19-year-old daughter and 56-year-old mother clash and can't make-up after mother mixes daughter's makeup : 'She has a history of using my makeup without asking me and 99% of the time she uses products incorrectly and damages them'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 21, 2024 12:00 PM EST

If you don't understand something, it's probably best to seek to gain an understanding of it before undertaking it or using it. This simple concept is a great way to approach all aspects of life—especially if the thing isn't yours. The problem is that people who are older or senior to you tend to think that just because of their position, they don't need to consult with subordinates or those who are lower or younger than them. Unfortunately, time spent on this earth doesn't mean time is used wisely, and people have all sorts of different understandings, interests, and abilities. So this oftentimes isn't even close to being true. 

Parents are often guilty of this with their teenage kids. It's hard to begin to realize and process the fact that your kids might be better than you at something. Parents also tend to think they're entitled to their kids' things because they brought them into this world and that they live in "their" house. Both of these things seem to be coming into play in this story of conflict between mother and daughter.

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    Cheezburger Image 10444974336
    via Fellipe Ditadi For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to let my mom use my makeup products I (19) did my mom's (56) makeup yesterday for fun. She ended up really liking how I was able to cover up her dark spots and asked me what I used. I told her it was a color corrector that I bought in Korea.
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    She then asked me to explain it to her, because she "wanted to use it from now on too". I went through and explained how each color is meant to "correct" another (basically just told her I used the peachy color to correct her dark spots).
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    She then says "I'm going to use it tomorrow before I leave for church in the morning." I tell her "PLEASE wake me up and have ME put it on you." I was extremely nervous about this because she has a history of using my makeup without asking me and 99% of the time she uses products incorrectly and damages them. So, I told her I'd rather she not use mine at all but if she insisted, to have me there to make sure my products that I she doesn't f paid for.
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    As I'm going to bed, I consider hiding my color corrector before sleeping so that no matter what she won't use it without my supervision. However, I decide to trust her and go to bed. The morning rolls around and I wake up to see her already rummaging through my products in my room. I say "??? Did you already use my color corrector?? " and she says "yeah!"
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    I bolt up and look at it and am horrified to find that she's done everything I was scared she'd do. She didn't know how much of the product to use, so she overshot and now there are two humongous craters in the product. She also MIXED the two colors that are in the product. The green is supposed to counteract redness and the peach is supposed to counteract dark spots- she mixed both together so now the entire product is just this ugly, muddy mess.
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    I asked her why she used it when I explicitly told her 100 times to make sure I was awake and supervising her, and she told me that she tried to wake me up and I didn't respond, so she just went ahead and used it. I said, "if I didn't respond, then you should have PUT IT DOWN???? How am I supposed to use this now??????" And she told me I was overreacting and to hurry up and give her more of my products before she left.
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    I told her to get out of my room and kicked her out. She yelled at me, saying that I was overreacting over nothing and slammed my door on her way out.
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    I spent the morning crying in frustration. It's not like she was asleep while I did her makeup with the color corrector, SHE SAW ME USE IT AND LITERALLY HAD ME EXPLAIN IT. Never once did I even touch the green colored corrector, so why did she go and mix them??? Not to mention, can't she see the product clearly has the color separated into their own sections? You can SEE from the fact there is no mixing that I've used this product intentionally not mixing the colors...SO WHY WOULD SHE THINK THAT
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hle: 1. Got mad at my mom for using my makeup without permission and kicked her out of my room 2. I could BTA because it's just makeup, she didn't do it with malicious intent, and she technically did try to wake me up
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    ScatterbrainedGenius 9h ago • . NTA. She needs to pay you back the cost of everything she ruined (because it sounds like she wouldn't know what to buy to replace it) and unfortunately you're going to have to keep all of your makeup in a bag that stays in your room or somewhere she can't find it.
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    It might help to go to the beauty store together and have an employee there explain and demo color correctors for her, and she can buy one for herself with her own money if she likes it. Maybe hearing the proper way to use a product like that from another adult that isn't her daughter would stick a bit better? Either way, she isn't entitled to your belongings that you bought and paid for, and she needs to learn that.
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    • dragonetta123 9h ago • I cringe on your behalf about the mixing colours in the palette and incorrect use. I, too, would be p ed if anyone handled my very expensive makeup that way (I'm fussy over brands). Is it a case of you only need to scrape off the top mixed bit of the colour, or is it a creamier colour corrector that she went overkill on and is not salvageable?
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    Your mum crossed a boundary that you are allowed to have. So for not letting your mum use your makeup NTA. You probably need to clear the air chat as acting out of anger wasn't great either. When doing that, remind your mum it isn't recommended to share makeup for hygiene reasons.
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    oliviamrow 8h ago. • NTA, your mother deliberately broke her word to you and used your stuff, which she had no right to. She basically stole from you, and on top of that she ruined the product and is now responsible for making you whole, i.e. replacing your cosmetics. These are basic lessons that young children are able to understand.
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    If you live with her: buy a lock box and keep your products in there so she doesn't bust into them in the future; there are even makeup-specific boxes with key locks. (And also try to move out as soon as you can.) If you're just visiting, keep a luggage lock and keep your stuff locked up.
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    Either way, when she inevitably gets mad because you locked her out of your stuff, remind her that this is the consequence of her actions. You can't treat her like a trusted adult if she insists on acting like a greedy child.
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    busyshrew ⚫8h ago • As a mom, I would never consider using my daughter's stuff. I have mine, she has hers. It's one of the first rules of makeup hygiene - you do NOT SHARE PRODUCTS. I've drilled that into my own daughter's head. That way lies possible cross- infections!
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    I'm sorry this happened to you OP. It's especially hard because as the daughter you have far less power than your mother. So it is super difficult. My advice is, if the products are ruined, just give them to your mother, and tell her "they are yours now, I can't use them". Ignore any yelling from her, or attempts to diminish your feelings in this regard. Just stay as calm as you can. Ask her politely to help cover the cost of replacement. Maybe not 100%, but at least 50%. She's basically bought
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    If she doesn't help, well, there honestly is likely not much you can do, except from this point forward, get a lockbox and don't share with your mom. Consider it a very hard and bitter lesson learned. Sorry you had to go through this OP.
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    Vivid_Ad_895 • 9h ago • NTA Yikes, your mom doesn't respect other people's things at all; you offered to do it for her too. Yea nta she needs to learn to respect your stuff and how you want to share it.
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    creepygirl420 • 8h ago • I'm sorry but is your mother an idiot?? I'm trying to understand her thought process here and it makes absolutely no sense... has she never owned makeup in her life? Why on earth would you go and destroy it like that? I have so many questions... NTA
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    • SATerp 8h ago She owes you new makeup, and put a lock on your door.
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