16-year-old tells grandparents that he has "no family" after being let down by his parents and extended family: 'My parents used to fight [about who] had to take me'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jan 29, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Having family who can support you is incredibly important in life. But when your family is nothing but a deadweight leaden anchor of toxicity, you may reach a point where you need to consider striking off on your own. And when your own family views you as a burden for having the audacity to simply exist, you can bet you're better off without them.

These types of feelings are immensely difficult to self-identify, especially in the moment when you're experiencing them, let alone properly resolve. We might not even be able to identify exactly why we feel the way we do.

The difficult thing is you already have enough going on in your life when you're a teen without dealing with the added burden of a dysfunctional family. At this point in your life, you're still trying to figure everything out anyway, and you still need the support of others to get it right. You still might come to find that you're already more mature than the supposed adults in your life who are supposed to be looking after you.

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    Cheezburger Image 10461019648
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • These uncertain foundations are sure to cause you trouble at such a young age. But, at least this 16-year-old has community looking out for him in the form of his friends and their family. It's just a shame that his own parents and extended family are letting him down so spectacularly. 

    So, was this teen in the wrong for what he said to his grandparents? It's certainly a brutal thing for them to hear, but sometimes, we need to be exposed to the consequences of our actions—or inaction.

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    "AITA for telling my grandparents I have no family?"

    I (16M) don't know how much of the background I need to share for this but I'll give you a run down. My parents have an on and off marriage/relationship. I don't even know if they're legally married anymore. They have broken up more times than I can remember. Their background is they met in high school and started an on and off relationship that stuck. The on and off part especially. They got married when they were 19 or 20 and they did get divorced once and remarried once that I know about 100%
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    They had me in their early 30s. They were on and off my whole life. There were times I went several months to a year or a little more without seeing one of my parents. One time it was mom for like 13 or 14 months. Another time it was dad for 11 months. Other times it was four or maybe five months. I'd see the other parent again when my parents got back together.
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    Seeing the extended family depended on whether my parents were together. The extended family knew I would go months without seeing one of my parents sometimes and even longer without seeing them and when I'd be sad about it around them they'd tell me to buck up and I was old enough to deal with it. A few times I asked to sleep at a family member's house, like asked them directly, because my parents were fighting a lot and on the verge of breaking up again and they always said no. Nobody ever wan
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    My parents used to fight more about which had to take me in a breakup than they did about actually breaking up. They were going through a divorce at one point and I don't know if they ever went through with it or not. Not that it matters anyway. But that's just another thing in this.
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    Ever since I was 14 I had the best support from my two best friends (they're twins) family. Their parents help me out by paying me to babysit, although not really because it's just me hanging out with my friends. They've given me money and stuff just because too. Like when a breakup was happening with my parents and they both forgot I needed to eat at school
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    the twins parents gave me the money for lunch. I remember saying about the forgotten lunch to some of the people who are meant to be my family and they shrugged and acted like it was no big deal and I could survive a few days or weeks without lunch.
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    The twins parents also helped me get my part time job so I could have money whenever I needed it. Which has been great. They even helped me set up a bank account that didn't need an adult so it's safe from my parents. So yeah they're great.
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    But yeah, back to the point of the post. My mom's side of the family were staying the weekend with us. I was forced into the office so my grandparents could have my room. I ended up locking myself away most of the time I wasn't working. Then my grandparents cornered me on Sunday and told me I was behaving like such a teen and how I should be enjoying the time with my family instead of acting
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    like a stranger. I told them I don't have a family. I have people who see me as a burden and who don't care what happens to me. I said that's not a family. That's just random people who're forced to know me. They told me to quit being such a teen and acting like the whole world hates me. I told them I never said any of them hated me. I said they didn't care about me. But I had people who did which was nice since I never had that growing up.
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    They made a big fuss about it to everyone else because my parents were fighting about it and dad left the house and hasn't been back since. Then when I got back to the house yesterday my mom told me her parents wanted me to know I had hurt their feelings and owed them and everyone else an apology. And why did they text her that? Because they don't even realize I have a phone. It's a phone the twins parents bought me. But nobody in the family has my number and I'm pretty sure that includes my par
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    This was longer than I wanted and maybe I'm venting too much. But AITA for what I said? Maybe it was dumb or something idek.
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    Cheezburger Image 10461019904
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    angeliquehaze • 15h ago Definitely nta. Your family sounds horrible, I wouldn't want them either. Delusional or two-faced, matters not.
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    . curvy_hope 15h ago NTA. You spoke your truth based on how you've been treated, and their response just reinforces that they don't see or hear you. You owe them nothing, especially not an apology for expressing your feelings. Focus on the people who actually care about and support you.
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    SadSunOverme 15h ago • NTA. It sounds like your family hasn't been there for you, and it's okay to feel hurt and disconnected from them. It's not your responsibility to appease your grandparents or apologize for expressing your honest feelings.
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    • Leavelnteresting3290 15h ago NTA - family isn't blod. Family is love. Family is being there for you. Those people who call themselves family aren't. You're friends and their parents are.
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    KhryztelBlush • 10h ago Definitely NTA. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's super tough to feel like the family you're supposed to count on just isn't there. It's not about being a moody teen; it's about expressing your true feelings to people who should be supporting you. You've got every right to feel the way you do, and it's great that your friends' family is giving you the support your bio family isn't. Stay strong and take care of yourself, dude.
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    Odd_Effort_8899 • 15h ago Nta, tell them you will apologise when they apologise for not spending time with you when your mother disappeared. That your mother left for some time is no reason for your grandparents to forget about you. Especially since they indicated how important spending time with family is.
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    NotSorry2019 • 15h ago "I'm sorry you don't like the fact I don't trust that you love or care about me. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt that being neglected and abandoned has led me to believe you are not family I trust or value. Are we done pretending you care about my opinion?" NTA
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    Busy Purpose_9705 • 15h ago NTA. You led mostly an independent life throughout your childhood and the words that came out from your mouth was due to the tough situation you were placed in.
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    Puppet007 • 15h ago NTAH Good thing none of them have your number, but your family is ed up on both sides. f
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    Charlielovestuna 15h ago ΝΤΑ ΝΤΑ ΝΤΑ • The only time people are hurt or offended when hearing criticism is when there is truth in the criticism. Good Luck and later in life make sure to go back and really, really thank the twins and their family. Having a safe place and help is immeasurable.
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