35-year-old renovates MIL's house, petty MIL suddenly demands full house payment: 'I do not want to give her any money until we have that paperwork'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 5, 2025 3:00 PM EST

A verbal agreement is worth about as much as the paper it's signed on. This couple is discovering that the hard way after they accidentally got on their MIL's bad side. 

This MIL is the kind of person who doesn't speak to 8 of her 9 siblings. That alone should clue you in to her disposition, though the couple in this story adds some more details, too. She's quite petty, she takes things personally, and she is totally fine with burning bridges. 

Some people are just like that. When you meet them, they seem completely nice, but the longer you know them, the more you realize that any little slip-up could set them off. This is the kind of person who makes you walk on eggshells. No matter how nice you are, they'll find some way to make you at fault for their hurt feelings. 

For example, the woman telling this story has been living in her MIL's home and paying rent to her. But now she finds herself on the MIL's bad side after she didn't attend a random family party. No matter that she fixed up the MIL's home (doing some major renovations!). All that matters to the MIL is that she wants to see her family members every single weekend. Since this woman missed a few weekends, the MIL took that personally. It had nothing to do with her, but does she care? Nope. 

Now that she's been slighted, the MIL is demanding to be paid in full for her house! There aren't many average Joes who can just pull like $250,000 out of their pockets to buy a house. Keep scrolling to check out this eye-opening story of MIL drama. 

Next, read about what happens when one boss demanded an employee work for 21 days in a row: "Needless to say, it hasn't gone over well." 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10463830784
    via Abby Rurenko on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITAH: For refusing to pay my MIL for our home until she removes her name from the deed?"

    Sorry, this is gonna be a long one. So a little back story first. My now husband (40m) and I (35f) live in what was his grandmother's house. She passed in 2014 and my MIL offered the house to us for the city's tax assessment value of the property at the time. We had been dating a couple of years and living together in a home we rented.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 03
    We felt it was a fair deal and accepted her offer. Unfortunately no official contract or agreement was written up or signed. But to make it "official' a quit claim deed was filed to add my husband and my MIL to the deed.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 04
    Not much longer after, my MIL apparently had a new quit claim deed drawn up to remove herself and add me (with my now maiden name spelled incorrectly in the paperwork). But it was never filed so no changes were ever made.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 05
    After making payments to my MIL for a few months I felt we should have some type of signed agreement in place. Wrote up something very basic that just states we agree to pay $X amount each month until the full value of the house is paid in full. Since we'd already made some payments, thus agreement also states the remaining balance due as of the date it was signed hy all parties.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 06
    Now, there was a verbal agreement in place as well that we also had the option of fixing up the house in leiu of making monthly payments, and then we can pay the full balance owed when the house sells. This is nowhere in writing, but is the plan we have been going by since the house is old and needed a bit of work.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 07
    Bwfore moving into the home, we completed a lot of drywall work, repainted the entire house, tore up some old carpet, etcMIL husbanding into the home in 2015, we also done the following:
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 08
    -Updated bathroom sink - Replaced the toilet -Resurfaced the kitchen counters -Updated the existing kitchen cabinetry - Replaced the kitchen sink and faucet -Repaired the furnace (whichThe hoa few season cyclknowo determine what was wrong with it) -Had old water lines replaced -Repaired the
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 09
    concrete steps on our fronknowrch -Replaced all appliances, including also running electrical for a washer/dryer hook up in the home -Cleared out (almost) all the garbage that was accumulated in the attic -Had a privacy fence installed around the yard -General clean up of the overgrown yard, including dismantling and removing a 50+
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 10
    yr old dog kennel, tree removal, stump grinding, removing old junk that accumulated, etc. - Added landscaping, including a nice fire pit area -Completely redid the roof and siding on the yard shed prior to moving in we removed all the old dinged up baseboards but didn't have time to put new ones in before moving in, so this is also something we've been doing during winter months as well as a new coat of paint in every room of the house
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 11
    You get the point. The house needs a couple of large repairs done (new roof, chimney repair, and some water damage on an external wall, as well as a couple of trees removed that will need to be limbed out due to their locations) so we've been saving up for these larger projects.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10463831296
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    Now this summer has been particularly busy for both my husband and I between work, our hobbies, and summer travel. We really have not had kuch truly "free" time.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 14
    However, it is my MIL's expectation that we visit her every weekend (there is no invite, no plans, just an expectation that we show up to sit on her couch and chat for a couple hours then leave) which has always been strange to me. But all families are different so whatever.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 15
    Well, we have been so busy that we've not been able to make this weekly obligatory visit but my husband has gone to see her after work without me a couple of times. I haven't visited in quite some time, maybe 1-2 months (which I don't personally find unusual... I don't even see my own mother that often).
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 16
    But the lady time I was there we had talked as a group (including my SIL) about going to the zoo. A couple of weeks later we get a call that they're about to go to the zoo. My husband and I had no clue this was planned and we were never invited despite previously saying we would love to go. However that conversation ended, it made us seem like the AH because we didn't go with them. Even though we were only given maybe a 30 minute notice of the event.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 17
    My MIL's husband also goes ip north semi-regularly without my MIL but she doesn't like to be home alone so normally we or my SIL would go visit and keep her company. However, lately nobody has been passing this information to us. But this is also used against us as if we don't care and don't want to spend time with MIL.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 18
    Now, I worked late the other day so my husband went again without me. His first visit in quite a while. When he went to leave and say goodbye, he hugged his mother and told her he loved her. To which she replied "okay" and mentioned something about him never coming around. Major passive aggressive guilt trip stuff (not uncommon for her).
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 19
    A few days later my husband gets a call from MIL husband saying that she wants the money for the house now and in full. (kind of out of nowhere) We have the money and can pay in full but it will mean longer to wait on those large repairs. My husband wants to pay her and get it over with so that she no longer has anything she can use against us. He thinks she's doing this out of spite for us not visiting
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 20
    regularly or participating in "family" events that nobody invites us to. I top my husband I would support his decision on however he wants to handle the situation. Despite my urge to be petty and throw the passive aggressive guilt trip back at her.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 21
    However, I feel that payment should not be made until she removes her name from the deed. Even if it's all in the same transaction. I do not want to give her any money until we have that paperwork. This will probably be relatively inconvenient for her since she does not like to leave her home.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 22
    In all honesty, most of the money in our savings has come from me but a good chunk of it is also money we received at our wedding that was to be used for our honeymoon (which we had to cancel because of co id).
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 23
    If this is what she wants, I just want to make sure there's no other possible way for her to do something with the house in her will or what have you. This is a woman who no longer speaks to 8 of her 9 siblings over pretty minor disagreements. Who loves to guilt trip her children. Who will gossip openly and talk sh about her husband's children and their spouses. (lord know what she says about me when I'm not around)
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 24
    AITAH in this situation for simply requesting that we do not pay her until she removes her name from the deed? Edited to add - I understand that from a legal standpoint we don't have much to lean on. Hindsight is always 20/20 and considering where we are now I wish we'd have created and signed something at the time of agreement.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 25
    We are now to the point where we just want to pay her the agreed upon amount in full but her name is legally on the deed.
    via u/jennnnnbee
  • 26
    Cheezburger Image 10463831040
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 27

    Commenters had good advice for this person: always get it in writing

    legallymyself in the US if that is where -- you are -- ALL REAL ESTATE TRANSACTIONS FOR SALE HAVE TO BE IN WRITING. At this point you and your husband are nothing more than tenants.
    via u/legallymyself
  • 28

    If it's not gotten in writing, the MIL will be able to take advantage of this poor couple forever

    FoxySlyOldStoa... No. NTA. This is a hill to di on. This is a hill that she may crucify you on, so make your stand here and in your own terms.
    via u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox
  • 29

    This is a sensible way to insist that the MIL remove herself from the deed

    United-Manner20 NTA - "what day works for you so that we can go to the notary and you can remove your name from the deed, and we can give you the full balance?"
    via u/United-Manner20

    It's not requesting, it's telling her exactly what she will do! 

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family drama housing aita house grandma family feud in laws mother in law Grandpa family DIY grandparents son
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