'Jake is sounding like a jealous sister wife': Man lives with best friend and his wife on subsidized rent, chews out wife for taking a half day at work

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Having a roommate can be a difficult situation to navigate, especially if one of you is third-wheeling. I know plenty of couples who live with one other person, and it can work if you're conscious about it. As the couple, you have to make sure you're not PDA-ing too hard in front of your roommate. And as the roommate, you have to assert yourself as an equal third. This balance can be tricky, though, as it can quickly feel like its two against one. 

But what happens when the couple is just doing a favor to their friend? This is what happened in this story, when a couple opened their home to one of their best friends as a gesture of good faith. But the dynamic between him and his friend's wife/ second roommate became fraught when their houseguest had some choice words about her work. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10434034432
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for going home early from work (with permission) and being upset about my husband's best friend's comments?
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 03
    For context, my husband's best friend (let's call him "Jake") lives with us. He pays a small amount in rent (about 1/4 of what it's worth), helps out by watering my plants (I pay for all the supplies), and feeding my cat (I buy the food—my cat just likes hanging out in the upstairs area where Jake lives). Jake also works with my husband, and I recently started working there as well.
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 04
    Recently, I got sick and was sent home from work for a week. After a few days, I was feeling well enough to head into the office briefly to sort out some work and then head back home to rest. This was cleared with my boss beforehand.
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 05
    When I was getting ready to leave, I went to say goodbye to my husband. Jake was there too and made a snarky comment along the lines of, "You must understand how this looks to everyone that works here, and if you're sick, you should stay home and not come in."
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 06
    This really rubbed me the wrong way. Jake isn't in any kind of authority over my position, and this isn't the first time he's made comments when I've been allowed to leave work early due to personal circumstances. I feel like it's overstepping, especially since my boss. had no issue with me coming in briefly.
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 07
    Now I'm wondering: AITA for going home early with permission, or for being upset about Jake's comments? EDIT: I have pneumonia so its not contagious and "Jake" and I don't work in the same department.
    via u/BrokenUnicornCandy
  • 08
    Current-Name1334 6h ago • • NTA. He should have kept that to himself. It was ride. But just to try to understand his side, are you working in the same department? Is he being affected by you being off with a workload increase? Does he hate his job and is just jealous you're off and
    via u/Current-Name1334
  • 09
    he's not? Is what you have contagious, and he's worried about getting sick and missing work himself? None of these really matter. What he said is still r de. I'm just wondering if it's coming from somewhere.
    via u/Current-Name1334
  • 10
    FauveSxMcW • 6h ago. NTA Jake is r de and codescending. He is also indebted to you living in your home at a discounted rate. Your health and attendance is none of his business. I would tell your husband what happened and have him talk to him- I'm surprised he didn't stick up for you at the time. Try and limit contact with him as much as you can. He sounds toxic.
    via u/FauveSxMcW
  • 11
    BlindUmpBob • 5h ago NTA Jake's biting the hand that feeds him. Normally, I'd say ask your husband to speak with his friend, but since he lives in your house, you should feel free to address this yourself.
    via u/BlindUmpBob
  • 12
    Two possible courses to consider. You could certainly report him to HR. Or you could tell him since he has shown he has no regard for you as his best friend's wife, he can start paying fair value in rent. His 3rd choice would be to STFU and not stick his nose in your business.
    via u/BlindUmpBob
  • 13
    Cheese Making Mom 6h ago • NTA Jake has no supervisory role over you. Please address this with your actual supervisor, perhaps with a follow-up email to both your supervisor and Jake outlining the chain of command and reporting structure.
    via u/CheeseMakingMom
  • 14
    If this continues to be a problem, continue to document it and report it to HR. It will become uncomfortable at home, so perhaps a change in living. arrangements needs to be made, starting with allowing Jake to find alternate housing.
    via u/CheeseMakingMom
  • 15
    Rohini_rambles • 5h ago • Jake sounding like a jealous sister wife. You sure he doesn't have some intentions with your husband?
    via u/Rohini_rambles
  • 16
    Didntlikedefaultname 5h ago • • Info: what were you sick with? Do you have any ability to work from home? I don't really see the point of the additional exposition about Jake living with you and paying under market value. You're not asking if he's the a h le for that, so it doesn't seem relevant to the actual question.
    via u/Didntlikedefaultname
  • 17
    • SunshineShoulders87 5h ago • Jake's practically living in your home for free and with almost no responsibilities, still spends a ton of time with your husband beyond time at home, and jumped on an opportunity to take you down a peg. You may want to watch them... but I also watch too much Dateline and should probably go touch some grass.
    via u/SunshineShoulders87
  • 18
    NTA. Pneumonia has a long recovery, so you trying to work a little and then needing to rest is normal. Reason Folks at work probably appreciated your attempt to chip in and understood you having to leave.
    via u/SunshineShoulders87
  • 19
    TimelyCalligrapher76 · 5h ago Do you work at State Farm? In an unofficial capacity Jake is kind of a big deal there..
    via u/TimelyCalligrapher76
  • 20
    Mark_Michigan • 5h ago • Say this "Jake, my manager is OK with my hours. You are not my manager so it would be best if you just focus on your own role.". Then say nothing else. If he responds in any way, repeat the line.
    via u/Mark_Michigan
  • 21
    DestronCommander 6h ago • . NTA. If you don't even work in the same department, then no. You and your husband are also doing him a favor letting him stay with you in your house. If he continues to be r de and disrespectful, it's time he looks for a new place to stay.
    via u/DestronCommander
  • 22
    Tihana6 1h ago • Pneumonia can be contagious. Very often there is virus that can cause pneumonia, then it turns to inflamatory pneumonia wich you cure with antibiotics... I've had it and halfmof my family.
    via u/Tihana6

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