Single mom of a 4-year-old tells family she cannot afford Christmas presents for 37-40 family members, offends family by saying she can only afford to gift Ramen Noodles: 'No matter how much I say I can’t, it doesn’t seem to register'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 23, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Nobody should be pressured into giving their whole extended family Christmas gifts. I can't imagine how stressful it would be to buy a thoughtful gift for every uncle, cousin, second cousin, and cousin's wife who happens to show up at grandma's house on Christmas Eve. The best gift-giving isn't the kind you're forced into, but the kind you want to do out of your own volition. Nobody wanted me to buy my high school calculus teacher a cardboard cutout of Michael Bublé for Christmas, but I did it anyway because I had a primal animal need to. 

Some families are delusional regarding how much they expect others to spend on presents. One single mom recently took to Reddit to share her experience with such a family. Instead of doing a Secret Santa or a white elephant gift exchange for the 40 people attending Christmas, they expect the grown-ups to buy a gift for everyone individually. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10432035072
    via Anita Austvika (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my family they will be getting ramen noodles for Christmas?
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 03
    1 (27) female have a son (4y M) and we just moved into our first apartment this past September. After saving for almost 4 years and working 3 jobs, we were finally able to get our own place. However, like last year, we can not afford to get everyone gifts. This year is especially difficult as I am not even sure how I am going to get my son anything, and I have a list of almost 37-40 people total in immediate family that I typically have to get gifts for. In the past, I have tried suggesting doin
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 04
    typically set to almost $100, which I just simply can not do. I've tried to explain before that I can't afford to keep doing this and for everyone to just not get me anything, but it's always met with an awkward conversation of "Oh, well you only have to spend $5 it's not that much". And no matter how much I saw I can't, it doesn't seem to register. So this year, my family started sharing what they all want for Christmas, and I again said I can't do Christmas and to please not include me or my s
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 05
    everyone! I have said a couple times that I can't afford to do Christmas this year, however, it seems there has been some confusion as to what that means. So, just to make everyone aware, you will be receiving ramen noodles as that is what I can give. Kindly send the flavor of your choice, otherwise the flavor will be given at random." Not even five minutes after I sent the message, I was removed from the group and got a bunch of messages saying that I was an a_h_le and should have just said not
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 06
    Edit: To add, I am not making this expecting any sort of charity, nor do I want any. It is difficult enough having to admit to myself that I can't afford to do Christmas how I've been doing it, let alone to ask anyone for anything (which I know extends from my past, but that's a story for another time). As for anyone assuming this is fake, I really wish it was. Unfortunately this has been a recurring topic for the past few years, and has only really gotten bad the past two as I was searching for
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 07
    As for how much I spent last year, I had started purchasing gifts for my relatives back in June since I knew the list was long, that way it wasn't spending at that money at once. A majority of it went towards my son, and I am glad I was able to give him one final "big" Christmas while I still could.
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 08
    Also, I have noticed people making recommendations to groups that post discounts, Amazon sales, ect and I really appreciate that! If anyone knows of anymore pages, please let me know as it can not hurt to be apart of more than one! I plan on sending a message out to all of my family again today, explaining how I've been feeling and I am hoping they can listen, but who knows.
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 09
    SoMoistlyMoist Buying gifts for 40 people is insane anyway. With extended family we all just draw names and we have a $25 limit. I mean each parent buys for their own kids but when you draw a name that's the only other person you have to buy for. It doesn't seem like your family knows what the spirit of Christmas is about. Sounds like just give me gifts or you're an a hole.
    via u/SoMoistlyMoist
  • 10
    Medium_Ad416 Exactly, buying for 40 people is ridiculous. Your family needs a reality check on what Christmas is actually about ―it's not a gift grab.
    via u/Medium_Ad416
  • 11
    Emma3190 NTA - Your family shouldn't be guilting you into buying gifts when you've already explained that you can't participate in that way, you also have offered a more cost effective option. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I'm sure life is hectic enough without worrying about this. If you want to maybe defuse the situation a bit (which you don't have to) it may be worth texting and saying that you didn't mean to cause offense but the sentiment still stands; you can't afford to give gi
    via u/Emma3190
  • 12
    AvaVirgoVortex OP has communicated her financial constraints and tried to find alternative solutions like Secret Santa, but her family didn't respect your boundaries. NTA :)
    via u/AvaVirgoVortex
  • 13
    Procrastinator_Mum Pardon my language but, what a bunch of AH's. I just don't understand the obsession with gifting so extensively at Christmas. I feel very lucky that my family decided 15+ years ago that we don't buy outside our immediate family (my partner & kids) unless there's a very young child and then there's a $15-20 limit. Instead we do something together & pay for our own families. We started this before all the grandchildren were born and the youngest is 14 now.
    via u/Procrastinator_Mum
  • 14
    This has morphed into very competitive yet completely unskilled bowling. We now have hilarious memories of us (26 in total) playing in several locations - depending on where we're gathering. We've been watching the kids grow & get better, while us adults get older & our game gets worse from our failing knees or backs. We all agree we have little or no memory of the gifts given before we started this, but we all have fond memories of being together, hoping at least one of us will crack 100!
    via u/Procrastinator_Mum
  • 15
    billlumberg363 NTA. You told them you don't have the money. Buy your kid presents and forget the rest of them.
    via u/billlumberg363
  • 16
    xDazzle Doll I agree. You made it clear you couldn't afford gifts, and your priority should be your son, not stressing over everyone else OP. NTA
    via u/xDazzleDoll
  • 17
    Away-Librarian1218 There are organizations to help get gifts for your son. Look into Santa's Helpers, some YMCAs and YWCA. I'm not sure if the deadline passed for Operation Santa.
    via u/Away-Librarian1218
  • 18
    No-Elevator3324 OP I have looked into a lot and from what I've researched, they have very strict rules on only being aloud to sign up for one organization, and if they discover you are signed up for other organizations then you will be kicked from the waitlist. And the sign up is for a chance to be picked, I have used signed up with the Salvation Army but I haven't heard anything yet on if they've picked anyone yet. Keeping my fingers crossed
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 19
    UnPracticed_Pagan NTA - but your family really s ks It's probably unsolicited advice on my part but I would stop participating in giving gifts to ALL 37-40+ members. It's not feasible for you, and that's okay, don't listen to family gaslighting you into stressing out further financially to demand they get gifts when Christmas is supposed to be about giving out of kindness and not expectation
    via u/UnPracticed_Pagan
  • 20
    Don't even give them the ramen noodles, use that money to get your son a small but nice gift. He's young enough where I guarantee one toy and then the memories you make of the day will far outweigh a whole Christmas tree of presents
    via u/UnPracticed_Pagan
  • 21
    My family doesn't do gifts for adults (with exception of spouses and maybe mom/dad), kids only. If you still have 10-20+ kids and that's still not feasible that's okay, just worry about your son. At the end of the day; he's your family now and everyone else now is EXTENDED family, even your mom and dad. It's nice to give a gift when it's met without expectation. Your extended family just sounds greedy
    via u/UnPracticed_Pagan
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    Future-Ear6980 I'm sure there are a number of this huge group who wished they had OP's guts to set limitations to this outdated practice. EVERYONE is struggling financially, they are just scared of being criticized by the others
    via u/Future-Ear6980
  • 23
    ProfileElectronic Coal. I would have quietly sent all of them coal.
    via u/ProfileElectronic
  • 24
    pixie-ann NTA I find Christmas revolting for many reasons, one is the insane financial stress it places on people. Don't fret, I think your ramen noodle flavor comment was hilarious but clearly your family didn't and that's actually who matters here.
    via u/pixie-ann
  • 25
    Let the dust settle and maybe you can have a chat with a few people to apologise if you thinks it necessary. Buying gifts for 37-40 people is INSANE. It's ridiculous. I don't know anyone who buys for that many people. Even with inexpensive gifts the amount of work involved to choose, wrap etc that many gifts is overwhelming. Do you actually spend Christmas with 40 people? Surely you aren't the only one who baulks at the cost of buying for 40 people?
    via u/pixie-ann
  • 26
    No-Elevator3324 OP Between my moms side, my dads side, and extended family that come from out of state to see us once a year between the kids and adults it ends up being around 40 people. The irony is that the only side who has understood the past few years and has never once pressured me has been my ex's family (my sons dads side, who we are very close to)
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 27
    KSknitter In that case just don't go to your family's Xmas. See if you can go to the exs family instead. Make it clear it is obvious that they would rather have presents than your presents.
    via u/KSknitter
  • 28
    Phyllida_Poshtart Op you also posted this last year too when it was 24 people that's a big increase to 40 people plus you gave a gift list for your son to posters that they could buy. Is this just another attempt at disguised begging?
    via u/Phyllida_Poshtart
  • 29
    No-Elevator3324 OP As I do understand the concern, I am not begging for anything nor do I want anything, from anyone. My list jumped due to multiple family members having children, other extended family moving a tad closer and wanting to spend time with our family, ect. Simply looking for any advice or if someone has had a similar situation that can weigh in on how they went about handling things.
    via u/No-Elevator3324
  • 30
    thayaht Hello, I was a single mom for ten years. I didn't have this exact situation but I have scaled back on the grotesqueness of Christmas. One year I just said screw it, there are some things I really detest and one is addressing Christmas cards and another is wrapping presents. So I am not going to do those things. My life was wall-to-wall obligations and if I was going to add more chores to my to- do list. F the stupid cards. F wrapping stuff.
    via u/thayaht
  • 31
    I was out of Fs to give. In your case, you are out of dollars. Show up to the holidays, be kind, offer to help whomever is hosting in some manageable way, but DONT do more than your share or your family might decide to make you do more to compensate for not buying gifts. And don't back down on not having money to buy gifts. You are a single mom and your priorities are crystal clear about what you can and can't do. Be super zen and firm about your boundaries so your life stays manageable. vibes.
    via u/thayaht

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