Lawyer woman refuses to help her family for free after they treated her like the black sheep growing up, they accuse her of being selfish, but she stands her ground

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 16, 2025 2:00 PM EST

No one likes to feel like the black sheep of the family. When I was growing up, I didn't feel ostracized or anything, but you could say I felt a bit like the black sheep. I never felt like I got along with people in my town, I couldn't understand their values, and I always felt a little different from my family. I grew up in a materialistic suburb of California, one where the "cool" thing was going to the mall for the most mainstream and trending clothing, or soccer moms bragging about which university their kid got into. Sometimes when something isn't working out for you, you have to leave it. Even if it's "home," or "family." Everyone has to do best for themselves, whatever that means for them.

In this story, the narrator is a woman who always felt like the black sheep in her family. She was more shy, introverted, and intellectual compared to her parents and siblings. She didn't like sports, or the hot weather, or going outside much. Her family never seemed to support her in her scholastic endeavors, which ultimately led her to have low contact with them. Now they sporadically show up throughout her life asking for free help.

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  • 01

    AITAH for not giving my relatives free legal services as a lawyer because they’ve always treated me as the black sheep

    "They never called for years, why should I help them now?"
    via WilliamCho from pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Hi Reddit. My family is currently upset with me and I don't think I'm in the wrong.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 03
    I grew up in a town in Florida. No one in my family ever went to college. The general mindset in my family is to live life in the moment. Everyone's pretty outgoing. My parents are part of Mardi Gras crews, my siblings all played sports. They're generally a fun bunch. But I never really fit in.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10454593536
    via Nodar Chernishev from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    As I kid I liked to read, and I focused really hard on school. I hated going outside, and I especially hate the heat. I played chess, and was on the debate team. My family all kind of gave me sh for all of this. They never really made an effort to do things I enjoy, but my parents loved to go to my siblings sports games.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 06
    They wouldn't come to my debates. It was the same for all of my cousins, and other extended family.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 07
    As I got older I focused on my education and my career. I've drifted apart from my family. They only call me when they want something at this point in my life. I'm now happily married, and I have my own practice as a family law attorney. My husband is a judge in the neighboring county.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074

  • Sounds like a pretty uncomfortable home life. 

  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10454593792
    via oleksandrbedenyuk

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Over the last few years I've had several extended relatives reach out to me for legal help or questions. I always brush them off and tell them I'm too busy. I don't feel obligated to help because once again, they only reach out to me because they want something from me.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 10
    Recently though my sister lost custody of her kids to her ex husband. Apparently her lawyer was not so great, so now she only has every other weekend. My sister has a messy past that was drug into court.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 11
    My older sister called me begging me to represent her for free and help her get her kids back. I was honest with her, I don't even know her kids and I don't really care if she has them or not. I pointed out that she hasn't called me in years, and yet now she's asking for me to do her a massive
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 12
    favor, for free. I told her no. My mother called me to shame me, for not helping my sister, and for not helping any of my other relatives when they've asked.
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 13
    I asked her when was the last time any of them called me even just to see how I'm doing. I pointed out that my cousin is a landscaper. He could've offered to do yard work for me in exchange for legal services, but instead he just called me up asking for free help. My sister
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074
  • 14
    could've offered something, or at least asked to pay me back later, but instead she expects free work. Which isn't even free, seeing as I have an office to pay for, paralegals to pay, bills to pay. I kind of went off on her, and she ended up just hanging up the phone on me. AITAH?
    via u/Weak_Fish_5074

  • Her sister didn't call for years?? And she's never met her nieces and nephews? 

  • 15
    dreamybabygirl2 • 5h ago Your family only calls you when they need a lawyer, but they expect you to be their free legal superhero? Sounds like they're trying to draft you into the 'Family Law League' without any membership dues!
    via u/dreamybabygirl2
  • 16
    jrm1102 5h ago NTA they want to take - advantage of you. Good on ya for putting a stop to this.
    via u/jrm1102
  • 17
    Such Guide2828 • 4h ago NTA, as an attorney, I don't represent family members as a rule. (There are many solid ethical reasons not to represent family members and it makes life easier generally.)
    via u/Such Guide2828
  • 18
    The only thing I would do differently is to not have given a reason other than, "I don't represent family members." You probably needed to say something after years of being excluded, and I can understand that, so no, NTA.
    via u/Such Guide2828
  • 19
    And: seriously, consider making it a personal policy not to represent family members because it's completely okay to close that door.
    via u/Such Guide2828
  • 20
    xanthanos 5h ago NTA sadly it is very - common for family to feel entitled to what you do or can do for them. My family is similar and I empathize with you. Do not cave, these people, while family, are emotional terrorists. Do not
    via u/xanthanos
  • 21
    negotiate with them and do not cave.
    via u/xanthanos
  • 22
    lapsteelguitar • 5h ago "I'm not familiar with that element of the law, but I can refer you to somebody...." NTA
    via u/lapsteelguitar

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