“She gets to have two fathers and I have none”: Preteen jealous of the gifts stepsister gets from her bio dad, she blames her father and pressures stepmom to release custody of stepsister, the parents refuse

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 22, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Jealousy is a terrible feeling. Although it's healthy to have some amount of jealousy due to evolution and our biological impulses, it's a feeling that brings us nothing but discomfort, and it affects only us. No one else has to carry the heavy burden of jealousy, no one else is holding onto the pain, insecurity, or resentment that comes from it. As much as we'd like to wish someone else is feeling what we feel, they're simply not. It only hurts us. 

In the story below, it centers around a mixed family, where each parent has a daughter from another marriage. The stepsisters are preteens, and although it's a big adjustment, they have been getting along just fine. That is until the woman's daughter's biological father insists on showering her with luxury items and expensive gifts. The father's daughter, the stepsister of the girl getting gifts, is getting increasingly jealous and resentful of the gifts. She starts blaming her father for being a bad father. He tries to explain to her that love isn't material items, but she won't listen. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for my daughter getting “special treatment” over my stepdaughter?

    "You love your stepdaughter more than your own daughter"
    via by bbbrrn from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I've been getting attacked by my husbands BMs family for weeks. and I'm at a breaking point. I don't know what to do. I've (29F) been married to my husband (31M) for a year and half, been together three in total. I'm divorced, he was with his ex for years and they broke up. I have a ten year old daughter, he has a nine year old daughter. The
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 03
    girls get along well and I love my stepdaughter. She's very sweet and kindhearted and when she comes every other week we all get excited. She's also an amazing older sister to our baby last year. My daughters father moved back to our home state after our divorce and my daughter sees him and his family
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 04
    every summer. He's not really an active dad but he spoils our daughter profusely as a way to apologize for moving far away.
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  • 05
    This is where some of the issues lie. If my daughter asks her dad for something and he Amazons it to our house, my stepdaughter will feel jealous. For example last May my daughter wanted the brand new iPad that just came out and she asked her father for it and he bought it for her. When it arrived
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 06
    my stepdaughter was sad because hers is old and has a cracked screen and she asked my husband to buy the same one brand new but he couldn't afford itand her mom was FURIOUS. We explained my ex husband bought it for her but she still was upset. She said that my husband is putting another
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 07
    woman's child before his own and that it's not fair my daughter gets to have two dad figures 24/7 but her daughter only sees her father two weeks every month.
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 08
    Then for my daughters birthday this summer her father and her cousins came into the state and we threw her a huge party (stepdaughter was there) and afterwards she left the state with her dad and he took her and her cousins to Disneyworld (we asked my stepdaughters mom if she could come when my ex told me
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  • 09
    TARST THE
    via Andrey X. / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    he was booking the trip and she said no, which of course makes sense since she doesn't know my ex husband) but she got very upset and said my daughter shouldn't be allowed to go since her daughter can't go. My ex husband makes a lot of money and he can do things for my daughter that I can't. My therapist told me that my daughter
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 11
    might resent me if I don't let her and her dads relationship flourish and not allowing her to have things or do things to make my stepdaughter feel better is putting a burden on my daughter she didn't ask for. My husband agrees and says that we should just ignore his exes outburst so we did.
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 12
    Things got really bad this Christmas. We spent it with our son and my stepdaughter. My daughter spent it with her father and she came back with a lot of stuff. A lot. Even I was shocked. She even had a designer purse. Coach, but still! A bunch of skincare and makeup, Lululemon, other clothes, a bunch of gift cards, etc. My daughters a
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 13
    preteen and is in that phase of her life but I did not expect her dad to get her everything from her wishlist. This year my husband and I saved and bought my stepdaughter a new iPad, a lot of clothes and even an Ulta gift card she begged for but that's not even close to what my daughter got. My
    via u/OkAddress8417

  • She's so young, so it makes sense that her jealously would be destructive and consuming. But she needs to see therapy or something, because it's out of hand. 

  • 14
    daughter said she was going to share everything with her stepsister and they share a bathroom and she unpacked all her products for them both to use, but when my stepdaughter came over after her week with her mom she cried when she saw all the new things my daughter got. Even when my daughter said she'd share
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 15
    O O
    via mariashipakina / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    everything and wanted to do face masks together my stepdaughter said no and started screaming at her dad that he needs to buy her everything like my daughters dad buys her and why does she get two dads and she only gets none.
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 17
    We were all shocked. I send my daughter to her room so my stepdaughter can speak with her dad privately and he tells me later that she told him that her mom told her that my daughter gets to have my husband live with her 24/7 and be a dad to her and then has a dad that lives far away that buys
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 18
    her anything and that if my husband loved her he would choose to live with her full time and not live with my daughter full time. She's told us stuff like that, but I had no idea she was saying things like that in front of my stepdaughter. My husband assured his daughter that he loves and that
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 19
    love is more than just material things but as a child that's hard to grasp.
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 20
    Ever since my husbands ex and her family have been slandering us online, calling my husband a deadbeat and saying that he loves my daughter more than his own daughter because he can watch her get everything his daughter wants and doesn't care. They're acting like my husband is the one buying things for my daughter. If her
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 21
    father wants to spoil her how is that my husbands concern? My ex may not want to be an everyday dad but I do appreciate his bond with my daughter and that through him she'll always be set in life. She must have given my number to her sisters and friends because I've been receiving non stop texts and voicemails saying how can I live
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 22
    with myself knowing I'm making a little girl miserable? Even when I block I get new ones.
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 23
    They even went as far as to tell me that I should give my ex full custody so my stepdaughter doesn't have to see the "special treatment". My ex has been saying he wants our daughter to go to a private school in my area when she gets to high school in four years that she has to be waitlisted for and I can't imagine the issues that
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 24
    will arise then. Since my husband and his ex couldn't afford it does that mean our daughter shouldn't go? My stepdaughter has become distant and doesn't want to leave her room when she comes over and is clearly repeating things her mom tells her like "She gets two dads and I have none" and "I don't want your hand me downs" when
    via u/OkAddress8417
  • 25
    my daughter is offering her a skincare product which mind you hasn't even been a month since she's gotten it. AITA?
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  • 26
    NoWriter8559 • 9h ago NTA that poor childs mother is poisoning her mentally. Shes 100% to blame for this scenario. Im sure the stepdaughter would naturally be a little jealous/envious but her mothers draging that toxicity right out and fanning the flame.
    via u/NoWriter8559

  • What would you do if you were the father or mother in the story?

  • 27
    grayblue_grrl •8h ago "She said that my husband is putting another woman's child before his own" This is obviously a lie since he provided nothing extra for your daughter that he isn't for his own.
    via u/grayblue_grrl
  • 28
    Talk to a lawyer about parental alienation. Your husband should apply for sole custody. Therapy for step daughter. ΝΤΑ
    via u/grayblue_grrl
  • 29
    HinduKuxhh 9h ago Husband's ex is creating hostile environment. Time to document and take her to court. BTW, NTA. You are trying. It is more than most.
    via u/HinduKuxhh
  • 30
    • Aggravating_Meat4... 9h ago This is a mom problem. He should deal with a judge on this. If she's harassing you and your family and poisoning. your step daughter against her father let the court be involved. Maybe full custody can be an option. This is
    via u/Aggravating_Meat4
  • 31
    wrong also family therapy should be considered of course
    via u/Aggravating_Meat4

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