17-year-old daughter declines a ‘girly day’ at the spa with her stepmother, who has made it her mission to demonize her bio mom: ‘[She] said she'd make me join’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Dec 27, 2024 11:00 PM EST

For many younger children, it's difficult to deal with the trials and tribulations that are included in their parents' divorce. On the one hand, you hope that your children will get along with the next romantic partner in your life, but on the other, you need to understand that you can't force a bond that doesn't exist.

The only way to remedy a situation like this is to allow your children the time to adjust to their new parental figures if they even view your new partners as such. At the end of the day, they only know their biological parents as "mom" or "dad" and they might not want another figure in their lives thinking they can tell them what to do or that the kids owe them anything beyond surface-level respect. It might not be the way you wanted things to turn out, but kids need just as much respect for their feelings as anyone else.

I feel for the 17-year-old girl in this next story. No matter what, the stepmother tries to undermine her biological mother. Because of this, she's left a sour taste in the teen's mouth and now, it's coming back to bite her. Instead of a "girly day" at the spa, she got told the hard truth. Scroll to read.

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    because she's not my second mom or my third parent and I don't like her attitude or the way she tries to compete with and push mom out. She got so mad and dad came home as she
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)
  • 02
    AITA for telling my stepmom she's not as important after refusing to recreate a girly family day with her?
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    My parents are divorced and share custody of me (17f) and my three younger brothers (16, 14 and 13). My mom has a boyfriend she's been with forever and my dad
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    remarried a year and a half after the divorce. My stepmom was always jealous of the fact we love our mom so much and me and my brothers didn't count her as our second
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    mom or an equal parent to mom and dad. She's also jealous that we get along so well with our mom's boyfriend even though he only moved in with us a year ago, even
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    though we knew him for 7 years and he was always such a cool guy. My stepmom hates my mom so much for us loving mom that it makes us dislike our stepmom.
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    We try to stay respectful for dad. But we have told him we have issues with her attitude and she got a little better after he talked to her. We can still see her anger and hatred for
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    mom in how she looks at mom and how she reacts to mom being present. My stepmom came to every single school play and sports game or whatever we did and
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    would always try to be the first to get to us. She'd try to stop us getting to mom first or she'd try to get seats. closer to the front than mom. One time she actually yelled at my
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    youngest brother for running past her to go and see mom after his school play and mom told dad about it and dad told stepmom to never do it again. And she didn't but again it ped her off.
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    My paternal grandma doesn't like my stepmom because every year on Mother's Day since she and dad got married, she calls my grandma and about my mom to
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    her and how Mother's Day should be about the two of them. Grandma told me about it last year when I pushed her for why she didn't like her. She told me she felt like my stepmom would have
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    happily seen mom abandon us so she could pick up the pieces and play the hero mom who stepped up role. In my eyes my stepmom has always been my dad's wife and not my
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    third or equal parent and if my parents were gone I would rather live with my mom's boyfriend than her even though I lived with her and not with him. I told my grandma that and
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    she wasn't surprised because mom's boyfriend was never intense about trying to bond with us. He took it easy and was just a cool guy. My grandma gets along with mom stuff and she
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    gets along with granny (maternal grandma) too. So when I won this spa thing for a Mother's Day competition, I asked if the three of them wanted to do something together and they said yes and
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    then the three of them organized a whole day of it since it wasn't actual Mother's Day. It was great and they did similar stuff with each of my brother's on different days thinking it was a great idea. Then
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    grandma joined us all for Mother's Day stuff on Mother's Day. My stepmom found out about the girly day on Facebook a few weeks ago and she was upset she wasn't included.
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    Apparently she bitched to grandma about it and blamed my mom. She then approached me a couple of weeks ago and told me she wanted to do the same thing with her, me, grandma and her
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    mom. I told her I wasn't interested and she told me I have to. That I have two mom's and another grandma I never claim and I need to start treating everyone the same. I told her I only
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    have one mom and two grandma's, She didn't like that and said she'd make me join and she said she doesn't feel as important when I don't do that stuff with her and how I should make her feel important. I
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    got mad and told her she's not as important and she has to learn to accept that because she's not my second mom or my third parent and I don't like her attitude or the way she
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    tries to compete with and push mom out. She got so mad and dad came home as she was yelling. I packed up my stuff and went home to mom and told dad I wasn't coming anymore because I couldn't deal with his wife.
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    She texted me a bunch and I had to block her but basically she was saying I was a cruel and a heartless and a bu y. AITA?
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    BabeVibes22 • 8h ago I mean, who knew family dynamics could rival a soap opera? Next episode: Stepmom vs. Grandma in the Battle of the Spa Day!
    via BabeVibes22
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    eve_tpa • 7h ago • How old is this woman? She sounds exhausting NTA, you should sit down to talk with both her and your dad present "I have a mom, and the fact that you try to replace her makes me dislike you"
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    SkylarNguyen • 7h ago NTA. It sounds like your stepmom is trying to force a bond that just isn't there, and you're allowed to set boundaries. She needs to understand that you don't. owe her the same relationship you have with your mom.
    via SkylarNguyen

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family drama dads stepmother marriage entitlement stepmom moms reddit story family feud remarried entitled family reddit thread family relationships Reddit step daughter children
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