Frugal mom refuses to spend $5000+ on a quinceañera for her daughter, responsibly co-parenting when her ex has no interest in financial wisdom: ‘He pays [for] nothing’

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 17, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Birthday parties can be expensive, but a quinceañera—or the Latino equivalent of a 'Sweet Sixteen' bash—can cost thousands. So when this mom on a budget was approached by her deadbeat ex about throwing a lavish party for their teenager, she rightfully refused. 

Although this dad was already fortunate to be avoiding child support payments, he still dared to plant the seed of a big budget party in the mind of his 14-year-old daughter, promising that 'Mom would pay for it.' That's a pretty bold claim coming from a guy with debt up to his gills and a whole slew of bad financial decisions riding in his wake. And of course, in an attempt to be the favored parent, he promised a big bash without forking up the cheddar to pay for it. 

Keep scrolling for all the details of this parenting dispute that led a woman to stand her ground against her financially irresponsible ex. 

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  • 01
    My daughter's father (36) lives with his mom, pays nothing in child support because he's in debt(owes IRS/credit card debt). I pay everything for my daughter- you name it, I pay. I don't ask her dad because he's already paying child support for another...
    via Grafinka
  • 02
    AITA for telling my daughter's father that I will not be doing a Quincenera for her? Background: I'm 35(F) and have a 13(F) daughter who wants a Quincenera and I'm
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 03
    not comfortable spending that much money on one event. I'm a Hispanic woman who was born in the US so I'm not a traditional Mexican and my kids are Americanized.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 04
    Here's where the issue comes. My daughter's father (36) who lives with his mom, pays nothing in child support because he's in debt (owes IRS/credit card debt). I pay everything for my daughter
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 05
    activities/sports/hobbies/clot hes/trips) you name it, I pay. I don't ask her dad because he's already paying child support for another son he has with an ex. I am fortunate that my fiancé and I make a good income and can afford
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 06
    to be debt free by choosing to make wise money decisions. I have a full-time job, do contract work on the side, and part-time Masters student at my local University (debt-free).
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 07
    My ex approached me when I dropped off my daughter and said that our daughter wants a Quince and she wants a party where all her family is in one place. I told him I wasn't doing a Quince but I'd throw a party in our backyard
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 08
    and he was invited. Our house is nice and our backyard was done a few years ago and is big. The other day he said that his cousin had a baby shower at a ranch style and that its $3K for the venue for 250 people.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 09
    On the phone I freaked because I have a lot on my plate and know how much work it takes to plan an event with a lot of people. He said his family is easily 100 people. I have a lot of family
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 10
    too but I was only planning on only inviting close family and friends. When I tell him "No this is not a Quincenera but a party with food and DJ with tops 100 people" he tell
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 11
    me that "I'm starting to really disappoint him" and I tell him that I have a lot going on and that I can't plan something that big with all the stuff I already do and that I don't want to spend a lot of money.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 12
    Quinceneras are a lot when you think of the dress/dolls/walce/damas/ban d and etc. they are time consuming and a lot of money goes into them. He gave me $200 the other day
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 13
    and was planning to give me $100 each pay day. He's never given me that much money for her since we separated when she was 1. I have final exams this week
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 14
    and I haven't been able to sleep for 2 nights thinking of all the stress this is causing me. Should I give him his money back and tell him that we should each do what we can for her on our own? He
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 15
    causes me stress and I swear talking to him is pointless. because he makes me feel like I'm the bad person. Update: I was always planning to throw her a party.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 16
    Not a lavish one but something nice in our backyard which I told her dad that he was more than welcome to attend.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 17
    SGC6969 NTA. You should be having this party discussion with your daughter, not him. He's not really contributing much of anything so he really doesn't get a say. And she's only 13, isn't a quince at 15?
    via SGC6969
  • 18
    (I'm super white sorry). You're stressing 2 years early for this party. Talk to your daughter and see what she really wants and would be comfortable with.
    via SGC6969
  • 19
    Kooky_Excuse_1557 OP Thank you and I've talked to her she wants the whole nine yards of a Quincenera. I know it's early but he wants to start planning. I feel it has more to do with his "ego" because a lot of parents do it for themselves and I've seen it firsthand.
    via Kooky_Excuse_1557
  • 20
    SGC6969 Ok well if she's wanting the whole nine yards it may do you some good to lay down expectations now. Explain to her that it may not be possible but that you'll try your hardest, and then involve her with the planning process when the time
    via SGC6969
  • 21
    comes. Kids arent dumb, if you explain how expensive things are and give her a budget to work with you can maybe both get what you want. As for her dad, I wouldn't doubt that it's for his ego. He needs to contribute more if he's not even paying child support.
    via SGC6969
  • 22
    shelwood46 If he really wants the full boat $5K quince, well, good news, he has 2 years to plan and pay for every single penny of it. He can throw and, again, entirely pay for, the party of his little dreams. He can dip into that decade plus of never paying a penny toward his responsibility to his own child.
    via shelwood46
  • 23
    okienvegas Exactly what I was thinking. If he wants her to have one, he gets to plan and pay for it. OP can contribute financially but other than that, he gets to do the rest.
    via okienvegas

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