Woman decides to buy a house alone after husband refuses to help her make a decision, risking their relationship in the process: ‘He can join if he wants’

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  • "I just went ahead and bought a house"
  • "WIBTA for buying a house without my husband's consent?"

    I (32F) have always wanted to have my own home. As many of us have. However, my husband (32M) isn't entirely on board.
  • It's not that he doesn't want a house. He talks about how nice it would be to have more space, to have a large backyard to garden, more rooms for
  • our kids to play and us to maybe even have an extra room to use. But he will NOT make decisions. Almost every big life decision we've had, he won't weigh in on. We
  • need another car, what kind should we get? I get answers of why "this kind is [good because abc], this kind is [bad because xyz]", but he refuses to tell me what he wants. So I buy
  • the car I think works best. And if it turns out to be a poor decision or something breaks on it, then he just tells me why he would have chosen
  • something different. Same with properties we've decided to rent. I'm finally in a place where it's financially feasible to buy a house. But I can't get his buy in on anything.
  • He won't tell me which houses he likes or doesn't like, just gives me pros and cons of each without working with me on it. This has been ongoing for nearly 3 years, and I'm tired of it.
  • We have 3 kids (7F, 5M, 2F) and are living in a 2br apartment currently. The 2 older kids share a room and the younger one is in our bedroom. We are running out of space and
  • will eventually need something bigger, and we currently have the opportunity. I can buy a home I like, with room for all of us with just my income and credit right
  • now. Since he won't give me any input in either direction, I'm halfway considering just doing the house search/buying process on my own and telling him he can join if
  • he wants. But I can't tell if that's just a d-ish way to go about it. So, WIBTA if I just went ahead and bought a house I know we can afford (with only my money and credit score) without his input since he refuses to give it?
  • gkf_214 You would NBTA. But I think you owe it to yourself to give him one last chance. "I am going to buy a house - either give an opinion and join In the process or stay out the way - and no recriminations."
  • mlg1981 NTA my dad was the same way to my mom. Basically forcing her to make all the decisions, while he "held the right" to criticize the decision of it turned out less than ideal. Think long and hard if this is the long term marriage you want and then act accordingly.
  • fallingintopolkadots YWNBTA but I do think you should give it at least a try first. "Hon, we really need to be thinking about moving into a house. I found a realtor and am planning to start looking at houses. I'd love for you to
  • weigh in and participate, but am planning on doing it either way." And see how he reacts. It at least shouldn't be a secret that you're doing it.
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  • erinburrell I always read posts like these and wonder how you are getting through life together. Does he participate in child rearing decisions or are you effectively a single parent too?
  • I hate that so many people jump to divorce but also.... are you thinking about it? NTA to anyone but yourself.
  • OkraLegitimate 1356 Not sure what state you are in but assume it will be necessary to get your husband to sign off on something like a quit claim deed in order for you to close escrow. No point in asking a bunch of internet randos about this without talking with a realtor in your state first.
  • summerlover28 NTA If you tell him he can make the decision with you if he wants to, otherwise you'll just do it alone
  • No_Mirror4310 NTA. Sounds like you know your husband. Do what's best for your family, your husband will catch up. I have a feeling he will find. something negative to say no matter what you do. Good luck.
  • sanityjanity ESH I'm not sure you even *can* buy a house without his input, unless you can qualify for the mortgage on your own salary alone.
  • A marriage is (among other things) a financial contract. You can't buy a big ticket item without both people involved. Surely you would not want to be in the opposite situation
  • where he bought a house without you having any input. Probably marriage counseling is needed here.
  • JadeDreamfern YWBTA if you go all solo on buying a house—it's a team game, fam. But I get the frustration, it's like playing a duo video game with someone who won't pick a character.
  • Maybe it's time to hit pause and figure out why he's so on the fence before you start building one. This might need more than a surprise home reveal to solve!

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