Woman Demands to Adopt Stepchildren Despite Their Resistance, She Blames Husband for Having Responsibilities of Motherhood Without the Title: ‘I feel like I’m being used now’

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Dec 14, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Blended families are never easy. There could be residual resentment, financial difficulties, and children having to cope with a step-parent. There's no point along this process that's easier than another, and it will always take time to fully integrate as a family. Because it's already not a 'traditional' dynamic, it's important to note the sensitivity of titles and relationships, and to not pressure children into a role they're not comfortable being in. 

This brings us to the Reddit thread. In this story, the original poster (OP) is a man who has remarried with two kids. He's on amicable terms with his ex-wife, and his children still see her. He's been remarried for some time now, and his wife desires a closer relationship with the children. Instead of understanding that they're just kids, she tries to enforce policies that hinder real connection. You'll have to read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01
    active. I don't want her to feel used but I don't want to force this on my kids and honestly, it feels disrespectful to the mother of my children. But my wife feels I'm not respecting her.
    via Canva
  • 02
    r/AITAH 9 hr. ago Remarkable_Bat5292 AITA for not letting my wife adopt my kids?
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 03
    I (30m) have two kids ages 8 and 9, with my ex. My ex is still alive but she was in a car accident two years ago and requires around the clock care now so she's not able to be an involved mother to our kids. She and I were friends who tried being more but worked better as friends. I still love her as a friend. I visit. My kids visit. And my kids love their mom.
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 04
    I was dating my wife (30f) when my ex had her accident. We got married a year ago. She loves my kids and has mentioned that she'd like to adopt them. I had some mixed feelings on that and I spoke to my kids, just a general talk with no pressure to give an answer either way, but neither. were on board. They didn't want a
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 05
    new mom. Which I respect. I told my wife I didn't think her adopting the kids was the right thing to do and at first she appeared to accept it. She told me she was disappointed but she also said she understood. But that wasn't the end of it and she has asked me why, she has asked me to reconsider, she told me about
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 06
    the benefits of her adopting them and she said she doesn't want to be considered a lesser parent because she's stepmom and not mom.
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 07
    My kids feelings have remained unchanged. They like my wife but they do not consider her their mom.
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 08
    My wife said I'm being unfair. That she's actively involved in the kids, she wants to mother them and to give them a mom back and she said I'm not letting her. She said if something happened to me she'd lose the kids and they'd lose her and when we have kids they'd be separated. I told her I wanted to act in my kids
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 09
    best interest and that's where my decisions come from.
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 10
    My wife feels I'm unreasonable. She feels like I'm using her. She doesn't do all or even most of the child raising. She is a huge part of it but I'm very involved and active. I don't want her to feel used but I don't want to force this on my kids and honestly, it feels disrespectful to the mother of my children. But my wife feels I'm not respecting her.
    via u/Remarkable_Bat5292
  • 11
    • p... 7h ago Edited 7h ago • If your ex is still alive, unless she renounces parental rights, your wife can't adopt them. And I'm not sure what the h she thinks she would get out of adopting them anyway. This is just very weird.
    via u/professorfunkenpunk
  • 12
    Edit- I read more of the comments, and agree with others- this is consult a lawyer territory. You need to talk to a lawyer and to set up a will with guardianship provisions in the event something happens to you, whether you want them to go with your wife or
    via u/professorfunkenpunk
  • 13
    someone else. And the fact that your ex is alive but incapacitated probably complicates that. But a decent family law/probate attorney should be able to get it sorted.
    via u/professorfunkenpunk
  • 14
    Protozoa Patriot • 9h ago • Top 1% Commenter Adoption is a legal concept. I don't think your wife understands that it doesn't define the relationship she has with the kids. It didn't magically turn her into "mom".
    via u/Protozoa Patriot
  • 15
    If she wants to be an important person in their lives, that comes from lots of time, patience, love, and understanding.
    via u/Protozoa Patriot
  • 16
    FatFats666 9h ago • NTA - she needs to come to terms with the fact that they DO have a mom. She's a bonus mom and she can't force them to replace their own mother. it makes it seem like she wants to pretend their mom doesn't exist & have her be able to make all the choices.
    via u/FatFats666
  • 17
    props to you for listening to your kids; they come first
    via u/FatFats666
  • 18
    AnnNonNeeMous • 7h ago They. Have. A. Mother. Period. End of story. NTA.
    via u/AnnNonNeeMous
  • 19
    First-Stress-9893 • 7h ago • To be honest I feel like this would be disrespectful to their mom. She is still alive. She is still their mom. Why isn't being in their lives enough for her? Even if she adopted them the relationship doesn't magically change - it's just legalities.
    via u/First-Stress-9893
  • 20
    RevolutionaryDi... •9h ago. Top 1% Commenter NTA They have a living breathing Mom. No reason for adoption. Likely the Mom would not agree to her adopting them anyways. She can either be a bonus mom or she can take a hike.
    via u/RevolutionaryDi
  • 21
    Loreo 1964 7h ago • NTA. • Their mom is a living, breathing, loving person in their lives. She was dealt a bad hand in life. She's not a drug dealing addict locked up in prison for life.
    via u/Loreo 1964
  • 22
    Your kids aren't looking for a new mom and they don't want a FORCED adoption. She needs to back off.
    via u/Loreo 1964
  • 23
    • Speaking MyTrut... 8h ago • NTAH. It sounds like you need to tell her exactly what your children said. They said no and you aren't going to force them to do something they do not want to do. If she continues to push this you need to divorce her
    via u/Speaking MyTrut

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