Dad withdraws 15-year-old daughter from competitive gymnastics against her mom's wishes because she doesn't want to be in the gym 14 hours a week and her body hurts: 'She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

There's nothing worse than not being able to quit something that you strongly dislike doing. There's certainly a chasm between quitting things the second you start to dislike them and forcing yourself to finish everything you complete, no matter how miserable it makes you. Every situation is different, and while it's generally good for parents to train their kids to finish what they started, there must be a limit.

The dad who posted this story is trying to do what's best for his daughter. She's a sophomore in high school, a high-achieving student, and wants to quit doing competitive gymnastics more than anything. She has lost her passion for the sport, is sick of being in the gym 14 hours a week, and her body hurts from the constant training. That last reason alone should be enough for both of her parents to let her quit, but her mom is not budging. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10414705408
    via leah hetteberg

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife's wishes.
    via u/Business_Bat_4962
  • 03
    My daughter (15f) is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year.
    via u/Business_Bat_4962
  • 04
    My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter's season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better. She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer.
    via u/Business_Bat_4962
  • 05
    1 (43m)understand my wife's point about the commitment to the team and the money. I also understand my daughters point about being sore as I used to be weightlifter and wanting to be more active in high school. I am trying to find middle ground but I don't think it exists. My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
    via u/Business_Bat_4962
  • 06
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 NTA My daughter (15f) is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year. Your daughter no longer has a passion for gymnastics and wants to prep
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 07
    My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter's season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better . She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer. Your wife's forcing your daughter to stay in gymnastics is going to hurt their relationship. Is there any reason why your wife believes your daughter will start
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 08
    My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. Trust your gut - your wife probably has good intentions, but your daughter's wishes need to come into play. 15 is old enough to have input on what sports/activities she does. Sorry about what will probably be an extended stay in the dog house.
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 09
    Alternative_Dot_1026 And hanging around with friends is a good thing because it builds connections, friendships, battles loneliness and in adult life etc. It builds the necessary social skills that you need
    via u/Alternative_Dot_1026
  • 10
    Proper Sense_1488 girl sounds like mothers slave. GYM SCHOOL CHORES. sounds so sad and bleak
    via u/Proper_Sense_1488
  • 11
    gorkt It's a manifestation of the mother's anxiety. There are lots of helicopter moms who think that if the kid isn't occupied 24/7, they will get into trouble. But there are also negative outcomes to never having time to be bored and just hang out.
    via u/gorkt
  • 12
    CorruptedStudiosEnt Moreover, this girl will be an adult. Soon. In as little as 3 years, she'll move out and do whatever the she wants regardless of mom's wishes. If she wants to stay active and productive, she will. If she wants to be a lazy who does nothing with her life.. She. Will.
    via u/CorruptedStudiosEnt
  • 13
    Mental-Steak571 More likely the mother is living vicariously through her daughter's successes. You see it a lot with dad's (sometimes moms) that were somewhat successful athletes in school. I've coached and we deal with that a lot.
    via u/Mental-Steak571
  • 14
    Nrysis It is also worth noting that she could hang out with them for 15 hours a week with no impact on her current schedule if she was no longer doing the gymnastics...
    via u/Nrysis
  • 15
    QueenofPentacles112 Also wanted to hop on and add something! Daughter can do school sports. And, I just have to note, being a former gymnast for so many years, especially with that much time in the gym, she's already one of the most athletically capable athletes in their entire region. Ballet and gymnastics are the 2 backgrounds you can have that will put you at the top of every other sport you try thereafter. His daughter is already stronger, more balanced, agile, spatially aware, and flexible
    via u/QueenofPentacles112
  • 16
    Displaced NY One of the best divers I knew in high school was a former gymnast!
    via u/DisplacedNY
  • 17
    PitifulGazelle8177 I totally get the commitment thing because kids needs to learn that some things you cant just quit. But she is targeting the wrong area because her daughter's reasons are "Im in PAIN" and I have to say that one is a REALLY GOOD REASON to quit
    via u/PitifulGazelle8177
  • 18
    mason609 Exactly. But also, she lost her passion for it. My mom and former stepdad made my brother continue playing football, even though he expressed that he was always sore AND he had started to hate it. In his last game, he removed some of his pads, and let himself get hit hard. 2 separated ribs and a concussion resulted (HS junior, varsity middle linebacker).
    via u/mason609
  • 19
    Spanky-Ham77 As a former international gymnastics coach, the vast majority of female gymnasts finish up at 14-16, to basically have more of a life
    via u/Spanky-Ham77
  • 20
    Lisbei NTA Also, listen to your daughter. Her reasons for wanting to stop the sport are valid. Forget about the money, that's gone. And about her behaviour, I'm kind of shocked that your wife doesn't believe in her own daughter - really, an honor roll AP student isn't going to change overnight. It sounds like your wife is one of those dance moms, only for gymnastics.
    via u/Lisbei
  • 21
    Just reread - logically, at the start of the season is the second best time to pull out of the team (the best time would be at the end of the previous one). Also, your wife says daughter made a commitment to the team? So she cares more about the team than her own daughter? Wow.
    via u/Lisbei
  • 22
    _s1m0n_s3z NTA. No, you do not crucify your daughter because 'commitment'. High level gymnastics is torture if you're not into it; and likely often also when you are. It's painful and can lead to life-long injury. She should be out as soon as she says she wants out. ~~ As for the team, if your daughter drops out, it is likely that some other girl who wants it more will get her chance to compete. It's selfish for someone who doesn't want to be there and isn't going on with the sport to take up a
    via u/_s1m0n_s3z

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