13-year-old stepdaughter constantly lies about everything, leaves her 6-year-old, 4-year-old, and 6-month old siblings unattended and runs away for 6 hours: 'She to this day won't tell us where she was'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 11, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Kids lie about a lot of things. I would wager that most of the lies that kids tell are because they're trying not to get in trouble. If your mom asks you, "Why were you and your girlfriend in your car in the Dollar General parking lot for 45 minutes?" you better answer, "We were shopping for Cosmic Brownies and eating them in the car." No person, whether they're a kid, teen, or adult, really wants to tell a person with authority over them any news that will get them in trouble. Eventually, you do have to grow up and realize that lying to avoid someone yelling at you is not the way to go unless you're in actual danger. 

The kind of lying that I can't really understand is compulsive lying. Why would you instinctively lie about what you ate for breakfast this morning? What kind of value is there in that? 

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    Cheezburger Image 10452777984
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  • The teen at the center of this story will lie about any and everything. She lies about inconsequential things, lies to cause chaos, and lies for the sole purpose of inconveniencing her stepmother. After two severe lying incidents that caused her stepmother a lot of stress, she took to the internet to find solutions to this problem. 

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    AITAH for telling my husband that he would be responsible for his daughter from now on?
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    So my stepdaughter is about to be 13yrs. She has primarly lived with us since she has been 5 1/2. Over the years I have loved her and treated her like she was my daughter. Even after having kids of my own I never treated her differently.
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    Over the last year she has started becoming a habitatual liar. She lies about stupid stuff and big stuff. Examples of things she's lied about: feeding the dog, who she's talking to, where she's met people at, if she did her chores, crushes as school. She's even made completely made up situations like being kissed, asked out, getting in fights. All things we have caught her lying about
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    and she will continue to lie to us until the proof is in her face. The biggest thing is earlier in December she took my little one downstairs and offered to watch him and my two younger one while I slept a little in the morning (I work night and my husband was at work) She asked what time I was getting up and I told her 9am which was in like 30 min. I wake up and she was
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    GONE. Her and the dog were gone. My 6 month old was in his bouncer crying and my daughter (6yrs) got my dishsoap and smeared it all over the bathroom and then locked herself in there when she heard me coming. My son (4yr) said she took the dog for a walk. She has no cell phone. I got the situation at home taken care of and she still wasn't home. I realized it's been an hour and I
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    Cheezburger Image 10452782336
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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    go out and start looking for her. We live in a small town. I searched for 3hrs. My husband finally leaves work in a panic and we search and called the police. A search and rescue dog finally found her. It took us 6 hrs to finally find her. She to this day won't tell us where she was at. Fast forward to today. She said she her stomach has been hurting for 2 days. She's thrown
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    up once and had diarrhea. None of which happened while my husband and I were around. I just got over a cold, sinus infection, stomach bug and kidney infection. So I feel bad and take her to the pedactric quick care. On the way there i tell her if she is faking just to tell me so I don't waste time and gas to drive her. It's my last day before I have to go back to work and I need to
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    HENRY SCHEIN™ MATC Welch Allyn FlexiPort Reusable Bid Pressure Cuff ADULT 11 13 12 11 10 7 1 25-34cm
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    get somethings done. She tells me no she really is in pain. Tells the doctor the same. But In the waiting she is laughing and talking normal. That doc suggests us to go to the ER bevause of how much pain she is in. Now in the ER and ruled out appendicitis and again laughing and talking just fine and come to find out she has been EXAGGERATING how much pain shes in and I'm stuck
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    waiting in this hospital for xrays and test results. My husband can't switch me cause he has no gas and he we had to drive 30 min into town to come to this doctor. I am literally about to cry. I'm so mad. I told my husband he can deal with everything with her from now on. All discipline, appointments, parent teacher conferences and everything. He thinks I'm overwhelmed and
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    going to far. I married him and she was part of the package. So am I the Ahole for telling him this? EDIT: I'd like to clarify somethings. First she is already. scheduled for therapy. It took a minute to get her set up and we had to wait for the new year but her appointment is set for next week. Secondly I wouldn't be
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    ignoring her or completely erasing her from my life. I just wanted my husband to deal with everything I've been dealing with. I work full time and still do everything for the kids. He is currently not working bevause he lost his job when the missing for 6hrs thing happened. I was hoping if I passed the torch on appointments and parent conferences and discipline ect
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    then he'd understand my frustration and help me.l haso texted this to him and did not say it in front of her. I have always advocated for her. I got her into therapy, I got her a dog hoping she'd feel loved by something if for some reason she didn't feel loved by us, I got her help in school when she was struggling. None of these things would be done if I was not here supporting
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    her in the ways I can. I'm frustrated cause it's escalating and wasting time, money, jobs ect. Regardless I'd always love her. I'm not heartless or "washing my hands clean" Thirdly, she doesn't really have anything we can take away. We can't afford sports or extracurricular activities, she doesn't have a phone or computer, the TV I'd about what we can take away and we have.
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    We even increased her chores list after the stunt with the dog. I've had countless conversations with her. 1 on 1 time. Dad is here and means well but he doesn't take the time with any of the kids and isn't really emotionally available. And mom comes in and out. Sees her on holidays and maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Not super present and is by HER choice. She is the one that left her and
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    willingly signed that my husband could have sole custody.
    via u/Technical-Door5443
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    ForestDreamer2 • 14h ago It sounds like you're completely overwhelmed and doing your best to manage a tough situation. Your husband needs to step up and share the parenting responsibilities, especially since she's his biological daughter.
    via u/ForestDreamer2
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    ellegpb2391 • 13h ago It's only fair for her husband to take on more responsibility, considering this is his daughter. Parenting should be a partnership. This might even be because she's seeking more attention from the dad.
    via u/ellegpb2391
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    410Writer Absolutely not. Your stepdaughter is testing boundaries, and it's clear you've been carrying the mental, emotional, and physical load of raising her for years. You're not the bad guy for finally saying, “Enough.” This isn't about abandoning her; it's about your husband stepping up to his responsibilities as her father. You didn't sign up to be a one-woman parenting team.
    via u/410Writer
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    Her lying, sneaking out, and this latest stunt at the ER isn't just "teenager stuff"...it's a cry for structure and discipline. And right now, your husband's laissez-faire attitude is leaving you to clean up the mess, literally and figuratively. You're allowed to set boundaries, especially when your efforts aren't being respected. Tell your husband to stop being a passenger in parenting and take the wheel. You're not her punching bag.
    via u/410Writer
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    PeaceLoveAndZombiez I would say it's not really testing boundaries. It's attention seeking behavior. Because look what happens every time she lies everyone drops everything that they're doing and focuses all of their attention on her.
    via u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez
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    There's three other kids that are very young and get more attention than a 13-year-old would get. Honestly, this kind of feels normal. She just found a life hack. It's just a really one.
    via u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez
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    Ojilliano I have been this 13 year old girl and have done similar things. Dad needs to be more involved for sure. She doesn't know it right now but she's looking for him to parent her, spend time with her, give her attention. Everything I did as a teen was to get my dad's attention because he'd just
    via u/0jillian0
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    remarried and they had a kid together. Also is her bio mom in the picture? Either way therapy would also be good for her. It's tough navigating where you fit into your dad's life when he has a wife that's not your mom and other kids. Op you're doing all the right things but she still needs you as a parent too. Don't give up on her!
    via u/0jillian0
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    Beyarboo Leaving a baby and a toddler unattended is not normal behavior. Would you have said the same if something had happened to one of the kids while she left them alone? She is absolutely old enough to know that is dangerous. This goes beyond attention seeking and well beyond normal teenage behavior.
    via u/Beyarboo
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    kgreys This sounds like, if left un-treated, will turn into anti-social personality disorder. She is well on her way.
    via u/kgreys
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    friendlily After the stunt she pulled endangering your other kids, herself, and the dog, that would have been the final straw. You and your husband need couple's/parenting counseling and she needs intensive therapy. If he is not immediately willing to step up and do his fair share, and make serious changes of setting boundaries and consequences for her behavior, I would take the other kids (and dog) and leave them to it. NTA
    via u/friendlily
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    maggietaz62 Agree. I'm a support worker and the first person I worked with was a 15 year old female who was removed from her family because she became a danger to them. Compulsive liar, some of the stories she made up were ridiculous, workers driving around at all hours of the evening trying to find her and numerous trips to the hospital because she said she was ill, fell off her horse, drank some bleach or some other bulls
    via u/maggietaz62
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    Construction No9678 I have to wonder what kind of consequences she got (and especially how the husband treated her) after she ran off in December. It sounds like OP is around the kid more, but he still needs to do his job as a parent when he is home. Honestly, her going missing for 6 hours and refusing to tell what happened would probably be enough for me to get her into therapy on its own. OP doesn't specify if the kid is talking to
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
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    older people or not, but if she's already lying about who she's talking to then she easily could have met the wrong person and gotten into big trouble. The problem with being a habitual liar is that regardless of what she says, now her parents won't think it's the truth.
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
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    • WeisserGeist ⚫ 14h ago NTA, but OP... this is giving me some serious "there's something seriously wrong with this kid" vibes. The lies and secrecy are really concerning, and I've seen this kind of behaviour in kids experiencing serious trauma. I'd be worried about grooming, assault, buying and things of that nature. Something is really wrong, and she needs help. Her father needs to take this seriously and step up.
    via u/WeisserGeist

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parents of teens teens family drama stepmother liar step parents teenager teenagers stepmom lying liars stepdaughter raising teens dad family Father
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