Dad demands his 15-year-old artist daughter delete all of her art because it features her late mother and not his wife and 2 kids: 'I didn't delete it and I was grounded for 3 weeks because of it'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 29, 2025 8:00 PM EST

It's so sad to watch parents s*ck the joy out of things their kids enjoy. So many kids would be delighted playing school sports in a casual, fun environment, but because their parents don't want them to unless they're going to be the best at them, many kids don't even bother playing sports in the first place. There are kids who love to do theater for fun, but their parents make the experience miserable by giving them notes and picking apart their performance before they ever even get onstage. You would think that these parents would be happy that their kid has an extracurricular activity they enjoy, but that's not good enough in this highly competitive world. Even if you're not looking at it from a competitive or extracurricular angle, it is incredibly easy for a parent or guardian to take joyful and harmless things away from their dependents. 

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  • The dad in this story is one of those parents. Instead of encouraging his daughter's expression of grief through art, he insisted she delete all of her art because it did not include her half-siblings and stepmother. While her grandparents are backing her up, it doesn't seem like that'll do much good.

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    Cheezburger Image 10461565440
    via Annie Spratt (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA not deleting all my art backups like dad told and letting him punish instead?

    I (15) like digital drawing a lot. My grandparents put me in art classes when I was 8 to give me something to focus on after my mom di d. It really helped and I feel like I've grown enough to make it a job some day. I already do some small commissions when I want some money. I keep all my stuff on my laptop and I have it all backed up so I can keep it.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    MacBook Air
    via Goran Ivos

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    In November my dad went through my laptop when I was in school and looked through all my drawings. When I got home he'd deleted everything I'd made and he wanted me to delete all my backups that he knew I had. What set him off was I had a folder full of drawings of family but none of them included his wife or my two
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    half siblings. They got married 5 years ago and my half siblings were born after that. He didn't like how I could draw mom into a lot of stuff, how I could include pets and grandparents and stuff, but not the blended part of our family.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    It's not that I hate my dad's wife or my half siblings, because I don't and I never did. But I don't love them. I like them and care about them. I'd never want anything bad to happen to them. But they're not new mom and full sibling level to me. We get along fine but when it comes to my
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    personal art I draw the things and the people I love. Some stuff I do for others or for the art class but the personal stuff is personal. I wouldn't delete the backups and my dad punished me. He talked to me after the punishment was up and he told me it was time to delete them. Again I didn't. My
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    grandparents stepped in to speak up for me and my dad said they needed to stay out of it. He blamed them for some of it. My half siblings never did the one day a week with them. Their mom was home and wanted them with her so it made sense. But dad
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    said them taking me and my siblings for that one day made me think we were different to the halfs or something. My grandparents tried to talk him down but he meant it when he said they had to stay out of it.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    I still didn't delete sh and I was grounded for three weeks because of it and it didn't make me give in. So he decided to take my laptop and my art tablet and he told me I can't draw until I delete the backups. He said I can get them back when I delete everything. He said there is no
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    reason for me to have and keep art like that. He said it wasn't a good thing that I'd drawn so much that excluded part of our family. He told me he wasn't letting me get away with it.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    We're a coupe of weeks in now. I draw a little at school which helps me not go crazy without it. I do miss drawing. But I'm not deleting stuff that means something to me. I can survive three years of not doing it much. But AITA for not deleting it? My dad thinks so. He said he didn't know why I was being so stubborn about this and why I was trying to hurt everyone.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    Cheezburger Image 10461568256
    via engin akyurt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Aggravating_Meat4785 You're dad is wrong. You draw what you want he can't force you to draw them. You need to ask to see a therapist at school and tell them he's punishing you for your art which is a very meaningful part of your life and you want help discussing this with him with another counselor or adult who can act as a mediator. He is totally wrong and what he's doing is wrong and he has no right to take this away from you. If you want to draw your family as you feel it that's up to you. Yo
    via u/Aggravating_Meat4785
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    kind to them you just don't feel that way. He can't force you to love them or to draw them. Taking away this super important part of your life and your creativity and growth is totally irrational and controlling. He's trying to force you to delete your work because you didn't draw something. That's crazy just ask you to draw one of them and let him shut up about it. He's a very ride person for this. Totally irate and controlling. You need a counselor this is not ok. Get him to explain this to so
    via u/Aggravating_Meat4785
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    AnonArtistBrush OP We only have a guidance counselor at school not an actual therapist. My grandparents tried to get through to him but he told them to stay out of it. There really isn't anyone else who could try and would be close enough to work.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    McGalakar Can't you speak with a guidance counselor or a teacher whom you trust?
    via u/McGalakar
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    AnonArtistBrush OP The guidance counselor isn't good for any personal issues. Doesn't do a lot of good for helping with college stuff either. I could talk to a teacher but they couldn't do anything. My dad would never listen to a teacher.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    quixoticquetzalcoatl • 6h ago • Edited 4h ago This is heartbreaking, OP. I have a 15 yo daughter who is also an artist and intends to do it as a profession, while I also know the pain of having my creations broken and destroyed by abive parents. If your dad is the type of person I highly suspect he is (an ab ive narcissist), then one of his greatest fears is tarnishing his reputation. He's not going to want it leaked that he is an aber.
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Going to a teacher is an excellent starting point; good for you for having the courage to think about it AND having the courage to stand up to your dad in the first place. You're doing great so far, OP. Let's break this down to succinctly present your case to your teacher.
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Isolation: your dad is preventing you from seeing your grandparents - social isolation, and being grounded in this specific circumstance is an ab e tactic. Coercion/ emotional blackmail: using an ultimatum to get what he wants out of you is ab e. Delete your artwork or else is a threat and is ab e. Breach of privacy: He did not have permission to go through your files
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Destruction of property: ab ers will destroy your property as a control and manipulation tactic Invalidation of feelings: your dad has not in the least acknowledged your use of artwork as therapy for a traumatic event and is attempting to traumatize your further by making you destroy it Withholding affection: this involves a conditional love that only approves of you if you do what they say. It also includes isolating or punishing loved ones if they stand up for you and can include either the si
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Your teacher can at least get the ball rolling to get you resources and help that you need. It's part of their job as mandated reporters and they have the training to do so. I really hope you're able to get your belongings back. The way your dad has been to you in the face of traumatic loss is cruel and horrific. What a truly awful person.
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Edit: I'm so sorry I missed one of your last sentences. You are hurting everyone?? No, no, no, OP, thats gaslighting AND DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). I was even wondering if I had missed an example of gaslighting...
    via u/quixoticquetzalcoatl
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    Tribbles_Trouble Can you go and live with your grandparents? What your father is doing is awful and definitely won't make you love his wife and kids. I wish you the strength to keep your artwork even in the face of such adversity.
    via u/Tribbles_Trouble
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    AnonArtistBrush OP Right now my dad has stopped us going once a week so he's not going to let me move in with them.
    via u/AnonArtistBrush
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    JanetInSpain You are 15. He cannot stop you. You are legally old enough to decide where you want to live. Contact your grandparents and ask them if you can live with them. If they say yes, tell them he is trying to prevent you from even seeing them and you need their help. Don't give up!
    via u/JanetInSpain
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    Trick_Curve_1933 NTA. "Dad, I need you to sit and think long and hard about what I'm about to point out. Don't argue, don't immediately answer. I really want you to think about this: what kind of relationship do you envision us having moving forward? What's the next step? Say I do delete the backups of my art? Do you think I'll magically love your wife and kids? Or do you think I'm
    via u/Trick_Curve_1933
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    actually going to resent you all immeasurably and walk out that door the minute I turn 18 and never come back? I will have a funeral for you as though you did like mom and never speak to you again, and you can look back to this incident as the reason why. But the choice is ultimately yours. There is no going back from it. Like I said, take the time to think about it and the next step."
    via u/Trick_Curve_1933

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artists family drama art mother grandfather artist stepmom grandma dad Grandpa family grandparents artistic daughter grandmother Father Reddit
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