'I advise against having kids with this man': Husband expects wife to cook dinner every night despite them both working full-time jobs, never cleans up after

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 20, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Anyone who has actually had to cook for themselves knows how time-consuming it can be. Making dinner is not as simple as just making dinner. It's finding a recipe, going to the grocery store, managing the fridge and the pantry, prepping the ingredients, actively cooking, and then cleaning the dishes when all is said and done. If you have a couple of recipes that you stick to it can lessen the load, but it's always hard work, especially if you're doing it every single night. 

This is why, once upon a time, the person who didn't/couldn't join the workforce, usually the wife, was the one that was responsible for these tasks, because it's as much of a job as anything else. But as more and more of us have full-time jobs, the role of meal-provider takes on more ambiguity. But if everyone involved is working full-time jobs, then it has to be a joint effort. One husband didn't quite understand this and expected his wife to bend to a norm that isn't realistic anymore. Read on for the details. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10442970624
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for telling my husband I won't cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?
    via u/[deleted]
  • 03
    I (30F) have been married to my husband, Tom (32M), for 4 years. We both work full-time jobs-he works in IT, and I work in marketing. Despite us having similar work hours, I've somehow ended up being the one who cooks dinner every single night.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 04
    At first, I didn't mind because I enjoy cooking, but over time, it's become exhausting. Some days, I come home after a long day and just want to relax. Meanwhile, Tom comes home, sits on the couch, and waits for dinner to be served. He never offers to help with cooking or cleaning up afterward.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 05
    Last night, I told Tom that I'm done being the only one responsible for cooking dinner. I suggested that we split the responsibility-either he cooks a few nights a week, we take turns, or we order takeout sometimes. Tom got defensive and said it's "not a big deal" since I'm "better at cooking anyway" and that it's something I've always done. He also said he's too tired after work and doesn't see why this needs to change.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 06
    I got frustrated and told him it's unfair to expect me to do everything when we both work. Now he's upset, saying I'm overreacting and making a big deal out of something small. He even told a couple of his friends, who are siding with him, saying "it's just dinner." So, AITAH for telling my husband I won't cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?
    via u/[deleted]
  • 07
    ElsaAfterDark • 6h ago NTA. Sharing chores is fair since you both work full time. It's not 'just dinner' when it adds to your workload.
    via u/ElsaAfterDark
  • 08
    Usual-Canary-7764 · 6h ago • I am.petty. what you wrote is perfectly logical and should be the way but Tom has his back up so in OP's place I would: stop cooking dinner for the next 4 weeks. When Tom's asks...I will reply: "It's no big deal so I am not sure why your are overreacting over nothing". Tom can either get his a in gear and go cook or not it's his issue. Not OPs. NTA. And anyone siding with Tom can have him. Literally. And cook for him everyday.
    via u/Usual-Canary-7764
  • 09
    Annual-Abies-20... • 6h ago NTA. If it's a small deal and it's just dinner, he can do it. himself or order takeout.
    via u/Annual-Abies-2034
  • 10
    Salt-Finding9193 · 6h ago 'He never offers to clean up afterwards' you have got to be kidding me. If he wants. dinner he has to do the clean up. What are you doing with this big baby? Tell him to get off his lazy a and cook and clean 3-4 days a week or it's over.
    via u/Salt-Finding9193
  • 11
    • Ander-son 6h ago I advise against having kids. with this man
    via u/Ander-son
  • 12
    Hot-Inside4672 6h ago. . "Its just dinner" can be said back to him why doesnt he try and do it for once HE CLEARLY KNOWS ITS TAXING IF HE DOESNT MAKE HIM DO IT
    via u/Hot-Inside4672
  • 13
    Frankifile • 6h ago Well if it's not that big a deal he can do dinner for the next four years whilst you sit on waiting to eat. your These friends who think it's not a big deal, they don't cook every evening after coming home from work?
    via u/Frankifile
  • 14
    You need to properly talk, tell him if he really thinks it's no big deal he'll cook, he needs the practice anyway as you're the better cook. Tell him he can follow YouTube videos. Or simple recipes online. I mean I'd just point blank refuse to cook from here on and be looking to split up if he doesn't step up. But that may be too far for you.
    via u/Frankifile
  • 15
    Darkhead3380 6h ago. NTA. If you two work the same hours, the chores should be split 50/50. Including the responsibility(!). Either he makes up for your cooking time in other activities (cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, ...) or he's responsible for half of the meals.
    via u/Darkhead3380
  • 16
    If he refuses to do his duties, just don't cook for him. Or leave the AH immediately. It's not the 50s any more.
    via u/Darkhead3380
  • 17
    Lumpy_Marsupia... • 6h ago If it's "something small" and "not a big deal," then it should be no problem for him to step up, right? What kind of child goes. running to his buddies 'See, see, they agree with me!'
    via u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559
  • 18
    He, on the other hand, is selfish and lazy and quite happy for you to be upset and work harder than him. He doesn't care, as long as he doesn't have to make any effort. And the line about 'you're better at it'???? Is this what you want for your future?
    via u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559
  • 19
    cherryfaairy 4h ago nta, if you're both working full-time, it's fair to share the household responsibilities. teamwork makes things easier for both of you!
    via u/cherryfaairy
  • 20
    vanessafkruger • 5h ago NTA. It's about the stack of chores, not just the single "making dinner" chore. It adds to your workload!
    via u/vanessafkruger
  • 21
    Revolutionary_A... 6h ago. If its "just dinner" why can't he do it?????? His friends are just morons. NTA Another middle path is: he does the clean up. Theres no skill in that.
    via u/Revolutionary_Ad1846
  • 22
    Swampy_63.6h ago PSA FOR YOUNG/ENGAGED PEOPLE READING THIS: Make sure, before you're married, that you talk about the division of labor. It's VERY important. ::getting off my soapbox::
    via u/Swampy_63
  • 23
    Lost-Imagination... • 6h ago • What your husband means is that he views it as "women's work". I bet he doesn't do housework either because that "women's work". Just know that if you have kids, it will be all on you because it's "women's work".
    via u/Lost-Imagination-995

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