Freeloading mom constantly visits sister-in-law unannounced at dinner time with 7-year-old and 9-year-old, flips out when she won't share her meal: 'I said I was sorry, but that's my dinner'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 14, 2024 6:00 PM EST

There are many levels to being in a serious relationship. Most of the time, it's not just your partner you need to worry about, but also their family. Many couples have fallen on tough times because of issues with in-laws, which can take many forms. They can be even more difficult to navigate when they aren't people who you grew up with.

For one woman, this has taken the form of her sister-in-law and her two kids frequently visiting her and her boyfriend unannounced at dinner time. While her partner has no problem enabling this behavior, she put her foot down one day when she was alone and her nephew wanted to try some of her meal. Neither her sister nor her boyfriend was happy with her establishing boundaries, but the people of Reddit were more on her side. There is a difference between hospitality and being a nuisance.

 

 

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    Cheezburger Image 10440802304
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to share my dinner with 2 children?
    via Own_Information9013
  • 03
    My (F29) boyfriend Albert (M35) and I had a great relationship until his family moved closer to us. I haven't seen a more toxic or entangled family connection. It seems like every ex and their mother is an enemy, every ex boss had it out for them, every friend should help out more and more, everyone should take their verbal ab e. After a few run ins, I cut MIL off. His sister (F37) is in the habit of showing up at dinner time. She has 2 kids (7f, 9M) that she always brings along. I didn't mind s
    via Own_Information9013
  • 04
    SIL has an unbearable parenting style. They are good kids, but she over indulges them and lets too many things slide as "they are just kids". So they interject in adult conversations, have crying fits when told "no" and are prone to grabbing/touching/taking objects without permission. So they took things around the house ( cupboard items, small sculptures, my stash of hotel toiletries, my hair extensions) "to play with" and had me going crazy trying to find them later. Fast forward and her son,
    via Own_Direction9013
  • 05
    I'm not happy in my relationship. I don't have privacy. His sister keeps showing up despite being told (by myself) that she can't keep showing up uninvited. I'm sick of having to hide things that I think her kids could get their hands on. I recently put a lock on my home office door because I suspect that SIL has been using my copy machine while I'm out. I work both at home and at 2 client sites and have been getting home after 8 pm. I'm sick of being tense and dreading her visits because he let
    via Own_Information9013
  • 06
    Last Friday, Albert went bowling with friends. I told him that I wanted a very quiet evening and didn't want to be bothered. I got home at around 7PM, and sat down to eat my seafood boil. SIL showed up, asking for her daughter's backpack that she left behind. I was annoyed. I tried to rush to get it but her son saw the crab legs and started insisting. I said I was sorry, but that's my dinner. So he starts crying, stomping and repeatedly asking his mom for my food. I said I was sorry and quickly
    via Own_Information9013
  • 07
    SIL showed up yesterday, but he wasn't home yet so I didn't let her in. I'm angry and defeated and I'm coming to the conclusion that I need to end the relationship because he texted me that I need to apologize to SIL. I didn't want things to end between us but I feel like they are trying to walk all over me. This is so surreal. We had planned on a cozy Xmas together months ago when things were good. I'm not trying to ruin his life. Right now, his finances are not great and my salary makes a huge
    via Own_Information9013
  • 08
    sailorpussy NTA. I hate sharing my food when I'm already exhausted, and now its comes with a temper tantrum from unwelcome people? Leave this
    via sailorpssy
  • 09
    Fancy Duty9932 When you've made just enough food for the people under your roof, in this case 2 people, it's r de for anyone to just show up and expect to be fed. If he doesn't understand this, that's a serious problem.
    via FancyDuty9932
  • 10
    WanderingGnostic NTA. Run far, run fast. It will never get better. They've shown you who they are and where you stand with them. There's no salvaging this.
    via WanderingGnostic
  • 11
    glassflowersthrow he will never choose you if he hasn't defended you or set boundaries even a single time. he seems to be using you as a financial boon in his time of need. tbh you need to break up with him... he seems to think his family is owed ur money objects and food since u make more than him
    via glassflowersthrow
  • 12
    Curious-One4595 Yeah, NTA. You can't fight for your relationship when your boyfriend sees you as the enemy. Leave as soon as you can. He and his sister can pool their finances, homes, and lives together, if they have to. You are being treated very poorly here by everyone.
    via Curious-One4595
  • 13
    elphaba00 Even before the crab legs incident, you should have left when he called you selfish and greedy. It just sounds like everyone in the family is a huge mooch.
    via elphaba00
  • 14
    AKBigHorton Came here to say this. Based on the description, the entire family (probably for at least a generation) are hugely entitled mooches who see no issue helping themselves to whatever they consider to be available; following generation is clearly in training to be the same. Run far, run fast, and change all your credit card/bank account numbers before you go. See if the ex's have set up a recovery/support group, LOL.
    via AKBigHorton
  • 15
    Thespothea1 Agreed. NTA. You've gone above and beyond to set boundaries, and their disregard for your efforts shows they don't respect you. Leaving isn't failing; it's choosing your peace and self- respect over enabling their toxic behavior. You deserve better.
    via Thespothea1
  • 16
    Amunetkat Nta...but you better lock down your contraceptives while you plan your exit from this dumpster fire of a relationship. Gurl why are you with this man? He prioritizes his family more than you and puts you down in your own house?
    via Amunetkat
  • 17
    judgeeveryonesbiznes NTA - his finances are his problem. How would you feel if you found out he was only staying with you until he gets more on his feet money wise and then he drops you like a bad habit? You siad it yourself you are not happy. His behavior is not going to change. The things that make you unhappy do not effect him in the same way. There is no shame for walking away and letting him sort himself out. Maybe he and sister can get a place and share finances since they seem to kind of
    via judgeeveryonesbiznes
  • 18
    Grumpy_Lurker NTA. Though it's pretty clear that this relationship is untenable. You've established reasonable boundaries that he can't respect, or expect his family to respect.
    via Grumpy_Lurker
  • 19
    Thealks1a I completely agree. It's clear that you've been more than patient, trying to respect his family and accommodate them, but there comes a point where your own needs and comfort should come first. You shouldn't have to hide your things or feel anxious in your own home. It's also concerning that your boyfriend doesn't have your back in these situations and instead sides with his sister. That's a serious red flag in any relationship. You're not being unreasonable for wanting peace, respect,
    via Thealks1a
  • 20
    Creepy-Stable-6192 Well, at least now you know he cares more about what his family thinks of him then what his wife thinks of him. NTA, separation may be for the best.
    via Creepy-Stable-6192
  • 21
    Mediocre_Tourist_813 They are not even married! That girl has to run, fast.
    via Mediocre_Tourist_813
  • 22
    Trated1a Absolutely agree. His actions (or lack thereof) clearly demonstrate where his priorities lie. By ignoring your boundaries and failing to stand up for you, he's shown that he's more concerned about avoiding conflict with his family than maintaining a healthy partnership with you. Relationships require mutual respect and support, and he's not showing either. NTA. Walking away from a situation where your voice is consistently ignored and your efforts undervalued isn't failure; it's self-re
    via Trated1a
  • 23
    Awkward-Tourist979 You have all the power in this relationship. Tell him you're already financially supporting him - you are not prepared to feed his sister and her poorly behaved children. Either he deals with this now or he can move out now. Tell him you aren't prepared to discuss this any further. He needs to have a think about his behaviour and his sister's behaviour and make a decision to leave or stay. If he chooses to stay - he must see his sister over at her house. There will be no more
    via Awkward-Tourist979
  • 24
    Budget-Cloud1203 He will come home one day to an empty house. All my items would be gone, and numbers blocked. No ma'am, run as fast as you can in the other direction.
    via Budget-Cloud1203
  • 25
    Own_Information9013 OP Thanks, that's what my best friend says. I'm trying to find a small office space or a cubicle that I can seal and lock so that my work stuff and documents are definitely out of his reach.
    via Own_Information9013

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