16-year-old tells his dad's ex-wife/affair partner that he wouldn't live with her if she was the only option he had, grandparents scold him for making her upset: 'Dad's parents are saying I'm turning into a really evil and cruel person'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 7, 2025 1:00 PM EST

It's incredibly easy to overstate the dubious morals of cheaters. I don't think that Ingrid Bergman should've spent as many years of her career as she did in retreat from Hollywood for the sole crime of having an affair, mainly because that affair-turned-marriage created someone as wonderful as Isabella Rossellini. If you've been tuned into John Mulaney discourse over the past 4 years, you've probably seen some parasocial people bemoaning the horrible moral transgressions of John Mulaney for having an affair baby with Olivia Munn after being in a relationship with his wife for 8 years. 

But I say that as a fan of both of their work. If I were Ingrid Bergman's oldest daughter or Anna Marie Tendler, I would feel extremely differently about those situations. You might not see a stranger as an inherently bad person for having an affair, but ultimately, you're not the one who is actually affected by their personal lives. 

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  • The people who are most affected by cheating are the cheater's partners and children. The young man in this story is alone in his struggles because his mother passed before his father's infidelity was revealed to him. Nine years and one divorce later, his father's affair partner is still running his life. 

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    via Rahadiansyah

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for making my dad's on and off again wife cry and telling her I'd never live with her if she was the only option I had?

    My mom did when I (16m) was 7. When she was sick my dad cheated on her with Ashley, who was supposed to be his friend from college. How I found out was at my mom's funeral Ashley's ex attacked my dad and called
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    him a hypocrite for acting like a grieving widower when he'd been Ashley for weeks. One of my uncles took me away while the other two stayed to find out what the h_I was happening. But I heard enough.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    My dad moved Ashley in with us later that week. She was trying to be all sweet and caring to me and she tried to take care of me but I was angry at them both and I hated that they'd done that to my mom and that she actually came
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    to mom's funeral. She told me what her ex said wasn't true and that she was just helping as a friend. But a couple of months later she's pregnant and they're engaged and they got married before their first kid was born.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    Right after the baby was born my dad kicked Ashley and the baby out and they got back together a while later. They were on and off like that ever since.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    I hated living with them and I hated both of them. Even today I don't think either of them is a good person and I don't respect either of them. My dad doesn't care so he just lets me do and say what I want and I spend a lot of time with between my three uncles. They're the only real
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    family I have. Mom and her brothers (the uncles) grew up in foster care. My dad's family never paid much attention to me so I never cared much about them. His parents only started showing up five years ago and they were pretty indifferent to me.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    The only time my dad has ever done anything about any of what happens is when he feels like I'm at one of my uncle's places for too long. He drags me home and says I can't live with any of them.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    My uncle's have offered to have me come live with them before and dad said no, they went to court to try and get custody of me but it wasn't taken seriously because none of them was my other parent and CPS didn't do crop either. They knew it wasn't great but they didn't think it was worth me living with a non- parent.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    Ashley and my dad have three kids together. Ashley and the kids get kicked out every few months. She always tried to get me to like her but I ignore her mostly. I don't care about the kids either and I don't do anything with them ever.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    In September Ashley filed for divorce which is the first time that ever happened. But she found out dad was cheating on her with someone and she was done. Not all the times she and her kids were homeless but the cheating did it. She told me she loved and wanted to ask for custody of me.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    I told her I never loved her, she was just the homewrecker in my eyes and she was a worthless piece of trash and I wouldn't live with her if she was the only option I had. She got upset and asked me how I could know her all this time and not love her. I
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    refused to answer but I told her I didn't care about her kids either and I was glad they were gone. I told her she deserved everything that happened for what she helped him do to my mom.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    That was the last time I saw Ashley. A few weeks after she moved out dad's parents started showing up more and they told me I should invite Ashley and the kids to celebrate my birthday and I should see them. I ignored them trying to get involved but then in December they told me they knew what I said to Ashley and
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    they told me I should appreciate her way more than I do and how could I make her cry like that. I rolled my eyes at them and told them to go away and they told me Ashley deserved better because she tried to be a good mom to me. I got into a fight with them about how Ashley isn't my mom.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    I spent Christmas with my uncles and only came back when dad ordered me to. His parents were there again and they said I don't even treat my dad with respect. I told them I hated him just as much as Ashley but he doesn't care and I'm not going to be able to hurt him so I ignore him. I told
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    them I hoped someone would break his heart someday and I hoped he'd be left miserable and alone. They argued with me that Ashley didn't deserve to be on the same level of hated as my dad because she was a better person and I told them I didn't see it.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    via Pietro Schellino

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Then a couple of weeks ago they told me Ashley wanted to see me for her and one of the kids' birthdays. I didn't go and apparently she cried again. They told me she'd give me a better home than dad would and since I lived with her more and she counted as a parent which my
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    uncles don't I would have a better chance living with her. I told them I'd rather be homeless. They complained about my attitude but I walked away from them.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    They heard me asking dad to let me live with my uncles and when he said no they told me I have an option that I won't take. My uncles looked for legal advice but they're not going to win and if I refuse to go home the police would take me home because he's my only parent and even at my age they'll do it. So I'm
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    spending as much time with them as I can and then spending as little time at dad's as I can. Dad's parents are still saying I'm turning into a really evil and cruel person who doesn't care about people and that making Ashley cry is proof and treating her like I do is wrong. AITA?
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    clearheaded01 NTA 18 is approaching, patience and you can leave them behind... In September Ashley filed for divorce which is the first time that ever happened. But she found out dad was cheating on her with someone and she was done. Oh, no... the cheater she married ended up cheating on her.. who could've predicted that..
    via u/clearheaded01
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    TANoneofso9 OP Right? And not only was he already a cheater but they were on and off so much I'm not sure what she expected.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    • Rarefindofthemind ⚫ 5d ago You know what, kid? You're going to be fine. Better than fine. You're strong, determined and principled. You don't let others sway or influence you. You will go far in life. I wish you a very happy and successful future.
    via u/Rarefindofthemind
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    gobsmacked247 That was exactly what I thought while reading this!! OP is young but he has a good head on his shoulder's and a great sense of right and wrong and the will to fight. No pushover here!!!! He had such a sh sandwich for life once he lost his mom and this could have been a bad beginning. Nope. He stood tall, saw life for what it was, had no real power, but undeterred, stood tall anyway.
    via u/gobsmacked247
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    idkanaa NTA You don't owe Ashley anything. She helped ruin your family and now wants sympathy? Nah, you've got every right to be done with her.
    via u/idkanaa
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    TANoneofso9 OP She always did. She wanted me to love her from the time she moved in that first time and I can't believe she never realized I hated her guts and didn't care about what happened to her.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    Open Equal_1515 oh yes how dare you not embrace the woman who helped destroy your family with open arms? clearly you're supposed to just forget that she moved into your house a week after your mom's funeral like she was picking up a shift at mcdonald's. and shame on you for not shedding a single tear for the woman who got kicked out of the house more times than a bad tenant but finally found her moral compass when she was cheated on. the nerve of you not seeing her as a saint.
    via u/Open_Equal_1515
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    and let's not forget dear ol' dad-cheating, abandoning, emotionally neglecting, but oh you should definitely respect him because... well because reasons? if only there was some sort of cause and effect explanation for why you don't want anything to do with either of them. meanwhile your uncles—the only people actually giving a cr p about you-aren't seen as valid guardians because... paperwork? but sure ashley counts as a parent because she tried (when it was convenient for her). if that's the ba
    via u/Open_Equal_1515
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    honestly the fact that you haven't changed your number, legally renamed yourself not my dad's problem, and booked a one-way ticket the second you turn 18 is beyond me. you're NTA and if ashley and your dad's family are so concerned about your attitude maybe they should take a good hard look at why you feel this way instead of acting shocked pikachu every time you don't play along with their emotional circus!!
    via u/Open_Equal_1515
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    TANoneofso9 OP The thing about all that is we don't even know if a judge would give Ashley custody. If my uncles who are actually my bl_d and legal relatives couldn't get it then why would she when she's nothing? She's not blod or legally related to me in that way because she never adopted me. It's crazy they're so sure she would.
    via u/TANoneofso9
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    Clean_Factor9673 You're 16 and if it went to court the judge would listen to you. You're not related to Ashley so it's unlikely she had standing to even get a hearing. Spend as much time as you want with your uncles, the closer you get to 18 the less likely you'll be returned to to your dad.
    via u/Clean_Factor9673

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family drama marriage mother affair stepmom grandma exes dad uncle divorce Grandpa family grandparents uncles half sibling mom Father
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