Mom protests when mother-in-law makes weekly visits to 5-month-old granddaughter at workplace daycare: 'It's not like daycare is the only time she gets to see her'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 7, 2025 6:00 PM EST

It is pretty normal for new parents to feel very protective over their kids. After all, they have just been tasked with the responsibility of helping another life that they created to survive and thrive, and it is a moment that some spent a long time longing for before it actually happened. Of course, they want to feel like they are doing everything right and that other people aren't getting in the way of that.

This can sometimes mean that disagreements arise with others, especially close family members and grandparents. It is easy to feel like they are trying to overstep the boundaries when it comes to their behavior and role. While this can often be true, other times there are more factors at play when it comes to how and when they interact with the baby. It isn't always a case of there being bad intentions or bad outcomes.

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    via Olivie Strauss (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • These were feelings that one mom found herself struggling with after she felt like her mother-in-law was overstepping in spending time with her daughter. The 5-month-old went to daycare in the building where the mother-in-law worked along with her son, and the grandma occasionally went to visit her for half an hour or so when she was on a break. The mom wasn't happy about this, but she wondered if she was overreacting. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10464954368
    via Olivie Strauss (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    WIBTA if I told my MIL she could no longer visit my child at daycare?

    My (29F) daughter is five months old and goes to a daycare at my husband's (32M) workplace. My mother in law also works at the same place so she has easy access to the daycare. At least once a week she goes and spends 30 minutes to an hour just playing with my daughter. This rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons. As a mom, it frustrates me that she thinks it's okay to just drop by whenever without at least saying something or asking (I actually just found out while writing this that she tell
    via shamwowlter
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    Would I be the a h_le if I asked her to stop visiting daycare so frequently? She comes to our house and gets to spend several hours with my daughter at least once a week so it's not like daycare is the only time she gets to see her.
    via shamwowlter
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    Commenters unanimously thought she was having the wrong reaction.

    • SoMuch MoreEagle ⚫ 17h ago YWBTA I get that you're jealous that she gets to spend more time with your daughter than you do, but that's not really anyone's fault. Just because your feelings are natural and you can't help them doesn't mean they're right or should be acted on. Your daughter is lucky to have so many people in her life that love her and want to spend time with her. You don't have any specific complaints about your MIL herself, how she treats your child, or how she treats you that y
    via SoMuchMoreEagle
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    I would have hated having someone just come in and spend time with a child because now not only do they have infants to watch, but now they have to work around a fully grown woman and make sure that she isn't taking pictures/videos of other babies as well. If that's a concern, then your husband should ask them if it's an issue. They actually might be grateful that someone else is taking a 5mo off their hands for an hour a day so they can focus on the other kids. Don't make assumptions to justify
    via SoMuchMoreEagle
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    FLsurveyor561 Her feelings aren't "natural" though. The grandma is spending 30 to 60 minutes with her grandchild "at least once a week". That's not very much time for a grandmother that lives close by. I think OP just doesn't like the MIL.
    via FLsurveyor561
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    Charlietuna 1008 More likely mommy is JEALOUS.
    via Charlietuna1008
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    SpecialistFeeling220 It's a totally natural feeling to have. We all have intrusive thoughts, it's our behavior that defines us. Op came here asking for other opinions because she probably knew deep down it wouldn't be right to ask her mil not to visit her daughter. She just needed to vent. All totally natural, and normal, and familiar to all of us. Try not being so judgmental.
    via SpecialistFeeling220
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    angelerulastiel My daycare never minded when I dropped in, they welcomed me. I took one kid off their hands completely and usually at least one other kid would bring me a ball to roll.
    via angelerulastiel
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    CrimsonKnight_004 YTA - Thirty minutes to an hour? That doesn't sound disruptive. If the employees think she's getting in the way somehow, they can easily let her of management know since they work in the same place. It's pretty absurd to think she has to ask for your permission in a building you aren't even in. You have no actual reason to be angry, just your own jealousy that she has more awake time with your daughter than you on some days. So...you'd rather your baby spend that time solely wi
    via CrimsonKnight_004
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    Wild-Association 1680 YWBTA, this benefits everyone (especially your daughter). "She thinks it's okay to just drop by whenever" because your husband has expressed that this is okay. It is your issue with him that he's not communicating with you - not your MIL's fault.
    via Wild-Association1680
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    Physical_Ad6875 You said she's asking your husband before visiting your daughter. Why do you think your husband isn't empowered to say whether or not his mom can visit his daughter. Why do you think you should be the only gatekeeper? You are jealous, which is a valid feeling, but not something you should act on. Just be grateful that your daughter is growing up in a family that loves her so much.
    via Physical_Ad6875
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    TGAH YWBTA. The daycare workers can speak up if there's a problem- that's not something you need to worry about or be involved in. What a wonderful thing that your baby gets extra time with her grandmother! The baby is spending awake time with someone who isn't you the whole time she's at daycare. Why would you rather it was a daycare worker than her actual grandmother? If you don't have specific complaints about how she interacts with your daughter, don't tell her not to visit. It's a positive
    via T_G_A_H
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    Doughnut Mission1292 I'm really confused as to why you wouldn't want this love and happiness for your daughter. Like... the more loving and devoted adults a child can have in their life the better. A trusted grandparent is with your daughter a half hour a day that you can't be. That's a blessed situation to be in.
    via DoughnutMission1292
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    NYDancer4444 My thoughts exactly! And it's not even every day. It's "at least once a week". That's not excessive or inappropriate at all. OP is wrong to deprive her child of that.
    via NYDancer4444
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    Domestic Mongol 1-1 interaction is the best for infants and you are selfishly rubbing your kid from that out of pure jealousy.
    via DomesticMongol
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    Fartin Scorsese YTA. Unless your MIL's visits are actually harming your daughter, you'd prefer her grandmother not visit her?
    via Fartin_Scorsese
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    SnooRadishes8848 YWBTA, it is amazing your daughter gets that love and time with your baby. That's one of the reasons day cares are in places of work. If mil is an issue to the daycare, they will take care of it. You will do nothing but cause resentment and it seems so petty to do this just because she can visit But idk I wanted my kids to have a good relationship with the grands
    via SnooRadishes8848
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    lamIrene •19h ago You're upset that your daughter gets to have her grandmother visit her one time a week for 30-60 minutes? It's not like she's showing up unannounced to your house demanding to see her. Jealousy is an ugly look. YWBTA. Perhaps consider that having a grandmother drop in once a week could be a good thing for your daughter.
    via IamIrene
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    IllustriousKey4322 That was a lot of words to say "I don't like my mil and she needs to back off"
    via IllustriousKey4322
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    her_ladyships_soap YWBTA. You don't cite any specific concerns with your MIL personally; you're just jealous that she gets to spend more time with your kid than you do. That's fair and I'm sure that feeling is hard to deal with, but it doesn't mean that your MIL is doing anything wrong. The more people who love and care for your kid, the better, and it seems silly to pick a fight here when no fight needs to be had.
    via hey_ladyships_soap
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    Eventually, the mom concurred.

    ETA: Yes. I know I'm the a_h_le for being jealous. After talking with my husband, I'm realizing a lot of these feelings are based on big emotions from being exhausted and PPD. I don't hate my mother in law. This is my first and probably only child and she's my rainbow baby so I'm very protective. For those of you that politely told me I'm the a_h_le, thank you. For those of you that told me I need to see a therapist, already seeing one for my chronic depre s on and added postpartum depres on so
    via shamwowlter

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aita baby grandma granddaughter mother in law family reddit thread daughter Reddit mom
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