17-year-old boy tells stepmother that she "was never important" after refusing to spend Mother's Day with her last year: 'I never even saw her as family'

Grief can drive us to incredible lengths, changing and shaping us immeasurably. The loss of someone close to us is something that we will, frankly, never recover from. Life will be, quite simply, changed. This can lead to growth and, eventually, maybe even for us to pursue a better life for ourselves after picking up the pieces of what once was. What you cannot do, though, is just replace what was lost with a new insert and expect things to go back to being the same. There is only one direction: Forward.

Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of stepparents who are determined to be an insert for lost loved ones. Rather than putting in the effort and interest necessary for a relationship to naturally develop, they think they can brute-force themselves into that level of recognition. Your role will be different to that of their parent, and there's nothing wrong with that

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • But, though your stepchildren may come to love you, you can't simply expect to replace a lost parent, and you need to respect their grief. It will take the careful development of a difficult and challenging relationship, but one day, you may come to love each other as a family and deepen an unquestionably strong bond. 

    This stepmother didn't seem to understand this or her role and place in her stepchildren's lives, and when her stepson heard her insulting his grandparents over her distaste for their prominence in his life, he didn't hesitate to tell her how it was. After she became upset and told his father, the teen turned to this online community to see if he was in the wrong.

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    "AITA for telling my stepmother she was never important to me and telling my younger brother what she said?"

    My dad and stepmother got married when I (17m) was 9. My brother (15m) was almost 7. Our mom had di d two years before that. It was fast and all but we did okay with it. My dad always had a bad relationship with our mom's side of the family and when she di d he tried to cut them off from us. But our grandparents were given visitation rights and this was before he met our stepmother.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    When my dad and stepmother got married it was pretty obvious she didn't like the visitation setup. My dad and grandparents used an app and they would ask for specific days and he had to approve at least 3 a month. That was always how it went.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    We did get asked a lot when we went home if our grandparents had mentioned our stepmother at all and if they said mean stuff about her. We always told them our grandparents didn't talk about her at all and rarely mentioned dad. We'd go there and do fun stuff and sometimes we'd do something to remember mom. But what they pictured those visits as was so totally different than what they
    via LateDayGamer2
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    really were. Mother's Day was a pretty bad day each year with that. My grandparents got Mother's Day the second year after mom di d and just before dad's wedding. They'd ask for it every year and my dad and stepmother didn't want us to go but once dad asked if we wouldn't rather spend that day with him and stepmother instead of grandparents and I said I liked being with mom's family and my brother felt the same. So my dad approved it every year. My stepmother always hated it.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    They use an app for it and it has it's own calendar and once the day has been approved my dad can't reverse it unless my brother and I were sick. A while ago my dad approved a date and then realized a few hours later it was my stepmother's birthday. She was angry and while I was at my grandparents, which my dad and stepmother didn't know, she called and told them they had to give up the day
    via LateDayGamer2
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    and why. They refused. She went on this long rant about how she's tired of them acting like they should get any time with us and how they don't realize she's the most important woman in our lives and she was equally if not more important than mom ever was because we were so young when she did. She told my grandparents they were nothing and sooner or later they would realize she would always come before them with us.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    It ped me off. She had no idea I was there or that I could hear her talk to my grandparents like that. But I went home and I started yelling at her that I heard everything and how much she sucked for talking to them like that. Then I told her she was never important to me and she would never ever come before
    via LateDayGamer2
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    them. I said she's not my mom and I never even saw her as family. And I said if her and dad ever divorced I wouldn't stay in touch with her because she was never actually important. She was just there.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    My brother got home from his friends house and I told him what she'd said. That made him angry too. When my dad got home and found out he told me to apologize, but I didn't. We started therapy a couple of weeks ago because my dad and stepmother wanted the apology and for us to stop being different with her. They said it wasn't fair. My brother said she's not his mom either and he wished dad had never married her and he hoped they'd get divorced because he didn't want to be in the same house as h
    via LateDayGamer2
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    This ped my dad and stepmother off because I told him about the stuff she said. Dad told me I had ruined that relationship and had treated her badly when all she did was try to explain how she had raised us and had been a part of our life longer than mom. And he said I took that and went nuclear on her. He said I should be more understanding than that. AITA?
    via LateDayGamer2
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    Commenters shared their thoughts on the step-son's story below:

    No_Cockroach4248 2d ago • Your dad forgot which day was stepmother's birthday. Before she got on her high horse and lectured your grandparents, she should have reflected on that I am so sorry, your stepmother was extremely disrespectful to your grandparents. She has no compassion, how she could have said all that to someone who had lost their daughter is beyond me.
    via LateDayGamer2
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    Your dad is equally culpable in that he is not standing up for the both of you and watering down what she said to make it sound less hurtful. NTA, ask your grandparents if you can move in with them when you turn 18. You would have read enough Reddit post to know what you need to do to get ready to move. Be there for your younger brother because they will put more pressure on him once you have moved out
    via LateDayGamer2
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    virtuallestteen NTA. Your stepmom completely disrespected your grandparents, and you had every right to stand up for them. She's trying to act like she's your mom when she's not, and that's messed up. It's not about being understanding, it's about boundaries. Your feelings are valid, and it's not fair to expect you to just accept her as family when she clearly isn't. Your dad should've had your back instead of siding with her.
    via LateDayGamer2

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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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