Woman's husband has affair with her best friend, woman won't them take her kids in the divorce: 'They lost all their rights for me to feel something for them when they betrayed me

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 8, 2025 7:00 AM EST

When you find yourself in times of trouble, something that people will say to comfort you is that "it could always be worse." At first, it's incredibly unhelpful and, frankly, a little invalidating. After a while, though, when you really think about it, you realize there's a lot to be grateful for. Maybe it's the people in your support system or the roof over your head. Maybe it's something small like getting yourself your favorite dessert or getting to wear your favorite pants. At the end of the day, there's always something to be grateful for, and things could always be worse.

Once in a blue moon, however, you will hear someone's story, and you won't help but say, "Oh my, that is actually the worst." That's exactly what happened when I read this woman's story. She came on Reddit to tell about how her husband cheated on her with her best friend, and now they want more time with the kids that the woman and her former husband had together. It's a real mess of a situation, and I can't say that I envy anyone involved. So, should this woman let her husband take her kids for more time? Or would she be right to ask him who gave him the audacity?


 

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    "AITA for not allowing my ex and former best friend to take my kids out of state for a week to heal and recover after she was left unable to have children?"

    I have two children under 12 with my ex. We divorced five years ago after I found out he and my former best friend were having an affair. They both tried to apologize and asked for it to not ruin everything but their actions had already ruined everything. I hate the two of them. I no longer care about how they're doing.
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    But for my kids' sake I remain civil. I have never badmouthed them to my kids. I have never told my kids what happened. I would never want my kids to be harmed more by their father's actions than they already were. And the divorce was tough for them and they had a hard time coming to terms with the changes. They still
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    terms with the changes. They still need therapy for some adjustment issues that have remained. My former best friend hasn't helped it either by trying to continue on as best friends despite her actions.
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    It also didn't help that the kids went from their parents living together to their dad living with mom's former friend. But again, my primary focus has been my children. I love my kids more than I hate those two repulsive individuals. I love my kids more than myself which is why I worked so hard to be civil in front of my kids. Because the last thing I wanted was to make nice with them. But my kids love their dad and that has never changed.
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    My ex and this woman are now married and they tried to have children together. In December she had her 10th miscarriage and had to be rushed to the hospital and into surgery which left her unable to get pregnant again. I
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    unable to get pregnant again. I got a call from ex telling me all this and asking me to bring the children to the hospital to stay until she was ready to leave. It was my parenting time so I told him I would not bring them to sit and wait. He was very unsettled and told me to bring the kids by and he'd get them to ask me to let them stay. I told him that
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    wasn't happening. He made no more contact after that and he didn't take the kids for his parenting time either or contact me about it. His mom reached out and she told me he refused to leave the hospital. He didn't see them until his parenting time came around again and she was released. There was a new tension in the air at that point. He was furious with me for keeping the kids from sitting vigil in the hospital with him.
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    Now we have another dilemma that's become an issue. My ex booked a healing getaway for them and they want the kids to go along. It happens during my week and it's a school week. He also wants to take his weeks as normal before and after that. So he would have them for three consecutive weeks. From what he stated he would potentially keep them out of school for that long so the kids can be there to help her recover and grieve knowing she has them, was how he explained it to me.
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    I said no and I explained that I was not letting him take them out of school for a week just for her. I told him the kids are not their emotional support to get them through this and therapy is significantly better. I told him I didn't approve of them missing extended school time period. But I wasn't giving up my week for it.
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    He tried to state the week he missed should be made up for, but our court ordered parenting plan states if a parent voluntarily doesn't take their week, without an agreed upon makeup period, then the other doesn't need to give up a week in return. I pointed this out to him and he asked me how I could be so by the book about this. He said human decency would state I should be willing to put aside our differences at a time like this.
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    And that school isn't more important than family. He asked me how I would feel if she ends her life because of this and my refusal was part of the reason why. I told him I wouldn't feel anything. I told him they lost all their rights for me to feel something for them when they betrayed me and I would not be manipulated into agreeing.
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    He's pushing very hard for this and trying to guilt me into agreeing. I know I might be overly harsh in my response to this so I wanted to ask if people believe I'm wrong or not.
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    People in the comments were on this woman's side.

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    NTA. Are you sure they won't just leave early during his custody time and take the kids anyway? Can you talk to your lawyer about options if that happens?
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    Some were convinced her ex and ex's wife had ulterior motives.

    Not trying to scare you at all, but you ex trying to help her heal through having the kids for 3 weeks is ridiculous. He wanted the children on your week to sit in vigil with him in a hospital, could have been quite traumatizing to them, which for some reason didn't occur to him at all, he seems to be only focused on her needs.
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    But 3 weeks is plenty of time for the both of them to disappear with your children. The pair of them. don't seem to have any guilt what so ever, when it comes to taking things from you. This is a woman who after stealing your husband expected you to still to be besties. Why wouldn't she want to take your children now she can't have her own. because in her mind you can have more.
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    I wouldn't trust this guy with a dog...

    NTA Your kids are not your cheating ex's wife's emotional support animals. He can go get a dog. Dogs love you even if you are a complete a h le. You don't pull kids out of school just to make yourself feel better. That is completely inappropriate.
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    Your children are not therapy dogs. You need to go back to court
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    He can't really be implying that if his children do not go on this "healing journey" that his children may be responsible if she hurts herself is he?!
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    Nope nope, NTA they aren't esa dogs and to expect them to hold such a role is horrifying
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    Please discuss this with a lawyer regarding parenting time and keep anything he put in writing regarding the matter
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family drama aita kids reddit story divorce ex husband Reddit custody
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