Working husband threatens to divorce unemployed stay-at-home wife after she forgot to make him lunch before he left for 2-week long work trip: 'I gave her an ultimatum; she had one month to become a proper homemaker'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 16, 2024 6:00 PM EST

So many marriages start to falter when one partner isn't bringing enough to the table. I see so many online testimonies from moms who work full-time, do all the housework, and take care of the kids without any help from their husbands. At that point, it's much easier to be a single mom instead of cleaning up after a man-baby who can barely take care of himself. Situations like this can arise no matter the partner's gender or the amount of responsibility they have. Even if a couple doesn't have any kids to care for, it's disheartening to go to work every day to support another grown adult who can't do anything but sit on the couch all day and scroll on their phone. If one-half of a couple doesn't bring anything to the table financially, they should at least bring some value to the domestic sphere, but that's even too much for this woman. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10442926336
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITAH for threatening to divorce my wife if she didn't become a proper homemaker in the next month?
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    My wife and I have been married for four years. I'm 33 and male, and she's 32. Her name is Steph.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    Steph is a SAHW, and since we got married, she has been incredibly inconsistent with household labor. I work a physically-demanding job, and it would really help if Steph could at least cook dinner more than
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    once or twice a week. Instead, she sits at the dinner table, hunched over her phone for hours a day. She's completely addicted to it, but she refuses to even have a conversation about this.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    Now, about twice a year, I have an opportunity to visit a foreign country for work. The nature of the work is to supervise construction and instruct the workers there. The compensation for these trips is always fantastic, and Steph is appreciative when I go because I bring home a pretty fat paycheck after.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    Three weeks ago, I was about to depart for two weeks on such a trip. At around 10am, I texted Steph and said that time was tight, but I'd be home at 12:30 to pick up my luggage. I asked her if
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    she would make me something for lunch and she agreed to do so. I emphasized that I had about ten minutes to stuff my face and then get to the airport.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    At 11am, I texted her again, saying I'd be home as planned at 12:30. Again, she said "OK."
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    At 12pm, I texted her saying that I was leaving. I walked in the door at exactly 12:30, only to find her sitting at the dinner table, hunched over her phone. When I walked in, she gave me this bewildered look. She had done literally nothing. Nothing was cooking.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    Steph stood up in a panic and said she'd start making me lunch, but I told her that it was pointless. She sheepishly apologized, and I responded, "Don't say sorry. Just be less useless." This made her
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    very upset. I just picked up my luggage, left, and went to the airport. I did manage to pick up some food at the airport, but I really would have liked a home- cooked meal before eating out every day for two weeks.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    I got home last week, and Steph was still angry. She said that what I said to her was over the top. I asked what she had been doing those two weeks, and she insisted that she was "super busy" (see: Instagram and Netflix).
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    I gave her an ultimatum: that she had one month, until 1/10, to get her sh together and be a proper homemaker. I told her that if she couldn't, I was going to divorce her. Steph was super upset, and
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    for the past week, she has been sulking (see: Instagram and Netflix). She told her family about it, and her mother basically blamed me for Steph's lack of direction in life.
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    I know it's nonsense that a 32- year-old woman needs to have her hand held to do anything, but was I being ridiculous with my ultimatum?
    via u/HopefulShelter3491
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    coygobbler • 11h ago • Why can't she go back to work? Why does she have to stay home? I think it's fair to say if you're not going to do the duties of a stay at home wife then you need to work.
    via u/coygobbler
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    cthulhusmercy Yeah, MIL is blaming him for her lack of direction. Then maybe she should go find a direction.
    via u/cthulhusmercy
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    Bumblebee377 Yeah she can go back to work and use that salary to have someone to do house keeping around the place or other tasks like yard work or get a meal service or other thing in place that would make both your life's easier if she is doesn't want to do those tasks herself, then she can help work to fund those tasks getting done.
    via u/Bumblebee377
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    bitbythewind This is 100% my thought. He said wants to divorce her because she's not a good homemaker, where I think he should've said it was because she wasn't pulling her weight.
    via u/bitbythewind
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    rythmicbread SAHW is very different from a SAHM.
    via u/rythmicbread
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    Cute_but_notOkay •8h ago • Edited 1h ago • 1000000% agreed. I'm very very lucky to be a sahw because I had some severe anxiety issues with the public (which I am working on) and husband makes enough to take care of us and wanted me to be okay so I stay home and
    via u/Cute_but_notOkay
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    ⚫keep the house clean, and all that entails, ⚫the yard done (he travels for work so can't do it all the time) ⚫the dog walked and entertained, ⚫the laundry done and folded to be packed when he has to leave.
    via u/Cute_but_notOkay
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    And I enjoy it. He works hard and does it because he loves me. The least I can do is keep the house clean and love him back. Lol. She can do work at home or work away from home but ya gotta put some effort into it!
    via u/Cute_but_notOkay
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    avnikim Do you really think she is employable? I don't know any companies that will let you play on your phone and watch Netflix.
    via u/avnikim
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    ConvivialKat NTA If you have no children and she is a SAHW, taking care of the household (including shopping and cooking) is her job. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to continue this way.
    via u/ConvivialKat
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    Auroraburst Right? Sounds like she would be fired from said job too
    via u/Auroraburst
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    Secret_Sister_Sarah I came into this thinking you were going to be the ah le; that maybe you're complaining about how she cooks and cleans or something. But reading that she only makes 2 meals a week, and didn't even bother preparing you one last lunch on your last day in town, when you specifically asked her to, and gave her a heads up twice that you were on your way home?! NTA
    via u/Secret_Sister_Sarah
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    The fact that she was glued to her phone makes this even worse, because phones have clocks on them... and if she knows she loses track of time easily, she could have set an alarm for 12 and had something ready for you easily by 12:30.
    via u/Secret_Sister_Sarah
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    Basicallyacrow7 • • 11h ago Edited 29m ago • Top 5% Commenter Happy cake day! Agreed, typically these posts are much different. NTA, as someone who's lucky enough to be a SAHW. My husband gets actually upset when I tell people I do "nothing" when they ask what I do. (Knowing they mean 'for work') So speaking as someone in her (imo privileged) position, I was actually p ed for OP when he walked in to no lunch (after two warnings). Those of us who get to stay home before kids are even involved hav
    via u/Basicallyacrow7
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    He gets home, I'm also not "expected" to be doing anything. We typically take turns making dinner though. As he enjoys cooking. Same deal on weekends, anything being done is typically team effort projects during that time. He doesn't care if I don't do a single dish, or a single load of laundry over the weekend. Sunday nights I make sure we have; groceries to make his lunch, and clean work clothes. I say all of this to say, OP in his post seems like he'd hold her to the same expectations, consid
    via u/Basicallyacrow7

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lazy work homemaker wife working relationship-drama reddit story married life relationships lunch marraige husband divorce stay at home wife unemployed toxic relationship
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