29-year-old daughter refuses to attend Christmas after family raise price of white elephant gift exchange to $250: 'I started feeling like I was being pushed out of the tradition because of my financial situation'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 19, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Christmas is for many one of the important holidays on the calendar, but there is no denying that it can get pretty darn expensive. Between all the food, travel and/or hosting costs, and perhaps most notably of all, the gifts, it can leave people wondering where they have the money to celebrate. 

For all that this time of year is supposed to involve charity, not everybody likes to take notice of that. This is what one woman felt when her family unexpectedly raised the budget of their traditional white elephant gift exchange to $250 after she experienced a financially difficult year. T

They wouldn't back down despite her protests, and it led to her considering if she should sit out this year's festivities. It is fair to say that the internet had their sympathies and wondered why they required so much money to be spent on a novelty gift.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10443971072
    via Kira auf der Heide

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not attending my family Christmas gathering because I can't afford the $250 white elephant gift?
    via scorpioh2o
  • 03
    My (29F) family has a tradition where we do a big Christmas get-together every year, and the highlight is the white elephant gift exchange. It's always been a fun time, but this year my family decided to raise the price limit to $250 per gift. I'm honestly a little shocked. I get that inflation has hit, but that's a lot of money for one gift, especially for something that's supposed to be fun and quirky, not something super expensive or meaningful. I have a pretty tight budget this year with une
    via scorpioh2o
  • 04
    I started feeling like I was being pushed out of the tradition because of my financial situation. I told her that, honestly, if I can't participate in the gift exchange, then I might not come at all. I didn't want to be the person who has to sit awkwardly and watch everyone else exchange expensive gifts when I couldn't contribute. Plus, I didn't want to feel embarrassed about not meeting their expectations.. My mom thinks I'm being "petty" and that it's "just one gift." My dad says I'm overreact
    via scorpioh2o
  • 05
    There's approximately 18-25 people in my family that will be there, and we are still expected to get gifts for our family members as well. I really don't want to make a big scene or cause drama, but at the same time, I feel like this is a massive financial burden that's being placed on me, and I just don't know if it's worth it to show up and feel out of place... So, aita if I decide to sit this one out? Edit: to clarify $250 is the amount my family "agreed" to when it comes to the cost of the g
    via scorpioh2o
  • 06
    MerlinBiggs NTA. I get it would be very uncomfotable to be the only one who couldn't afford it. Tell your Dad you will come if he gives you the £250.
    via MerlinBiggs
  • 07
    scorpioh2o OP right!! Especially since on top of the white elephant gift, while we're not expected to get gifts for every family member we do also give other gifts.. so I'd be getting that gift on top of a gift for my parents, siblings, grandparents etc.
    via scorpioh2o
  • 08
    Professional Sky5261 I'm confused. How do you 's k up' $250? How can you just help yourself to $250 of someone else's budget? If it's not about the price the why the huge amount? How is $250 the spirit of Christmas? At that point, just make it an even million, because to many, Christmas is pretty priceless. Also, why do you HAVE to participate? Why can't you do what a responsible guest would do and just not be there when the gift exchange happens? OP, you've already stated that other people are
    via Professional_Sky5261
  • 09
    GeekCat "Just put it on a credit card, you'll figure it out." -their parents.
    via GeekCat
  • 10
    LokiCatofMischief If it was about the spirit of Christmas one of OPs family members would lend him the 250 or tell them just bring what he can afford for white elephant. Also isn't the whole idea that white elephant are suppose to be cheap quirky/silly gifts?
    via LokiCatofMischief
  • 11
    Crazyandiloveit If it was about the spirit of Christmas they would do zero gifts... because it's about celebrating Christ's birth (and I am totally not religious). Gift giving comes actually from a Russian Saint called St Nicholas (and that is food like walnuts, clementines etc. and not expensive gifts either) or from the Santa Claus hype that was introduced by Coca Cola to push sales, which has really absolutely nothing to do with "Christmas spirit" but is pure capitalism. I don't mind giving s
    via Crazyandiloveit
  • 12
    Fuzzy Shower4821 NTA. Our family has a rule about gifts: take care of the kids. Adults don't swap gifts, for this EXACT reason. We have very well off individuals and some who are on the paycheck to paycheck struggle. Your family is being dumb, and I would stay home, make my favorite comfort food, and do exactly f all
    via Fuzzy_Shower4821
  • 13
    scorpioh2o OP My fiancés family does the same when it comes to the kids! That's where the magic lies when it comes to Christmas in my opinion... surprising the kiddos with presents. And of course seeing family. Our family has always been pretty big on gifts, and some years some pretty elaborate and expensive gifts have been given but we've never done an exchange with such a high dollar amount. It blows my mind
    via scoprioh2o
  • 14
    Witty_Detail_2573 NTA - thats a shockingly big price tag for Xmas white elephant unless you are a lottery winner! Combined with the fact that you have actual gifts to buy, I'd message the whole family on one group chat and say "I've been advised the gift amount this year for white elephant is $250. I can't afford that so I'm priced out of white elephant this year. Sorry guys. Please take me out of the white elephant list for this year. Have done this on a group chat so no one includes me mistake
    via Witty_Detail_2573
  • 15
    Zlatyzoltan $250 minimum for White Elephant is dumb. The whole fun of white Elephant is look on people's face when they get stuck with the terrible gift.
    via Zlatyzoltan
  • 16
    TheBlueMenace I agree. The best white elephants are the ones which have the really low limits. Once, in a sea of cheap plastic, someone bought a leek. It was a very nice leek, and it was absolutely the most stolen gift. I've also seen a single scratch lotto ticket pass through 5 people, as it was the smallest gift at a picnic and no one wanted to cart a large gift back to their car.
    via TheBlueMenace
  • 17
    MegC18 Look for a $5 gift in a charity shop that could be $250... an "art work" for example.
    via MegC18
  • 18
    essres NTA. $250 is a ridiculous amount to spend on a useless gift We play a card game at Christmas called ' ' that involves stealing wrapped presents from each other but they are the worst things we could find from charity shops with the odd half decent prize. Genuinely hilarious to see people fighting over something that is truly awful Why doesn't your family donate the $5k+ they were going to waste to a homeless shelter or other charity instead
    via essres
  • 19
    meeldtar Stay home, spend a few bucks on having a lovely, peaceful, meal, a few treats, and buy yourself a gift you know you want. Sounds perfect to me! If they want to price family members out of Christmas, they might want to recheck the meaning of Christmas.
    via meeldtar
  • 20
    petulka_1984 NTA - If any situation makes you uncomfortable don't seek it. And if anyone has a problem with you after you've told them why it causes you stress - lack of empathy. 250 dollars for a gift? H_I no! It sounds like extortion. I would probably also stay at home. Either they want you there (and could contribute to your present) or they prefer a present and not the person.
    via petulka_1984
  • 21
    Acceptable_Phrase325 NTA. I had a side of the family growing up that did a 50$ exchange, but people would always go way over and some people would ruin it. Like someone stole a gift once (by the rules of the game) and then asked for the receipt. It was extremely pricey and just tacky to take from someone who wanted it to return it for cash. Other people were extremely ungrateful for gifts. I put a lot of thought into a gift the year I did it for the first and only time and frankly it was disgust
    via Acceptable_Phrase325
  • 22
    And if people cannot participate or something. We do two gifts (as a couple) and always offer one up. My parents also do the same. Your parents and anyone else should be doing the same instead of pressuring you.
    via Acceptable_Phrase325
  • 23
    kimba-the-tabby-lion This is a terrible idea. No one should be exchanging "white elephant" gifts at any price. So much carefully thought through Christmas gifts will end up in landfill, but to buy a gift especially to be awkward is an environmental nightmare. Add the cost, and it's also a financial one. ΝΤΑ
    via kimba-the-tabby-lion
  • 24
    shoef rts666 One time I suggested we switch from buying everyone gifts (parents, siblings, in-laws, 5+ nibblings) and everyone freaked out at me. So, NTA. But I say this as someone who doesn't attend christmases. I honestly think this sh is the opposite of what I want it to be. My therapist got me to day dream about what christmas could be. I made a pinterest board-It's essentially the movie home alone.
    via shoefrts666
  • 25
    CupcakeMurder86 We made a deal with my family and extended family that no gifts unless they are children. At some point we reached a point where we didn't get any valuable gifts to cousins, aunts/uncles. They were just something to wrap up and gift it so the meaning wasn't there. Now we only gift the little kids toys and that's it. Personally, I always take something for the host (a box of chocolates, or a nice cake) that everyone can enjoy. NTA and $250 is a lot of money. The people who say "s_
    via CupcakeMurder86
  • 26
    ShipComprehensive543 NTA - wow, its sad your parents are focused on this and not actually wanting to make everyone feel comfortable.
    via ShipComprehensive543
  • 27
    LaAndala $250 is steep for any gift but for white elephant, where you don't even buy something dedicated for one person, it seems about 10x too much. What are people supposed to steal, dyson vacuums and cappuccino machines? Sounds really unfun, unpractical and wasteful. NTA.
    via LaAndala

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christmas aita presents gift argument family reddit thread Reddit money budget parents
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