mealtimes entirely instead of being rigid to how i think they should work
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 14
    BrokenInsideForever 5h ago. I'm sorry I'm unclear, are you currently employed and contributing financially? The reason I am asking is to get a better idea of each parties contribution to the relationship. If you're a stay home wife (I did not see kids mentioned) I can understand him thinking that cooking fresh meals is your prime contribution to the relationship if he's providing the money and you split other tasks
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 15
    kanyecwest OP · 5h ago • sorry, had to trim a lot of details to keep the post within the character limit i was previously the breadwinner for the household around 2019 and housekeeping/cooking was still my responsibility at that time (for what its worth) 2021-now my husband is the breadwinner and i do not work
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 16
    we have no kids and my husband has no household chores except unloading the dishwasher/putting dishes away since my height makes those tasks difficult. i take care of all the other chores and taking care of our two pets (cats if it matters) cooking fresh meals is not my only contribution but it was my chore that i took the most pride in
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 17
    Own_Budget3619 • 3h ago • Squicks about foods from his upbringing is a trauma that he needs treatment; is one of those things that people dont talk about unfortunately
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 18
    edebby 5h ago ESH. you made a choice to be a housewife, which means you do the house chores and the cooking. to anyone thinks that's easier than working, well, it's not unless you slack at your job.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 19
    I think that a good compromise (and that's something your husband should have initiated) is deciding what is considered a freshly made meal. I mean does a Taco night counts as a fresh meal since it contains fresh meat and freshly cut vegetables? What about spaghetti and meat b lls? I'm just saying that a lot of fresh meals doesn't take too much time to prep and execute.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 20
    I'm in charge of all the cooking in my house (although I have a fulltime job too), and I manage to do this simply by choosing easier meals when I'm tired or working late, while choosing med-hard recipes for when I have the time and energy.
    via u/kanyecwest
  • 21
    augustredclay • 5h ago • NTA. There's a lot of sh that goes into keeping a home liveable. Just because you aren't getting paid to do it doesn't mean it isn't work. Let him realize exactly how much time, effort, and attention go into these meals for a few weeks. He won't di .
    via u/augustredclay
  • 22
    altacctually · 3h ago. YTA You don't work and you split chores other than cooking. He earns all the money and helps out in the house and you do what for the hours you're not vacuuming etc round the house whilst he is working, at work, all day? And you're willingly throwing food out cos he's got some weird thing about leftovers...
    via u/altacctually
  • 23
    I think honestly the dudes got every right to want home cooked food tbh. Make less food. Make it clear you want some nights off from cooking but don't diminish his trauma around his childhood and food. Half and half chores, no work and a bit of cooking is a very relaxed, lucky position to be in.
    via u/altacctually
  • 24
    . CowboysCutiePie2 • 4h ago NTA. You've been accommodating, he's being entitled.
    via u/CowboysCutiePie2
  • 25
    • Equivalent-Board206 4h ago • Declaring that you will go from cooking dinner 7 days a week to only cooking once per week and pre-preparing media was bound to get him angry. You are trying to provoke a reaction. So you should expect one. Especially given part of your financial agreement is that you will cover much of the housework in return for not having to work. That doesn't mean you should be doing 40 hours of housework per week, and it doesn't obligate you to only do your cooking between 5pm
    via u/Equivalent-Board206
  • 26
    Your husband has been pretty clear on his unwillingness to heat up and eat leftovers, so leftovers aren't an option. That doesn't mean pre-preparing food is out of the question. Make it easier if you need it to be easier.
    via u/Equivalent-Board206
  • 27
    I would suggest you change up your cooking so that you're able to reuse previous dinner leftovers in the next meal. For example, if you cook roast lamb, then the next meal might be a lamb masala (add the precooked lamb in ten minutes beforehand). Serve with rice, but cook enough rice for (with any extra lamb) fried rice... You can even pre-cook the masala the same day as the lamb. Cook lots of masala at once, defrost, heat, freshen up the herbs and spices,
    via u/Equivalent-Board206
  • 28
    There are other options. Renegotiate your agreements. Ask to share the responsibility for cooking for a while. Tell him you need a holiday from cooking for a bit. Start from what YOU need and make it about you and not about him. Eg "I used to love cooking, but right now cooking hurts. I need a break from it so that I can recover my love for it. As such, I need to cut way back on cooking dinner for the next 3 months. I'll still do the grocery shopping. Can we talk about how we make this work?"
    via u/Equivalent-Board206

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage leftovers cooking relationship status relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships housewife story food reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship
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