'I just wanted to enjoy dinner without feeling like a disappointment:' Woman's family treats her like the problem child, woman tells them she won't come to family dinners anymore

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 30, 2025 11:00 PM EST

In almost every family where there are multiple siblings, you will find that there's a unique power dynamic between all of the members of the family. Eldest daughters, for example, typically bear the brunt of the parenting that the adults can't manage. Middle children are often boxed into the "difficult kid" box. The babies are spoiled, the sons get their father's affection, and the daughters are closer to their mothers. It's different in every family, but it is always there. 

Issues arise when a member of the family gets pigeonholed into their role, especially if the rest of the family enforces it. Maybe the star student feels too much pressure to perform. Maybe the burnout kid never discovers their potential because they never thought they could. Either way, a family that does not support each of its members equally is doomed to lose some of them to the wayside. This girl came to Reddit to explain how her family has reinforced her "problem child" designation and decided it was time to put a stop to it. Is she right to speak up, or is her family balance just as normal as everyone else's? Scroll down to see what you think.


 

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  • 01
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    via rpnickson
  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to attend family dinners because my parents keep treating me like the "problem child"?"

    So, I (21F) feel like I'm losing my mind here and need to know if I'm totally out of line. My family has always had this unspoken "golden child" vs. "problem child" dynamic. My older sibling (26) is the golden child-straight-A student, great job, married, basically the poster child for success. Then there's me: the one who didn't follow the "perfect plan."
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 03
    I'm in college and working part- time while figuring out what I want to do with my life, but apparently, that's not good enough for my parents. Every family dinner turns into them grilling me about when I'm going to "get my life together" or why I can't be more like my sibling. Meanwhile, they're praising my sibling for, like, breathing.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 04
    The final straw was last week. We were at dinner, and my mom straight-up said, "It's just so disappointing that you're not living up to your potential." I tried to laugh it off, but it hurt. Then my dad chimed in with, "Well, maybe if you spent less time on your phone and more time thinking about your future, you'd get somewhere."
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 05
    I snapped. I told them I'm doing the best I can and that it's hard enough without feeling like a failure every time I see them. My mom rolled her eyes and said, "We're only hard on you because we care," which feels like the biggest cop-out ever.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 06
    So, I told them I'm done coming to family dinners if they're just going to use me as their punching bag. Now they're acting like I'm the one being dramatic and immature. My sibling even texted me saying I'm making things awkward and should just "let it go" because "they're just trying to help." But I don't think constantly comparing me to my sibling and putting me down is helpful. I just wanted to enjoy dinner without feeling like a disappointment.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 07

    Most commenters told this girl that she was right to cut her family off.

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    via sandym10
  • 08

    Some gave her a plan of action.

    Six months. Do not talk to them for six months. If you back up your words with action they will learn to shut up.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 09
    They "know" they are right. Let them stew. The first words you speak after that is if they ever do it again, one year. Try a dinner. Just do the year when they do it. H I, this will help your mental health a ton. No sibling either. He does not tell them to shut up. He needs a time out as well. NTA
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 10
    Wait, is this the same sibling that's struggling financially and you wouldn't share your inheritance with?
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 11
    NTA it's messed up that people think that criticism is the only way to motivate people. Also I wanted to make sure you know that it's incredibly impressive that you're attending college AND working that is really hard
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 12
    NTA. Stop going to the dinners. I bet, within a few weeks, they'll target your brother.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 13
    So I feel like something important is missing here. If you're in college and working part time, what is your parents' complaint?
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 14
    Definitely making the right decision to stop with family dinners, but you should amp up that and just limit all contact to a minimum. If they can't be helpful, understanding and supportive, then they don't need to be a part of your life.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 15
    You know what happens when the scapegoat leaves. the dynamic? The family finds a new scapegoat. And that may even be the "golden child".
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 16
    The golden child always wants you there so they don't have to deal with the insanity PERSONALLY. The longer you stay away, the longer your sister will experience their need to control and ab e.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 17
    Stay away from all of them, block them all. Do not communicate.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 18
    Pick a time period... 3 months, 6, next Christmas... whatever. At that time, unblock. Text everyone and let them know that you have considered the situation and decided that your life is very peaceful without them in it, so they can decide to be in your life in peace, or not at all.
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 19
    It would help if you were able to find a counsellor at the college maybe, within that time frame. Learn skills. You'll be better able to set boundries and enforce them. As well as realizing why they do what they are doing to you. Good luck. NTA
    via Salt-Anxiety4501
  • 20

    Finally, the reality of today's internet is a sad one.

    OP, it's really obvious you've used Al to generate most if not all of your posts and responses--heartbreaking. People are blowing up my phone telling me this. Oh, and you should "let it go."
    via Salt-Anxiety4501

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family drama aita sisters problem child parenting family sister reddit thread Reddit
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