Woman's mother-in-law obsessively insists that she and fiancé look and act too similar, "like siblings," brings family tree to holiday event to "prove" that they're distantly related

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 19, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Bonjour, gossiping goddesses. Mother-in-laws, man. I personally have an amazing relationship with my soon-to-be MIL. She collects handcrafted European witch dolls, and as an artist, I find myself making her all sort of witch-related gifts for all occasions. In return, she makes me delicious food and showers me with tons of love. However, not everyone has such an ideal relationship with their partner's mother. The overbearing, conniving MIL trope is a thing for a reason. Many mothers may not take well to a young woman trying to "steal" their son from them and find all sorts of ways to drive a wedge in the relationship. 

In our story today, one such jealous mother-in-law meddles in her stepson's relationship by making weird, obsessive comments about his similarities to his fiancée, strongly implying that they must be related. She goes so far as to investigate into their family lineage and presents her findings at a family gathering. Get all the details of this strange story by scrolling down. 

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  • 01

    AITA for wanting to call off my wedding because my fiancé's stepmother keeps insisting we're siblings?

    "She started pushing the idea that Daniel and I are not just fiancé and fiancé, but rather brother and sister in some kind of spiritual or emotional sense."
    via Syda Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, I (23F) am engaged to my fiancé, Daniel (24M). He's the son of a very wealthy businessman, and to be honest, I come from a much more humble background. We met a few years ago at a mutual friend's party and hit it off immediately. We have a ton in common-same sense of humor, similar
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 03
    ton in common-same sense of humor, similar values, we're both super family-oriented, and we have the same weird taste in music. We even share similar quirks and habits that make us seem like we've known each other forever. Basically, we just click.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10456763648
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Here's where the problem starts. Daniel's father remarried a few years ago to a woman named Valerie. She's in her mid-40s and, well, let's just say she's not the nicest person. She's always been kind of cold to me, but I didn't think much of it. A little passive-aggressive here and there, but nothing crazy.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 06
    However, over the last few months, things have started getting out of hand. Valerie started making these strange comments, usually when we're alone or in private settings. She has started implying that Daniel and I are too close for fiancés. The first time she said it, I laughed it off, thinking it was some weird joke. But then it kept happening. She started
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 07
    pushing the idea that Daniel and I are not just fiancé and fiancée, but rather brother and sister in some kind of spiritual or emotional sense. She kept saying things like, "It's just like the way real siblings can talk for hours about nothing" or "You two look so much alike, I'm surprised you haven't figured out you're actually related."
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 08
    I thought she was just being bizarre, but it kept escalating. At one point, she showed up at one of our family gatherings with this family tree thing that supposedly "proves" Daniel and I could be distant cousins. The family laughed it off, but the whole
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333

  • Investigating her daughter-in-law's family lineage on her own time like some sort of private investigator is incredibly creepy. She crossed a major line in terms of privacy. 

  • 09
    thing left me feeling unsettled. I'm not sure why she's so obsessed with this narrative, but she even started calling us "the twins" in front of other people, which made me feel super uncomfortable.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 10
    HE
    via PeopleImages

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    I've talked to Daniel about it a few times, and he says I'm overthinking it, that Valerie is just trying to get under my skin. But at this point, I'm not so sure. I feel like Valerie is intentionally trying to paint us as siblings to make me feel uncomfortable and to undermine our relationship. And it's really starting to mess with my head.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 12
    We're supposed to get married in a few months, but now I'm seriously considering calling it off. I don't know if I can marry into a family that has this kind of weird, toxic dynamic. I don't want to feel like a part of this twisted narrative that's being forced on us. Daniel says I'm letting Valerie win by even thinking about this, but it's messing with my head so much that I don't know if I can go through with it.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 13
    So, AITA for thinking about calling off my wedding because of Valerie's insistence that Daniel and I are siblings? Should I just brush it off like Daniel wants, or is this a sign that something deeper is wrong here?
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 14
    EDIT: Just to clarify, we're definitely not siblings or related in any way, shape, or form. Valerie has no evidence or reason to believe this, it's all just her weird fixation. Also, Daniel and I are both adamant about not being related in any way. We've been to family gatherings, and nobody in the family has mentioned this before, but Valerie is definitely the only one who keeps pushing this narrative.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 15
    EDIT: For those who are saying that I should not let this ruin my marriage, something that I forgot to add in this post was that she brings this up CONSTANTLY. In family group chats, social situations, even infront of the children in this family. In public, when she brings this up, me & my fiancé get weird looks and even the children of the family have been asking me if me and Daniel are actually brother & sister or not, which, to have to explain to a child that it's just the family's 'humor' do
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 16
    I've tried avoiding her but Daniel's father claims it's me being sensitive & 'cruel' but I have actually lost sleep over this. Daniel told me a few days ago to just 'ignore' it & it's just a funny joke, but when you become the bt of the joke, it's not funny anymore. His MIL has even met MY family, and questioned them about whether they had any distant family
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 17
    when we were looking at MY wedding dresses, and to me, that is where it went too far. I love my fiancé with every fiber of my being, but he isn't defending me at all I feel
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333

  • The fact that this “joke” has other family members convinced of its veracity is proof that it has gone too far. It's a shame her fiancé won't take a stand against it.

  • 18
    completely alone on this, and I don't want to think about ruining our soon to be marriage, but I have considered it. Will I ultimately choose that? No, but I don't know if I want to be with someone who completely undermines my feels for the sake of his MIL who ultimately does not have his nor my best interest at heart. I will bring this up to him again later today or at a later date. I'll keep you all updated.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 19
    Edit: A lot of you have a point, I don't think my fiancé is a red flag though, I'm assuming that is just how he & his family joke with eachother, and since I'm not really the 'joking' type, maybe I just don't understand it. But you are one of the more
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 20
    understanding comments, which a lot of the others are not, & they just don't see how this has affected me and strained my relationship with my soon to be family. I've tried cutting off the MIL, but my fiancé & his father convinced me not too, and so it feels like I simply can't win in this situation. I texted my fiancé about this post and the comments and he told me if
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 21
    I bring it up again, he will just remove me from the family group chat entirely. I feel as though he is mad at me, which maybe I have overreacted, but I'm not really the confrontational type & he knows that, & it's his family. Since I am his soon to be wife, he should be understanding of that, and of my
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 22
    boundaries, but he shuts me down each time, and I kind of feel like the AH now for making it such a big deal. He wants me to apologize to his family for the sake of peace, and to just go along with it in the sake of 'good fun.' But doing that makes me feel like I am pushing aside my own feelings of the matter for the sake of a weird joke the MIL made, should I apologize or should I stand my ground? It feels like the ladder to me.
    via u/BenefitFinancial6333
  • 23
    indiajeweljax Yep. Embarrass her. Every time.
    via u/indiajeweljax
  • 24
    __The_Kraken___ "Please, ignore my mother-in-law. As you can see, she is unwell."
    via u/__The_Kraken___
  • 25
    cwinparr I would tell other family members that you are worried about her mental state. You two are obviously not related and her delusions are worrying. She keeps insisting that you are related despite proof to the contrary. Perhaps a dementia, psychological evaluation, or physical check is needed.
    via u/cwinparr
  • 26
    Wutschel91 She calls you 'the twins', maybe just call her 'the creep' everytimes she does this. So you join the family humor.
    via u/Wutschel91
  • 27
    Tiger_Striped_Queen Sounds like Valarie married a rich man and wants to make sure he doesn't leave money to his son by breaking up his relationships and causing a rift between father and son. Does your fiancée's father hear this? What does he say about his supposed daughter?
    via u/Tiger_Striped_Queen
  • 28
    Reasonable_Tenacity Exactly my first thought. She's protecting her inheritance.
    via u/Reasonable_Tenacity
  • 29
    No_Construction_3311 This was the second thing I thought about too. The first was if you truly love your fiancé and think he's worth it, go get two DNA tests, then shove the results in her face, and tell her along with her husband and your fiancé that you don't want to hear another word about siblings or she will never be invited to anything you host in the future.
    via u/No_Construction_3311
  • 30
    Boo-Boo97 That was my thought, go get a DNA test and post the results in the family group chat and on social media. Tell everyone Valerie is crazy and you have DNA proof that she's just making cr p up.
    via u/Boo-Boo97
  • 31
    AmaraX047 NTA. This isn't just some harmless joke, it's getting really creepy and messed up. If Daniel's not backing you up and his family is letting this slide, that's a huge red flag. It's not about Valerie "winning," it's about how you're feeling and how this is affecting you. If he doesn't stand up for you now, what's gonna happen down the line? You deserve support, not to feel like you're stuck in some weird narrative. Take a step back and really think about it-your mental health matters mo
    via u/AmaraX047
  • 32
    Sunset Petal Dream This comment is 100% correct. Valerie's behavior is beyond bizarre; it's manipulative and toxic. Daniel's lack of support is a massive red flag. The OP's feelings are valid, and she shouldn't dismiss them. This isn't about "winning"; it's about respect and healthy boundaries. If Daniel can't stand up for her now, the marriage will likely be filled with similar issues. Her mental health is far more important than a wedding. She needs to seriously consider whether this is a rela
    via u/SunsetPetalDream
  • 33
    Tough Team5355 that's super messed up. No one should make you feel uncomfortable like that, especially not his mom. If Daniel's not having your back on this, that's a huge red flag. You deserve to be treated with respect and your feelings matter. Don't apologize for standing up for yourself.
    via u/Tough_Team5355

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toxic brother reddit posts relationships parenting mother in law love boundaries sister breakup reddit thread red flag Reddit relationship drama dating family drama stepmother
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