17-year-old refuses to babysit his 38-year-old sister's kids once after continuously doing it 5 days a week, gets grounded for putting friends above family: 'I tried to defend myself but they didn’t listen'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 12, 2025 11:00 AM EST

"It takes a village to raise a child," the classic quotation goes, but it doesn't thoroughly examine the involvement of said village. To some, a village means pre-colonial communal raising of children, without the traditional post-colonial idea of a nuclear family with a mother and father. All of the adults in said village take responsibility for all of the children and their well-being, and all teach them different things. Kids are constantly surrounded by more than two adults and form strong attachments to grown-ups who aren't their biological parents.

As rad an idea as that is, that's not why people say, "It takes a village to raise a child." Parents usually say that when they want someone to babysit for free. Wanting a village is totally understandable, and parents who don't have friends or family that they can call up when they need help often struggle with stress and big babysitting bills. 

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  • Having a village of adults is one thing, but demanding that your teenage siblings watch your kids while you go out and do who knows what is an entirely different thing. The only sister in this story is demanding that a 17-year-old teenager babysit her kids every day after school when she's going everywhere but work. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10466924800
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not babysitting my sisters kids?

    So, I (17M) have been babysitting my sister's (38F) kids (7M and 5F) every day after school. I never really had a say in this decision becauce my sister stayed at our parents house. As soon as I got home my sister would already be walking out of the door and I was forced to watch them until my parents got home.
    via u/Flatcanon
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    Cheezburger Image 10466925056
    via Kevin Gent

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    The tipping point happened last week when I planned to go to a friend's house after school. I texted my sister letting her know I couldn't babysit and got no response. I got home my sister was walking down the stairs dressed. I asked her where she was going to which she scoffed and said, "A girls day. I told you
    via u/Flatcanon
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    about this yesterday." I stopped her and reminded her I wasn't babysitting and she rolled her eyes and tried to walk out. I stood in front of the door and asked when the babysitter was getting here. She said she needed me to watch them, I could go later. And she push past me to leave.
    via u/Flatcanon
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    I called our dad and told him the situation. He told me to watch the kids and sk it up. I begrudgingly stayed and watched them. Once my parents got home they took over the child care duties but by that time I had already missed my friend's birthday. I was p ed and went to my room. Refusing to talk to them any more.
    via u/Flatcanon
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    Today I took a change of clothes with me to school and just went to my friend's house without going home. My sister called me a few minutes after I got to my friend's house and asked me where I was. I told her she went crazy and yelled at me to get home now. I refused and didn't answer any more calls after that.
    via u/Flatcanon
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    மாடி
    via Julien L

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    After a few hours I returned home and got grounded and scolded by my parents for putting friends before family and not being there for my sister. I tried to defend myself but they didn't listen. AITA for not babysitting for my sister
    via u/Flatcanon
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    Edit. I've decided to take some of your advice and I started making plans to move out. I started trying out different after school activities to make myself unavailable after school. I've also started gathering my important documents and information and getting a part time job.
    via u/Flatcanon
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    roxywalker NTA. Keep packing your bag and staying with friends. Get a job. Get into a relationship. You will be 18 soon and unless you signed up to be an Au Pair, your family is taking advantage of you.
    via u/roxywalker
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    SaigeHKF they're just using him as free childcare, he needs to start setting boundaries, his family won't stop unless he makes them
    via u/SaigeHKF
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    Severe-Eggplant-7736 if he call CPS that cr p will stop
    via u/Severe-Eggplant-7736
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    TieNervous9815 The nuclear (but valid) option. Or call the police and let them know sister has abandoned kids and OP never agreed to watch them and she left them without supervision.
    via u/TieNervous9815
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    Slightlysanemomof5 Look for an after school part time job. Secure your paycheck so family cannot access it to be ready to be independent. You are not responsible for your sister's children, I would possibly give it a pass if your sister was going to work and between sitters but that doesn't seem like that's the case. Start gathering social security card, birth certificate, passport any other important
    via u/Slightlysanemomof5
  • 16
    paperwork and start bank accounts so you can move on without your family. You are NTA and continue to do minimum if you have to watch your sister's children. I would also ask why sister's free time is more important than your schoolwork and free time, and your sister needs to support family too. Meaning your educational needs come before sister having a good time. Start making an exit plan now.
    via u/Slightlysanemomof5
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    GardenSafe8519 Nope NTA. Where is the kids father(s)? He (or they) need to be parenting the kids as well. Tell sis SHE'S responsible for her kids all day every day since she's the one who had them. Tell her and your parents you're not responsible for her kids as you're NOT THE FATHER. Tell them you're not giving up your childhood and teen years for her children. When they say family helps family, agree and say yes but that doesn't mean I am to be walked all over like a welcome mat. You'll only b
    via u/GardenSafe8519
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    available for emergencies. Not dates or girls day. And doctor appointments don't count as emergencies either. Many women take their children with them to the doctor because they couldn't get a sitter. Tell them if you don't have down time and not be allowed to see your own friends and go out without the kids that when you turn 18 you'll turn away and never look back. If they say you're being disrespectful, tell them respect is earned and goes both ways.
    via u/GardenSafe8519
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    Dry Twist_3419 If family comes first then why isn't your sister thinking of you and your feeling and mental health. It's time your sister grows up and takes on the full responsibility of her children
    via u/Dry_Twist_3419
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    Free_Heart_8948 I have started with my husband and son..... We look at other people's situations and just say "not my circus, not my monkeys" You did not have these children, she did. Yes you should help occasionally with family but every day? So she can go on girls trips? She too dam old to be acting so foolish!!!
    via u/Free_Heart_8948
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    Find a job and take a change of clothes everyday. Just stop going home, until parents get there. I understand they are your parents and if you had gotten in trouble for something that was actually your responsibility I wouldn't say this. But I have to repeat, they are not your kids and part of being a parent is making sure your childcare is taken care of. Sister needs to be grounded. And if parents say something say "mom
    via u/Free_Heart_8948
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    dad, I thought you meant sis was grounded for not taking care of her kids not me" if they say anymore I may even go so far as to say..... "Well thanks mom and dad for making me feel as important to you as raising her own children seems to be to her, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised by now. But I will be getting a job, so she needs to deal with this and just know once I move out, I'm done coming around. "
    via u/Free_Heart_8948
  • 23
    lisalef NTA. Don't go home right after school. Go to a friends, go to the library, take extracurriculars at school or get a part time job after school. Just make yourself unavailable. Period.
    via u/lisalef
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    Electronic_Set_9725 Very interesting, did she take care of you when you were 6?
    via u/Electronic_Set_9725
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    Careless-Ability-748 nta why does your sister need "girl's day" practically every day?
    via u/Careless-Ability-748
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    pyrofemme Give the kids a massive amount of sugar and caffeine after school every day. As soon as you get the opportunity each day bounce to friends' houses
    via u/pyrofemme
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    Ecstatic-Highway-246 If you can't get out of it, make yourself an undesirable babysitter. There are a lot of things you could teach a 5 and 7 year old that your sister wouldn't like. Swear words, art projects that involve paint on her property, or other messes...
    via u/Ecstatic-Highway-246

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babysitter kids brother sibling rivalry siblings bad parenting bad parents parenting babysitting little kids sister parent Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS mom
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