'I hope you’re not about to propose to me right now': 21-year-old girlfriend rejects her boyfriends proposal on a Hawaiian beach because he proposed at night instead of during the sunset

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 13, 2024 8:00 PM EST

I've heard so many single friends who have never been in long-term relationships tell me, "If a guy proposes in XYZ way, I will break up with him." For most of them, I'm sure that's an exaggeration. Most couples discuss whether they're interested in public or private proposals before the rock is even purchased, and few people would abandon the love of their life because they get down on two knees like Shane Dawson did. As long as a proposal is romantic and thoughtful, most people would be satisfied.

This situation brings up some fascinating contradictions. The boyfriend proposed in an objectively romantic location, on a beach in Hawaii, but he didn't propose during the sunset, which is when his girlfriend had previously said she wanted the proposal to be. Does not crafting the proposal precisely as his girlfriend envisioned make him a bad boyfriend, or is she asking for too much?

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    Cheezburger Image 10440975360
    via Polina Kuzovkova (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My girlfriend rejected my marriage proposal
    via u/Axelbarillas
  • 03
    For context, My girlfriend(F21) and I(M21)have been together for 6 years, and over thanksgiving weekend I took her on a weeklong trip to Hawai'i with the intention of proposing to her, I even asked her parents for their blessing and showed them the ring a couple days before we left for the trip. We have talked about marriage before and we've both agreed that we want to marry each other, so the idea of it is nothing new and actually a frequent topic.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    The issue is that she wanted a grand wedding proposal similar to the ones you might see on tiktok/instagram; Big "MARRY ME" letters on the beach, rose petals on the ground, lights, mariachi, etc. I was absolutely on board on doing that for her if it made her happy, but that was something to be planned at a beach back at home since I
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    wouldn't have the resources to plan it for a trip to somewhere we've never been, especially because we booked everything as a last minute vacation just 5 days prior, ironically after she sent me videos of people vacationing in Hawaii. I believed this would be a great opportunity though.
    via u/Axelbarillas
  • 06
    I planned to propose to her on the day we arrived. I carried the ring in my pocket all day waiting for a good opportunity to ask her (knowing it wasn't going to be a grand proposal like she had hoped, but I thought because of the circumstances she would be happy)however we had some completely unnecessary arguments and I decided to postpone because I didn't want to do it after a bitter day.
    via u/Axelbarillas
  • 07
    Second day there, we had booked a reservation to go parasailing. I didn't want to risk losing the ring, so I left it back at the hotel. We didn't get back to the hotel until ~5pm and we started getting ready to go back out in the city, by this time it was already starting to get dark. She's said before that she would want a sunset proposal, and knowing that I couldn't organize any of the other things
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    she had in mind for a proposal, the sunset was the only thing I had. I missed my chance on that but we still went out to dinner and drinks. We came back to the hotel afterwards because she was tired (I was too, it was an eventful day). I let her rest for a bit and around 10:30 1 convinced her to go on a night walk with me at the beach.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    This was when I planned to propose to her. We got to the beach, the city was very much still awake and the lights of the buildings and streets combined with the bright moon illuminated the ocean beautifully. We stood there hugging and kissing, both knowing it was a beautiful and intimate moment. I started telling her how much I love her and how I want to be with her my entire
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    life etc. As I started to get on my knee and reaching my pocket for the ring, she stopped me. "I hope you're not about to propose to me right now, this isn't what I expected". My heart dropped, I got back up and stood speechless before starting to walk back to the hotel. I was in no mood to talk about the situation and told her we should talk about it tomorrow.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    We talked about it the next day and she insists on me doing it again, but this time "the right way" during sunset. I tell her I can't do that because she rejected me already. She tells me she didn't reject it, just simply it wasn't how she would have wanted it to happen. We spent the next 4 days in Hawaii in a very tense state but we had to deal with it until we got back home. We live together and for the first night she went to sleep with her parents, now she came back but I don't want to be ho
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    What can be the outcome of the situation? I obviously didn't want this to happen during our vacation, but I can't see it other way. Is this a valid reason for me not wanting to be with her anymore? I also don't think it's right for me to redo the proposal.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    TL;DR: Girlfriend turned down my proposal during our vacation to Hawaii because it didn't fit her idea of a grand proposal, yet insists on me redoing it how she wants it.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    UPDATE: So we had another conversation about it once she came back home from her parents. She's still adamant that I failed to meet her expectations. Admittedly, I understand I didn't do any of the things she had visualized it to be. I want to emphasize that we're young, and the proposals she's seen on social media are nothing but TRENDS. These proposals have become popular in maybe the last year or 2, prior to that she's told she that she wants an intimate proposal and especially away from the
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    People are telling me I'm wrong because I knew exactly what she wanted and didn't do it. She also tells me that a proposal is solely about the female and what she wants. I think that's bulls . I know I've told her that I was on board on doing her fantasy proposal, yet I changed my mind about that. I didn't want to plan this huge thing at my hometown beach just for the spectacle of it, I preferred to do it in a way I knew we'd both enjoy. IN HAWAII ESPECIALLY. Something that really bugs me is she
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    first ever vacation flight together. The same night that happened, we had brunch, went parasailing, and had a wonderful teppenyaki dinner. Am I selfish for changing the whole proposal up without consulting her? I don't understand why some people say I'm selfish for not doing what she wanted, I still did something that objectively should make any woman ecstatic. I think my focus now is shifting from wondering if it's okay for me to break up with her for turning me down, to wanting to break up for
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    Another reason why she said it wasn't up to her expectations was because we were both dressed casually. She wanted me to give her prior notice that something special was going to happen by telling her to get glammed up.
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    NOTE― To the people asking why I couldn't propose the next day at sunset: another requirement for her proposal was for her dog to be there, which she told me that same minute after telling me it's not what she expected. She absolutely adores this dog and has always told me she wants him to be ringbrearer at our wedding-sure thing, if it makes her happy I really don't mind. Issue is she also wanted that to be the case for the proposal, which I was absolutely unaware of (and obviously we didn't ta
    via u/Axelbarillas
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    millieisadog I can't even imagine what she expects for the wedding!
    via u/millieisadog
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    AgentOOX "I wanted a bright sunny day with white fluffy clouds, but there aren't any clouds!!! Let's have the guests come back tomorrow instead so we can do it right!"
    via u/AgentOOX
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    Background-Fact-5422 • 1d ago Yup. If the proposal wasn't up to par, nothing in life will be.
    via u/Background-Fact-5422
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    bluegreentopaz6110 Please. You're 21. Just get out now. She is not mature enough to get married, and preplanned over-the-top romanticism, coupled with snitty attitude when denied it, doesn't bode well for your future. Good luck, the right one is out there.
    via u/bluegreentopaz6110
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    Melodic_Contract8155 We were in Japan. For my proposal everything went wrong. I was devastated about the circumstances but She took my hand and said: Let's say how much we love each other. I took the bait and she even cried. It was perfect.
    via u/Melodic_Contract8155
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    Top-Negotiation1888 • 2d ago • Dude, you took her to HAWAII? And proposed on the beach under the moonlight? And that wasn't good enough? Run.
    via u/Top-Negotiation1888
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    Run quickly, run far. She sounds like she watches too many movies on the hallmark channel. She's high maintenance.
    via u/Top-Negotiation1888
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    You will spend the rest of your life trying to please her and nothing you do will ever be good enough. If she genuinely loved you, none of that circumstantial BS would matter. She should just be excited to spend the rest of her life together with you.
    via u/Top-Negotiation1888
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    Nitrosoft1 Yup, this is the sign of a woman who is going to be divorced 3 times before she's 40, I guarantee it. Her expectations are based on Disney fantasy bulls and she hasn't faced the music yet that reality isn't going to be the same as the fiction she's inundated with from social media. She's not marriage material.
    via u/Nitrosoft1
  • 28
    Mcrose773 • 2d ago man Rejected proposal equals breakup
    via u/Mcrose773
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    rcbs 2d ago • man This makes sense. You've talked marriage. She said no. How you asked was perfect if she actually wanted you. Not the fantasy of you, but actually you. Tell her you aren't sure this is going to work because she didn't want you to propose. It's YOUR DECISION when to offer her commitment. It's her decision to accept it. You are 21. You both need to mature
    via u/rcbs
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    dropaheartbeat • 2d ago I got here thanks to the algorithm, I'm a lady... And I agree fully. She wants the idea, status, and glam of a marriage op she doesn't want to be your partner or share your life with you. You took her on a beautiful holiday and she told you it wasn't good enough. That's how she will be forever. She will turn into an Instagram mum that dresses her kids up and forces photos for likes. Everything is about looking good to others instead of having her own moments.
    via u/dropaheartbeat

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