Woman fed up with incompetent husband after he feigns illness to get out of taking their son to the doctor, she contemplates divorce but he accuses her of being too harsh

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  • 01

    AITAH for wanting to leave my (32F) husband (38M) because I can't deal with the weaponized incompetence anymore?

    "If you're so sick, then how could you clean the whole house?
  • 02
    This is one example from today. He has done things much worse than this and does them regularly. I feel like i have a third son, not a partner anymore.
  • 03
    I had my son (2m) booked for an audiology appointment this morning at 8am. I was rostered to work so told my husband he had to take him to the appt, and then drop both our boys at daycare. Not hard he works away in the - mines so I do things like that all the time, as I'm sure you all do too.
  • 04
    I woke up at 6am for work today, go in and wake him up so he's running on time and get hit with "omg, I'm so sick, I'm sweating, I've got a sore ear, I've been up every hour" So I say "Oh that's no good, well once the kids are at daycare by 9am you can come back to bed all day!" To be met with no, absolutely not, I'm too
  • 05
    18
  • 06
    sick. You have to take the kids to daycare. He hadn't taken any panadol, ibuprofen, ANYTHING. Just flat out refused.
  • 07
    Sooo he not only makes our boy miss an important appt, but then also makes me late for work because I normally wake up at 5am to get the kids and I ready and fed when I do daycare drop off before work when he's not here.
  • 08
    I text him saying if I get home and he's not dying in bed, he'll wish he was de d He texts back saying "I'm so sorry I hate letting you down I'm seriously unwell"
  • 09
    I ignore him for the rest of the day Get home from work He's not here!!! I ring him, he's at shops buying groceries because we "have no food". Hes also cleaned the house spotless out of guilt. Well darn that must be one of the quickest recoveries ever made!
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  • 11
    I just can't deal with the weaponised incompetence anymore □
  • 12
    He thinks I'm being harsh and unfair. I think he's taking the actual and honestly have thought of pulling the pin. What's your thoughts? Am I just being a nag?
  • 13
    Physical_Ad5135 NTA. But why did you take them to daycares? Drop the kids onto the bed with dad and drive off. He either decides to take them to daycare or they are with him for the day. Bet he would
  • 14
    have mustered up the strength to drive them to daycare pretty darn quick.
  • 15
    Ma... He did it deliberately and then realised how far he had pushed you and so went through the motions of housework and shopping so you wouldnt have the right to be angry. He;ll throw this back in your face for the next few weeks.
  • 16
    Jolly-Bandicoot7162 You were too kind. I'd have left for work on time and left the kids with him to get to daycare. A quick lesson in how parents have to still crack on with it even when they are ill. Although his illness seemed more like a case of the lazies.
  • 17
    NTA. You can't rely on your partner for the absolute basics and your life would be easier without him.
  • 18
    RazzmatazzOk9463 That's not weaponised incompetence. He's just an a hole. He'll hold the fact that he did housework over your head for ages. If he was on him mine rotation would he still have gone to work?
  • 19
    The fact that he cleaned the house and went food shopping says yes. It seems He just doesn't respect or give a sh about you.
  • 20
    LambentDream Stuff like this is what annoys the sh out of women sometimes. Some have more patience than others in rising irritation.
  • 21
    If you're afab, periods are a thing you just have to "deal" with. So you get used to pain hitting when you wake up or mid day, as well as tending to messiness, maybe nausea, maybe a mood swing, it varies.
  • 22
    But you get used to: taking a pain reliever, using supplies to reduce mess, taking an anti nausea med, biting your tongue, etc. You get up, you take your meds, you get on with your day. Yeah, you feel like varying levels of crop, but the world
  • 23
    and your life won't be stopping just because of that.
  • 24
    ...and then you come across amab folk like this. Some discomfort, pain, a cold, etc launches and the world comes to a screeching halt.
  • 25
    Like my dude, take some dayquil, have a warm shower, take some deep breaths, brace, and get on with your day.
  • 26
    You aren't expected to ignore your aches, pain, discomfort, you're just expected to be an adult and do something about them. for yourself and push through when it's important. - like taking your kid to a doctors appointment or making sure rent is covered. NTA
  • 27
    StrawberryKittz So his illness magically cured itself when it was time to shop, huh? Amazing how selective his symptoms are. Sounds like you've got three kids, two in daycare and one who's great at pretending to di when it's inconvenient.

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