28-year-old boyfriend keeps stealing his girlfriend's roommates food, girlfriend refuses to tell him to stop even after roommate insists: 'He’s just comfortable here, it’s not a big deal'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 20, 2024 8:00 PM EST

There are so many different arrangements you can make with your roommates regarding food. When I was in college, I lived with my four best friends, and we bought and shared all of our food equally. It was such a low-stress way of living, but sometimes you chose to sacrifice getting something you wanted from the grocery because everyone else didn't really care for it, and you didn't want to pay extra for it yourself. I think my current arrangement is much more typical of roommates. We all buy our own food, but we share condiments and essentials like eggs (nobody wants four egg cartons in the fridge) and occasionally cook and bake meals for the group. A setup like that benefits everybody, but if someone pushes things too far, it can go sour quickly. That's exactly what the boyfriend of a roommate did in this story despite not paying for any of the food in the house.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10444303872
    via Elisabeth Jurenka (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to share my homemade meals with my roommate's boyfriend?
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 03
    So I (25F) have a roommate, Sara (26F), who recently started dating this guy, Tom (28M). I cook most of my meals from scratch because I enjoy it, and it's cheaper and healthier for me. Sara's fine with it and occasionally I'll share leftovers with her when I make extra, no problem.
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 04
    Lately, though, Tom has started coming over more often—almost daily and has been helping himself to my food. He doesn't ask, doesn't offer to contribute groceries, and never says thank you. I didn't say anything at first because I didn't want to be r de, but last week I came home to find he'd eaten an entire portion of food I'd prepped for my next day's lunch.
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 05
    I finally confronted Sara about it and said I didn't appreciate Tom eating my food. She brushed it off, saying he's just "comfortable here" and that it's "not a big deal." I told her it is a big deal because I budget and plan my meals, and if he's eating my food, it throws everything off. I made it clear I wouldn't be sharing anymore, and I asked her to let Tom know.
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 06
    Fast forward to yesterday—I made a pot of chili, and Tom came over while I was out. When I got back, a big chunk of it was gone. I was furious and told Sara that this was exactly what I was talking about, and it needed to stop. Sara said I was overreacting
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 07
    and called me "stingy" for not sharing food when it's "just a couple of bites" (spoiler: it's not). I told her I'm not her boyfriend's chef and that I don't owe him free meals.
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 08
    Now things are tense, and Sara's acting like I'm the bad guy here. Tom hasn't said anything directly, but I can tell Sara told him because he's been giving me the cold shoulder. I'm starting to feel guilty, but I don't think I'm wrong for wanting boundaries here. AITA?
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 09
    Federal-Wolverine-52 Top 1% Commenter • 3h ago • • NTA, period. Tom sounds like an ah le and a mooch. You SHOULD tell Tom directly that he needs to stop eating someone else's food. You've done nothing wrong. Don't let Tom/Sara quietly act superior, confront them both together and tell them exactly what you have laid out here and that you expect him to behave like a grown adult human and stop stealing food.
    via u/Federal-Wolverine-52
  • 10
    Ok-Abbreviations4510 • 3h ago Sounds like Tom needs to stop being in the apartment at all. You live there and pay rent there. He doesn't. If he is making you uncomfortable he's got to go.
    via u/Ok-Abbreviations4510
  • 11
    GabrielleArcha Also, if it's so comfortable there then Tom should have no problems contributing to groceries.
    via u/GabrielleArcha
  • 12
    HairyRazzmatazz3540 Personally I would just start eating the housemates food
    via u/HairyRazzmatazz3540
  • 13
    Huge-Excitement-8798 Sounds like it is time for laxative in the leftovers.
    via u/Huge-Excitement-8798
  • 14
    CobblerHuge3536 Sara may not be telling Tom not to eat the food, she needs to directly to Tom and explain that she is on a budget and her meals all planed and that food in fridge are not leftovers, please do not eat any of it. If you want something to eat ask Sara to make it using her own ingredients,
    via u/CobblerHuge3536
  • 15
    shammy_dammy Use the ugly words, like steal. He's STEALING your food. Sure, he's comfortable being a THIEF. And now they're both working on you to get their way. NTA. Don't feel guilty, they're manipulating you.
    via u/shammy_dammy
  • 16
    sweethoneyzoe lol NTA for sure. You're not running a free restaurant, and Sara and Tom are straight-up taking advantage of your kindness. "Comfortable" doesn't mean he gets to steal your food. That's what it is―stealing. And it's not just "a couple of bites"; it's your time, effort, and money.
    via u/sweethoneyzoe
  • 17
    Sara brushing it off and calling you stingy is her trying to guilt-trip you into letting her boyfriend mooch off you. Tom giving you the cold shoulder is just him being petty because he got called out.
    via u/sweethoneyzoe
  • 18
    Stick to your boundaries, and maybe consider getting a mini-fridge or locking your food up if this keeps happening. You shouldn't have to, but clearly, these two don't respect you or your space.
    via u/sweethoneyzoe
  • 19
    megatokyofan I'm amazed you've let this slide as long as you have. Tom has no respect for your food, your time, or your money, and Sara's enabling it. You've been more than clear about your boundaries, and if she's still defending him, that's a red flag. You deserve respect in your own home. NTA...Go crazy.
    via u/megatokyofan
  • 20
    JanetInSpain • 3h ago Top 1% Commenter to tell Tom to stop being a First, stop worrying about being ride. YOU NEED TO BE R_DE. You need mooch and that he owes you X for the food he's already STOLEN from you. Do not back down from this. Way too many women are raised to "always be nice" and "don't be r de" and "don't make waves". Yeah... f that sh. Stand up for yourself in no uncertain terms.
    via u/JanetInSpain
  • 21
    JCtheWanderingCrow He's not a mooch he's a thief.
    via u/JCtheWanderingCrow
  • 22
    rbrancher2 Right!? Mooches at least ask
    via u/rbrancher2
  • 23
    SunflowerBreeze23 OP 3h ago For context: I make exactly enough for my meals because I'm on a tight budget. I'm also saving up for a certification exam, so every penny counts. I don't mind sharing once in a while, but Tom is eating multiple meals a week that I can't afford to replace. It's not like he's starving-he just doesn't want to buy his own food because it's "too expensive."
    via u/SunflowerBreeze23
  • 24
    Conscious_Age9209 You literally don't need to explain your situation at all. It's stealing and entitled full stop.
    via u/Conscious_Age9209
  • 25
    Gracelandrocks Speak directly to him "Hey Tom, we need to talk. You're Sarah's guest. Not mine. You need to stop helping yourself to my food. I'm on a tight budget and if you eat my food, I have to go without during the week. Stop eating food that doesn't belong to Sarah or you or I'll have to involve the landlord."
    via u/Gracelandrocks

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boyfriend cook cooking in the kitchen roommate bad roommates reddit story psycho roommate girlfriend kitchen food eating reddit thread Reddit roommates
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