'She immediately went into angry hysterics and called her Dad': 13-year-old daughter refuses to tell her mom why she got detention, demands to stay with her dad because he says she doesn't have to

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 7, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Kids should be a little afraid of their parents. I'm not saying that it's a net positive for children to be terrified that their parents are going to scream and holler at them for minor transgressions, but they shouldn't feel like they're the ones running the show. Parents who let their kids take the lead on every decision get steamrolled in their family, and they need to nip behavior like that in the bud if they're going to be able to discipline or punish their kid when it is necessary. Again, I don't think that constantly lording over your kids that you are the adult and they must obey you on everything is healthy. But if your kids are making decisions with the thought in the back of their heads that they don't want to get in trouble with you, it will probably lead to them making more thought-out decisions.

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  • The teen in this story is not scared of her mom at all. When she barely gets in trouble with her mom after getting detention at school for allegedly being cruel to her classmate, she calls her dad and asks him to pick her up so she won't have to face any consequences. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10464508928
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA FOR ASKING MY DAUGHTER FOR THE SPECIFICS OF HER DETENTION

    My 13 yr old daughter got her first detention today for as she claims "Laughing at another students 3D printed shoes" After listening to her side of things I began to ask her for the specifics like the name of the student and she straightup refused to tell me and kept repeating that their name didn't matter. In my mind I
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    was thinking of the bigger picture and potentially future situations that could arise like the parents of the student reaching out to talk to me and for my own mental note to make sure my child is not bu ying said child. I
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    Cheezburger Image 10464509952
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    told her I would just contact and ask the school myself then. She immediately went into angry hysterics and called her Dad (she is very much a Daddys girl) crying and he agreed with her that he didn't see why the name was relevant, so that made her level up her amount of disrespect towards me. I explained it's now
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    more so her belief she can tell me "No" about anything I am asking/insisting to know then it is about this specific situation and she said she wanted to go stay at her Dad's now, so he is on the way to pick her up. Am I the a_h_le for wanting the child's name or for not being ok with her telling me no?
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    Cheezburger Image 10464511488
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    dryadduinath It's not your 13 year old's place to decide what is and is not relevant about her detention. It's not her dad's place to disrupt your custody time. If she thinks living with dad will get her out of being parented, that is a problem. NTA, but it sounds like you got some work to do.
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    EwwDavvidd Exactly! As a parent, you should contact the school for details (not necessary names). What will you do if her story is false?
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    raznov1 >What will you do if her story is false? Deal with it then and there. That level of "secrecy" is crucial to the development of a child.
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    silfy_star The school will not give up the child's name That said, this screams she is lying about what actually occurred. I find it hard to believe that a kid would get detention for merely laughing at a child's shoes, it's gotta be more malicious than that
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    z-w-throwaway There is right and wrong "secrecy". It's healthy to develop boundaries around private feelings, or private business. It's not healthy to create boundaries with the purpose of hiding wrongdoings from authority figures.
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    OneEntertainment4071 School will give you the information noted on the referral. You will not get the other student's name as it is a violation of FERPA.
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    zerostar83 I completely agree. It looks like the teenager is trying to establish that she's in charge of the conversation. It also matters what the other girl's name is, because talking about the other person is how you can instill some empathy for the other person.
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    Character-Solution-7 If the name was truly unimportant, she would have given it freely.
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    AnnikaG23 She's allowing her daughter's dad to currently undermine her and judging by the way her daughter is behaving, it's definitely not the first time. Daughters is already 13. It's just going to get worse from here because there's clearly no respect for mom's parenting.
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    Accomplished_Sock435 NTA. I think there is definitely more going on with the story and she did something worse than she told you. The fact that her response was so over the top probably means it's pretty bad. I definitely think you are right to contact the school for more information and then proceed when you get the full story.
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    Malphas43 "OMG WHY DOES THE NAME MATTER I WANNA GO STAY WITH DAD." well, if it didn't matter before, it definitely does now....
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    bugbugladybug 100% the kid is hiding something they're ashamed of. I wonder if the kid has a disability, was a different race or something else that would make it a pretty big problem.
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    I'd also not let her go to her dad's, it sets a bad precedent if she can just walk out of her problems. It's a brat in the making. Kids need to be able to face these difficult conversations and work through the outcomes. The lack of it today is building the next generation of selfish shitheads.
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    NaturesCreditCard Kids not having yet learned "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". 100% she was feeling guilty.
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    adjudicateu She's a minor. You're the parent. Go to the school. Just the fact that your 13 year old daughter is manipulating you like this tells a parenting story. 'You can tell me or the school can tell me. I'm giving you an opportunity to be straight with me and explain what happened.'
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    Confident-Broccoli42 ΝΤΑ She shouldn't be allowed to escape grounding etc by crying to her dad when it's not his arranged time to spend with her I would still contact the school. Your ex doesn't get to tell you what to do. He's eventually going to get sick of her drama from his enabling.
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    Malphas43 nah, he'll just blame her mom anyway.
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    Valkrhae Do parents not get notified when and why their kids get detention? Did this happen after or during school?
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    Ok-Atmosphere-7303 OP During and yes she brought home a document for me to sign that said she has detention for being disruptive but no real details of exactly why.
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    Megh If you call the school and explain you aren't trying to defend or justify your daughter but you need help and info to hold her accountable you will likely get a great deal more info. They are used to parents trying to get their kids OUT of detention and will be happily surprised by parents who are actually interested in personal responsibility and consequences.
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    Bigmongooselover Let me have your husbands name and phone number - I'm going to start a business giving people hard truths and reality conversations
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    Ok-Atmosphere-7303 OP Very much my ex for the past 10 years but I'm not apposed to that! Lol
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    Real-Accountant-3201 I'm reserving judgement for now as I feel like a lot of information is missing here because from what you've stated it sounds like you're assuming your daughter was bu ying the other child without actually talking to your daughter about it. If you go in to a discussion while treating your child like the enemy then their response will generally be aggressive.
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    Even in another comment you stated you wanted to "make sure the other child didn't feel bu lied". While that is kind to the other party, your daughter likely assumes that you will only see her as a bu y because "her dad was a bu y too". If you treat your child like a bu y without cause, eventually they'll start acting in that way because they know you won't expect better.
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    Ok-Atmosphere-7303 OP You are right. I think her Dad being such a bu y towards others to this very day does leave me with a subconscious fear my daughter is becoming one also. Especially when I hear her say certian things she has picked up from her Dad. Like "Trans people all have mentally health conditions" and how interracial marriage/relationships are frowned upon in her Dad's family so she would never even
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    consider trying to date anyone who isn't white cause her Dad would be so disappointed in her. Etc. Etc. But I will try to be more mindful of your point going forward because I do agree with you and recall "becoming" what my parents claimed me to be (a brat) as a teen myself so I don't ever want to intentionally cause her to do so.
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detention teens family drama school mother middle school teenagers raising teens dad fatherdaughter motherdaughter family daughter mom Father Mean People
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