Update: 27-year-old man tries to tell 11-year-old step-daughter what to wear, her mom refuses to change her: 'My step daughter isn't mine, sort it yourself'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 7, 2025 3:00 PM EST

A small issue between a man and his fiancee suddenly snowballed, affecting their whole family. 

Having kids can really change up your whole dating life. A lot of people don't want to date a single parent. Those who do might have their own kids. Either way, some people are up for the challenge of becoming a parent to a new child, while others are too intimidated by it. 

It's all fun and games to involve yourself in your stepkid's lives, but this dad has had a sudden realization about his relationship to his fiancee. All it took was one argument over clothing to send their whole relationship into a spiral! This person shared their story as well as a couple of updates, which you can check out below. 

Up next, read about the petty customers who were unhappy with a store's customer service, with one worker sharing that "People would complain that their pizza was too hot to eat."

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  • 01
    GlideEFORE e
    via Mark Bosky on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I'm a 27-year-old man, and my fiancée is 30. We've been together for nearly four years. I have a six-year-old son, and she has an eleven-year-old daughter from previous relationships. Up until now, we've never had any issues regarding the children.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 03
    Yesterday, her daughter was set to go on a camping trip for a friend's birthday, where they'd be doing activities like kayaking. My fiancée dressed her in a dress, and I mentioned to her that it didn't seem like the right choice for the occasion. She seemed offended and said her daughter could wear whatever she liked and that it wasn't a man's place to judge. I tried to clarify what I meant, but she cut me off, saying, "She's my daughter, not yours."
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 04
    I took my son to a pre-planned match when my fiancée rang me. It turned out the birthday girl's mum had told her daughter she couldn't go in a dress and needed to wear a tracksuit or something similar, so they didn't let her on the bus. My fiancée then asked if I could leave the match early to drive her daughter to the activity centre. I replied, "Why should I? She's not my daughter, and I'm here with my son."
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 05
    Neither of us are talking now. I do pity for my step-daughter and I wasn't being spiteful. My son was looking forward to it and it would b2 about 4 hours of travel. AITAH
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 06
    Edit: from what I get, I was a bit of an AH she was a bigger AH so I'm gonna try and talk it out and see what we both want.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 07
    Reasonable_Rui... Who sends à girl KAYAKING in a dress????
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 08

    This commenter is exactly right

    bradrj Nah you're cool. NTA. Seems like a TERRIBLE family setup going forward. How do you see this ending for you? What happens when the girl is 15? You don't get a say? 16? 13? Things are going to get messy in that house.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160

    The step-dad mentions that he's been in his fiancee's life since her daughter was 7 years old, yet he's still not considered her father? This should be grounds for a serious talk about family dynamics. If he and his fiancee still can't view both kids as "theirs," it's just going to cause more problems down the line. 

  • 09
    JustGeeseMemes NTA, I'd have been snappy too, you tried your best. But also you need to clear up what your roles are meant to be with the kids here. Either you're some kind of parent and expected to help or you're a random unrelated person who needs to keep their nose out and you don't do shuttling them about.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 10
    The second sounds like a not great environment for a kid, but they can't expect you to just do chores for them on demand but also be treated like an irrelevant stranger when it suits too.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 11
    T NTA, she can't be a snarky person and still expect you to help... she made her choice and choices have consequences. This relationship isn't lasting much longer lol. And good. she sounds like a red flag.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 12
    IllustriousKey43... No, your wife told you to your face how things work in your household. She is not the mother of your child and you are not the father to her child. Yours isnt mine just when you need help. Just question if you really want to get married to someone who very clearly has a mindset. How is she with your son???? That's a big factor
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10464827648
    via Filip Mroz on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14

    Check out the first update, which took a bizarre turn

    Telling my fiance her daughter is not mine. People wanted an update and I wanted a rant. I had a conversation with my fiancée, and she asked why I would say something hurtful. I replied I was just repeating what she had said to me earlier. Then she asked if I loved "her daughter," and I said I did. She asked if it was as much as I loved my son, and I responded, "almost
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 15
    as much." She got cranky. I asked her if she loved my son. She said no. I asked if she loved me, and her answer was "sort of." She started crying, woke up her daughter, and told her they had to leave (though I hadn't told them to go). I said we could talk about it tomorrow, but she insisted, saying he doesn't want us anymore. I told her that I never said that. Her daughter began crying and didn't want to leave, but her mother said don't let me
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 16
    leave on my own. He doesn't want you. I reassured them both that they were welcome to stay. My fiancée decided to leave (without her daughter), and now she's not answering. When I spoke to my daughter's father, he just laughed and said she couldn't even hold off on the crazy until after the wedding.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 17

    Finally, here's the second update, where the mom tries to avoid all accountability

    Update 2: I told my fiance my stepdaughter isn't mine I'm not sure if you've all forgotten me, but I'll start with some good news-we've finally figured out how to toast Pop-Tarts properly for my son! We had about two weeks of calm. During that time, I spoke to my stepdaughter a few times about everything. I reassured her that,
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 18
    no matter what happens, she'll always be my girl. She told me she hoped her mom wouldn't come back. She says her mom was controlling. Then, a few days ago, my (ex) fiancée walked into my house carrying two grocery bags, acting as if nothing had happened. She asked me what I wanted for dinner. I told the kids to go to their rooms and confronted her. I told her that we're over. She asked why, and when I didn't
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 19
    respond, she said, "Couples fight," as if her actions were normal. Her behavior was unsettling. I told her she needed to leave or I'd call the police. She asked why I was doing this to her. I was at a loss for words, so I picked up my phone. At that point, she backed down, saying, "Okay, let me get my daughter." I told her that if she wanted her daughter, she needed to call CPS and explain why she had disappeared for two
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 20
    weeks. She insisted she had only been gone for one night. She refused to leave without her daughter and started shouting her name. Her daughter came out of her room and reluctantly said she would go with her. I told her, "You have a place here for as long as you want." Her mother then said, "He'll kick you out just like he's kicking me out." I stood my ground, saying she could have her daughter back after speaking to CPS. When I started
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 21
    dialing the police, she ran out. Later, I talked to my stepdaughter. She said she was willing to leave because she didn't want to cause trouble for me. I reminded her that she's the child, I'm the adult, and it's my responsibility to look after her- - not the other way around. I asked her where she wanted to stay for now, and she said she'd rather stay here.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 22
    My ex-fiance ended up calling CPS. They reached out to me, and there was supposed to have a meeting yesterday with my fiance, but she didn't show up to it apparently.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160
  • 23

    The step-dad left a few clarifying comments

    Embarrassed... OP CPS were under-resourced and her dad agreed to let her stay with me. I don't think its the preferred action by CPS but by the sounds of it they are struggling. As for CPS the goal will be reunification. They just wanted a chat with her mother first. I wasn't meant to attend.
    via u/Embarrassed_Basis160

    At the end of the day, he seems like a good guy who's just trying to do the right thing for his kids. Even if his step-daughter isn't biologically his, he's taking care of her the way a parent should while her own bio mom is out roaming. 

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family drama stepfather camping family clothes step father dress kayak step daughter children
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