Woman quits job to be stay-at-home-mom, doesn’t hold up agreement with husband to take care of the home, he refuses to cook for her: “You’re breaking your promise”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 28, 2025 2:00 PM EST

The long and arduous road of marriage is intertwined with the good times, the special moments of you two together are imprinted in your memories, and they keep you going for the bad times. And there will be bad times, times where you fight, you cry and feel misunderstood, and it's all part of the journey. 

In the story below, the couple has just had a baby, which always complicates things. Even through the abundant joy and nascent sentimentalities towards your baby, it's a rough time for you and your spouse. The woman here took the maximum amount of maternity leave available at her company. After it ended, she insisted to her husband that she quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom. After some deliberation, he reluctantly agreed. It would require him to work several more hours a week than he's used to, seeing as they used to be dual income making roughly the same amount of money. Because of his extra hours, she agrees to do all of the housework without question. One night, she expects him to help her with chores and cook dinner. He flat out refuses, causing tension in their marriage. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to do anything around the house because my wife insisted on staying home with our child

    "I had to pick up 20 more hours a week to compensate"
    via Kaspars Grinvalds / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I(28m) have been with my wife (27f) for 4 years married for 1. I'm an electrician and she is an accountant, I make about 60k a year and she makes about 55k. 7 months ago we had our first child, my wife was supposed to go back to work 2 months ago (she took the maximum maternity leave her company allows, 6 months which she started 1 month before labor).
    via u/nylver1
  • 03
    When it was time to resume work my wife told me that she would feel guilt and sadness if we put our child in day care, therefore, she wants to stay home with him. I suggested therapy but she is very persistent and says nothing a therapist would say will change her feelings. At this point it seemed like I had no choice so I started
    via u/nylver1
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10459945984
    via eclipse_images from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    calculating how much I would have to work to compensate her income, I usually work 45 hours a week (9x5) and without her income it would have to be at least 65_70 (9_10×7) 10 hours a day EVERYDAY of the weak, I told my wife how greulling it would be and she tried convincing me by saying I must sacrifice for our child and she
    via u/nylver1
  • 06
    would do all the child care and house work and I wouldn't have to do anything around the house, even without any housework it is still very extreme but I reluctantly agreed because I felt like I had no choice.
    via u/nylver1

  • The way it's phrased at the beginning seems like he didn't like it already that she took the maximum amount of maternity leave. This is where I differ from his opinion. She's absolutely entitled to take as much maternity leave as she wants. The grueling and taxing effects on the body, mind, and spirit don't go away overnight. Not to mention all the motherly duties of having the actual baby. 

  • 07
    So it happened, my wife resigned from her job (company policy, if you don't comeback you get replaced) and I picked up the extra hours, my day starts by going to the gym at 5 am (it is the only thing keeping me sane) and then I would work from 7_5 and get home at 5:30 absolutely spent and I just want to take a shower and rest.
    via u/nylver1
  • 08
    During the first month or so my wife kept her word and took care of all the house work but then she started expecting me to help her around the house but I would remind her of our agreement and she would look annoyed but move on and do it herself. 2 days ago she told that she is tired and wants me to make dinner and I flat out
    via u/nylver1
  • 09
    refused and told her she is breaking her promise and I made it very clear that she shouldn't expect ANYTHING from me when it come to house work. She looked furious but she got up and made dinner and since then she has been giving me the silence treatment. I'm full of anger and resentment right now at
    via u/nylver1
  • 10
    first she got me taking 25 more hours a week and now she is breaking her promise and trying to manipulate me by giving the silent treatment, I'm losing my mind.
    via u/nylver1
  • 11
    Guilty Strategy2151 • 6h ago It sounds to me like she underestimated just how much work goes into being a stay at home mom, as well as how exhausting you working to cover for lost income would be. I think you both need to sit down and clear
    via u/Guilty Strategy2151
  • 12
    the air when it comes to grievances or your built up resentment toward each other is going to tank your relationship. I would suggest she look into wfh or a part time job to help monetarily, so that you're able to cut back some hours and help around the house. NTA
    via u/Guilty Strategy2151

  • He's right to refuse in my opinion. They established an agreement, and working those extra hours at his job must be really rough on him. Of course, it's absolutely less work than being a stay-at-home mom with a newborn, but maybe she didn't understand how much work it would actually be. You are constantly doing something, where at work you at least get a lunch break. 

  • 13
    Historical_Carpet262 • 6h ago NTA. But also, please consider looking into a union because a skilled electrician should be making well over 60k, no matter where you live.
    via u/Historical_Carpet262
  • 14
    awfulcrowded 117 • 6h ago You need to talk to your wife. You're both filling up with resentment and it will destroy your marriage at this rate. You two need to revisit the deal, and if she can't handle the current situation, then you need to revisit her going back
    via u/awfulcrowded 117
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10459946496
    via Claire51700 from pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    to work. Maybe she can find something part time, 2-3 days a week, so the kid doesn't have to go to daycare everyday and you don't have to work 70 hours a week and she doesn't have to do 100% of the housework. Have the hard conversation.
    via u/awfulcrowded 117
  • 17
    So NTA for sticking to the original agreement, but if you don't sit down and have the hard conversation you will be TA for that.
    via u/awfulcrowded 117
  • 18
    Ok_Case_2521 • 6h ago Maybe I'm stupid but was there a suggestion made that she works part time during the hours that you're home and can take care of the kid?
    via u/Ok_Case_2521
  • 19
    lurninandlurkin 6h ago NTA. This was always going to end badly, you both made an agreement and while you disagreed originally, your wife disagrees now. So if your wife would like to change the
    via u/lurninandlurkin
  • 20
    terms, then its time to discuss changing all the terms, not just you picking up extra housework so, sit down and have a conversation.
    via u/lurninandlurkin
  • 21
    Modern life isn't easy on a single income any more and being on a single income will also affect how long you have to work until you both get to retire and, how comfortable your retirement will be. Time to put all options back in the table and work out a better plan moving forward.
    via u/lurninandlurkin
  • 22
    facinationstreet • 6h ago Your wife FAFO. A decision to quit is NOT a decision she gets to make without a 100% agreement by you. She decided to do it anyway and she decided on the terms of the agreement. You are keeping up your part of the
    via u/facinationstreet
  • 23
    bargain by working 65 - 70 hours a week. If she wants something more equal, she needs to go back to work. NTA
    via u/facinationstreet

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