'If she didn’t care, why should I?': Mom ditches her 8-year-old bioson for her 'new family,' then gripes years later when he refuses to invite her to his wedding

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2024 2:00 PM EST

This mom followed up with far too little, far too late when she decided to attempt to forge a relationship with her 26-year-old son after abandoning him 12 years before. The reason for her sudden change of heart? His impending nuptials. 

I used to be a wedding coordinator, so I've seen all sides of the wedding industry and let me tell you, weddings bring out the best (and the worst) in everybody. So when this deadbeat mom came out of the woodwork to badger her son about their 'mother-son' dance during the wedding reception, he was right to refuse. 

After she remarried and moved on to a new family, u/Successful-Tank-851 was devastated. At only 8 years old, he lost his mother figure and decided there and then that he didn't need one. Keep scrolling to read how this man, now grown into a mature adult, drew some healthy boundaries with a long-lost family member who only decided to come out of the woodwork to capitalize on an open bar and a free buffet at his wedding. 

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    via Hrechenuik Oleskii

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for not letting my mom come to my wedding after she ignored me my whole life
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    I (26M) am getting married to my fiancée, (let's call her. Sarah (25F), in a few months, and I'm super excited about it. But there's one big issue with all the planning-my mom.
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    A little background: My parents divorced when I was 8, and my mom (let's call her Layla) remarried pretty quickly after that. She married this guy, Dave, who had two kids of his own. Ever since, it's like I was no longer
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    a priority in her life. She focused all her attention on Dave and his kids. Like, I'm not exaggerating when I say she treated them way better than me. They'd go on trips, she'd go to all their sport events, and they'd get everything they wanted.
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    Meanwhile, I felt like I was invisible. She didn't ask about my school, didn't care about my friends, or even my mental health. I started to feel like I wasn't even her kid anymore
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    When I turned 18, I moved out. I thought maybe she'd care and try to stay in touch, but nope-she didn't. I'd text her once in a while just to check in, and she'd either not respond or say she was busy with Dave and his kids. I
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    figured if she didn't care, why should I? So, I just stopped trying to reach out. Fast forward to now. I'm planning my wedding, and out of nowhere, my mom
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    starts texting me like we're super close. She wants to know all the details, saying how excited she is, and even saying things like, "I can't wait to see you start this new chapter." Like... seriously? I
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    haven't heard from her in years, and now she expects to be front and center for my wedding? I told her straight up that I didn't want her there. I said I'm not comfortable with her coming after everything
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    that's happened, and that if she really wants to have a relationship, we can talk about it after the wedding, but not before. She started crying and saying I'm holding a grudge and that "I'm her son" and "she deserves to be there." But I don't know how
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    I'm supposed to just forget the fact that she ignored me my whole childhood in favor of Dave's kids. Now, my family is split. Some of them think I'm right and that I shouldn't just let her
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    show up when she never showed up for me. Others think I should just let it go, and "it's just one day" and that I should let her come to the wedding to keep the
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    peace. So... AITA for not letting my mom come to my wedding after everything that happened?
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    Thrwwymc NTA this is your wedding, you're supposed to have the people you love around you, it's not for her or anyone else. You said you would talk about things after the wedding which is reasonable. It's up to you who you invite not your family, it may be unpopular with some of them but ultimately it's your decision.
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    SugaryWetLips NTA. Your mom basically pulled a "Hey, stranger!" like she's an old friend sliding into your DMs after ghosting you for years. Now, because it's a big life event, suddenly she wants to play "proud mom"? Nah, she missed out on the backstage pass a long time ago.
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    AN4RCHY90 NTA mate, I say stick to it. End of the day its yours & your fiancée's decision who comes, if she supports your decision then you have your answer. Congrats on the wedding!
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    Silly Simian9 This! You may find in future that you forgive your mom, but you don't need to be feeling some kind of way about it at your wedding.
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    meeseeks2020 NTA. You are not obligated to "keep the peace" when the only one disrupting the "peace" is your absent mother trying to get free food and drink and glory at your wedding. Why would she ever expect to be welcome there?
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    Her presence would be a painful reminder that she didn't think you were worth the time of day. My guess is she will disappear again as soon as it's over.
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    Leavelnteresting3290 The only 'peace' that matters is OPs mental health
    via Leavelnteresting3290

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