“They’re not my grandchildren”: Woman refuses to allow stepdaughter’s children from calling her grandma, then laments that her bio kids never conceived, angering her stepdaughter

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 9, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. These days, mixed families are more common than ever, and that's not a bad thing. Though it's difficult to cope with and maneuver, if one handles it with maturity and care, you can end up with close relationships to people you never expected you'd have in your life. Stepchildren should still be seen as your own children if you remarry. You wouldn't want to fall into the category of evil stepmother or mean mother-in-law, would you? Though there are plenty of people who are great mothers, stepmothers, and mother-in-laws, the role of "mom" has been distorted so many times by fairytales and film shows alike. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman who's in a spat with her stepmother. When she had her first daughter, her stepmother told her flat out that she didn't want the child calling her "grandma," that she would refer to her by her own name. This woman was under the assumption that her biological children would choose to have kids, but alas, they didn't. Now she's older and has no chance of fulfilling this role of being a grandmother, the one she turned down years ago. 

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  • 01
    "I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THEIR GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE SAME"
    via @halfpoint / Canva
  • 02
    AITA for reminding my Step-mother that she chose to not be a grandmother?
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  • 03
    My father married my Step- mother when I was 20. She had two young teenagers at the time who I have always referred to as my step-siblings, but because of our ages and never living with them, we were never particularly close, although we get along just fine. When I was 30, I had my first
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  • 04
    child and I asked her what she wanted to be called by my son and she did not want to be any form of "grandmother", just wanted to be called by her first name (let's call her Nancy).
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    She really did make the decision in the first place. Maybe she should have asked her own children if they planned on having kids of their own, and then maybe she wouldn't be in this situation. 

  • 05
    My three children are now young adults and have never really had much of a relationship with Nancy aside from as Gramps's wife. Everyone gets along fine, she has just never treated them as grandkids. Her choice. Over the years, she has said how she can't wait to be a grandmother,
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  • 06
    it's her dream. My step-siblings (Nancy's children) are both in committed, long term relationships and have both chosen to not have children.
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  • 07
    I am now 53, re-married to a great guy with two children of his own (young adults). The oldest is getting married soon and can't wait to have kids. We were all chatting about this at Christmas and I mentioned that I couldn't wait to be a grandma, talking with my step-daughter about what her mom wants to be called,
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  • 08
    what I'll be called, etc. My kids consider their step-sibs family, and vice versa. We rarely even use the "step" part. I will treat all my grandkids the same, whether they are technically my step- grands or not.
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  • 09
    Anyway, later in the day I walked into the room where Nancy and my step-daughter were chatting and overheard Nancy say how devastated she is that she never had any grandchildren and how it was the thing she had always dreamed of. My step-daughter said "I'm confused, don't you have 3?" Nancy responded and
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  • 10
    said "no, they're not mine, they're my husband's". At that point, I spoke up and said "they could always have been yours too, but you didn't want to be their grandma". Nancy didn't say much, just "I know, but it's not the same." I then just told my step-daughter that it was all the same to me and she hugged me.
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    It seems like the protagonist has a great relationship with her children, stepchildren, and grandchildren. It's a telltale sign of someone's inner world when they have good relationships with the people around them. 

  • 11
    The next day, my dad called and said that I hurt Nancy's feelings and that I should have said something way sooner if I wanted the kids to call her a form of grandma. I responded that it wasn't an issue for me, it was her choice. I was just pointing out that she could have had the role and she chose not to, but that it
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  • 12
    hurt me that she now complains that she never had any grandchildren. Just a difference of opinion, I guess? AITA here? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? I hate that I hurt her feelings, but I wanted to be clear to my (step)daughter that I didn't share the same feelings. My dad says that Nancy felt I was rude for
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  • 13
    "calling her out" but I think I was just defending how it played out and how I hope it plays out differently with my family. AITA?
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  • 14
    Turmeric_Ping NTA. Nancy made her choices and now she regrets them. If it's uncomfortable for her to be reminded of that, it's on her to deal with it.
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  • 15
    BerryMonstah NTA. Nancy made her bed when she chose to be "First Name Only" instead of Grandma. It's not rude to remind her of that choice when she's rewriting history for sympathy points. If Nancy's feelings are hurt,
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  • 16
    that's between her and the mirror, not you.
    via u/BerryMonstah
  • 17
    Baby Doll Small NTA. You were just being real. Nancy made her choice years ago not to be called grandma, so it's hard to hear. her regret something she had control over. You weren't rude, just pointing out the truth, especially in front of your step-daughter.
    via u/Baby Doll Small
  • 18
    It's not wrong to feel hurt when she talks about not having grandkids, knowing she chose that path. Hopefully, this opens up a better conversation with her and your dad. Don't stress over this sweetie
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  • 19
    Longjumping Pl... Ha, this was my mom, I'm the black sheep of the family cut me off for getting pregnant too young (21) Saying she was too young to be a grandma and didn't speak to me for 15years. Now she's all I can't wait for
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  • 20
    Now she's all I can't wait for Grandbabies my Golden Child Sis has decided she's child free - Suck it Shirley
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  • 21
    Safe Perspectiv... NTA, Guess Nancy shouldn't have brought it up if she couldn't handle the cold- hard truth.
    via u/Safe Perspectiv

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